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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you call 22 years old

284 replies

Vivana · 18/07/2020 06:09

Very young to have a baby. Was talking to a friend who said I was to young back then to have a baby at 22 years old. Now early 40s and did not have any more children.

OP posts:
afromom · 18/07/2020 09:29

I was 23 when I had DS, I don't think it's too young. I was 22 when I got married and I was probably too young for that! (Now divorced, but get on well - I have a more suitable to me partner now who I adore!)
I had however finished my degree and went on to do teacher training when DS was 4 months old. I now have a good career having worked full time throughout (not teaching but linked to it) and am just about to finish my masters. DS is 16, I'm almost 40. In 2 years I will be 41 and DS will be off to Uni. DP and I are comfortable money wise with a decent household income and are planning lots of holidays, house renovations, etc which at 40 we are young enough to have many years left to enjoy hopefully.
My peers on the other hand have much younger children and are in the midst of sleepless nights, 7pm bedtimes and school runs!
I love the freedom I now have as a younger parent of an older teenager. I don't feel like I missed out on my 'youth'. I had an amazing time between 16-22. Now I'm about to start my life again at 40.

MaddeningtheUnhelpful · 18/07/2020 09:30

I was 22 when I had my second. Totally ended up going down the wrong path in my late teens. Didn't have the typical 20s to learn, grow and makes roots but I don't regret it. I'm 31 now with a 10, 9 and 6 year old I feel it worked out for us as I've always been considered a fun mum, I think I'm just a touch more energetic than the other school mums who are predominently in their 40s.

Lifeisconfusing · 18/07/2020 09:31

I was 20 when I got married and 23 when I had my ds. I don’t regret it but I wouldn’t want my dc to get married at 20 I personally think it’s too young knowing what I know now. I don’t think having a baby at 22 is to young.

CaMePlaitPas · 18/07/2020 09:32

Not at all, in fact I think in many cases it is better. I had my first a few weeks before my 27 birthday and I wish I had had her younger.

JinglingHellsBells · 18/07/2020 09:34

I'm really interested in who did the childcare for these young mums.

Your parents? In laws?

Full time nursery?

Some one is providing back up or else it would be almost impossible.

thelonelymoatedgrange · 18/07/2020 09:35

and how is that different to old mums jingling?

Sassanacs · 18/07/2020 09:38

Age is but a number, depends on maturity of the person. At 22 I had my shit together and would have loved to have had my children younger but due to fertility issues I had my first at 28 after 3 years of trying/testing etc, a couple of losses and then a rainbow baby at 35! I'm now 38 with a very lively toddler and a very intense preenager and I'm knackered 😩

ThatDamnScientist · 18/07/2020 09:39

Yes I would, I say that as someone who had their first child at 23.

I missed out on so much.

I want my kids, if they choose to have kids themselves, to be in their 30s - obviously I can't dictate that for them but would be sad for them (quietly, to myself) if it happened in their early 20s).

ThatDamnScientist · 18/07/2020 09:40

Oh and I had my youngest late 30s. Much better age imo.

AIMD · 18/07/2020 09:40

It’s relative surely. 22 feels young to me because I had mine at 29/31. Wouldn’t say it’s too young though. For someone at who had a child at 16 it probably feels like 22 is not young to have a baby.

PinkyBrain · 18/07/2020 09:40

We did full time nursery for a year then had another child and I went part time. Our income was good as I had a degree and a start in a “career” type job and dh had just started his own building company so also had the flexibility to do pick ups when I had to work. We wouldn’t have been entitled to financial support as such but I received childcare vouchers through my work and we had one set of parents about 30 miles away which was a great help.

afromom · 18/07/2020 09:40

My mum did 1 day per week and DS was in nursery 3 days per week. I had a study day the 5th day that I juggled with him.
Exh and I paid for the childcare like everyone else, we were both working.

doadeer · 18/07/2020 09:41

Depends where you live. Annecdotally the average around me in an affluent area of London is late 30s but my mum had sister at 22 in Northern town. Not strange but she is seen as a very young mum to have now.

It would be young if you went to university as it wouldn't allow anytime to start working but perhaps not so young if no uni

afromom · 18/07/2020 09:41

Interestingly, of all of my friends who now have children in their late 30's all but one rely on grandparents for a substantial amount of childcare. Only one family pays for childcare like I did at 22

LadyPrigsbottom · 18/07/2020 09:43

My only regret about waiting till was 30 to have ours was that I think I would have had more help from parents if I'd had them younger. But I was a very irresponsible early twenties. There is no way I could have looked after children. If I'd had a baby at that age, I would have had to have moved back near my parents and got help from them. I regret not doing that, as one of my parents died before I had dc1 and I wish I hadn't waited for that reason. But dh wouldn't have been happy living in my home town and also would not have liked being a young dad (we are about the same age).

Mascotte · 18/07/2020 09:44

I had mine (very) late thirties and child care from family was impossible as they were all too old or dead. It was also the death knell for my career, partly because of that.

I love my dc dearly but would quite like it if they were that bit older now. I was the oldest at my baby group but good friends with the youngest, and I see how she's moving on now whilst still young. But life happens, whenever you have them it's still the best thing ever in my book.

doadeer · 18/07/2020 09:44

@afromom

Interestingly, of all of my friends who now have children in their late 30's all but one rely on grandparents for a substantial amount of childcare. Only one family pays for childcare like I did at 22
That's interesting it's the opposite where I am in London as no one has any family living near by so we all pay crazy fees.
LadyPrigsbottom · 18/07/2020 09:45

Also, we personally couldn't have afforded to live where we do now plus childcare if we'd had dcs young. We would have had such a different life, which I imagine as being lovely, (living near my family, parents around to get to know gcs and have a close relationship with them), but actually I may have really regretted that too, as I love being near London and having the life we do.

I think it's just how life goes and you have to compromise somewhere.

WaffleCash · 18/07/2020 09:47

Nobody I know who had children in their early twenties got to enjoy being 'child free' again in their 40s like they planned/hoped for.

Jeremyironsnothing · 18/07/2020 09:47

It is relatively young nowadays.

LynetteScavo · 18/07/2020 09:47

I think it depends how much you've already done.

A colleague of mine has just had a baby aged 22. She done "nothing much with her life" since leaving school at 18 apart from work with me (poor thing!), go on a couple of holidays with her boyfriend then get married. She doesn't enjoy drinking or clubbing with friends, afternoon tea is more her thing. Her husband is a few years older with a well paid job. Due to an inheritance they own their own home. She is blissfully happy, living her best life. For someone else it would be hell.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 18/07/2020 09:50

@JinglingHellsBells I was a SAHM for a bit, then DS went to nursery and school. I am a single parent, I pay for breakfast club and work flexible hours so I can do all school pick ups.

notacooldad · 18/07/2020 09:51

Nobody I know who had children in their early twenties got to enjoy being 'child free' again in their 40s like they planned/hoped for.
Why not?
What happened?
I see loads of people in their mid 40s,including my manager, my two deputy managers and several colleagues in different teams with now adult children having a great life with the mortgage paid off or just about to and having loads of freedom to spend time on themselves.
It took me until my late 40s to get that!

FourForYouGlenCoco · 18/07/2020 09:51

I'm really interested in who did the childcare for these young mums.

Your parents? In laws?

Full time nursery?

Some one is providing back up or else it would be almost impossible.

@JinglingHellsBells I don’t know if you meant it to but this comes off very judgy. Someone has to look after your young child, whether you’re 22 or 42. Stop the press Hmm

2gorgeousboys · 18/07/2020 09:51

I was 22 when I had DS1 and definitely felt 'too young'. Once he was at school I was about 10 years younger than most of his classmates parents.

I had DS2 at 27 and most people my age at baby/toddler group etc were having their first baby.

Whilst I missed out on some of the things people in their twenties experience and definitely didn't feel ready for a baby at 22, I wouldn't change DS1. They are now growing up, more independent and leaving home and we are both still young enough to have new experiences and enjoy some of the travelling and things we missed out on.

I really hope my boys wait to have their children until they've had some life experiences (and I'm def not ready to be a granny yet!)