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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you call 22 years old

284 replies

Vivana · 18/07/2020 06:09

Very young to have a baby. Was talking to a friend who said I was to young back then to have a baby at 22 years old. Now early 40s and did not have any more children.

OP posts:
GlottalStrop · 18/07/2020 08:40

No you're right, have googled (!).

CaptainMyCaptain · 18/07/2020 08:41

22 is OK depending on the person. My daughter had twins at 24 (already married, own home) and the consultant said that, physically, she was at the ideal age to have twins.

Emmagen · 18/07/2020 08:43

My mum was 22 when she had me. Apparently the nurses/midwives in the hospital scolded her! Seemed a little late for that!

It is young, a 22 year old is a young person in general but it is certainly not too young.

But then I think women have children for lots of reasons and I think they should all be met with supportive attitudes regardless of age.

CaptainMyCaptain · 18/07/2020 08:44

I just don't see how it's enough time to get educated, live in other places, have some freedom, work and build a life for yourself these days. It's not ideal to have kids before doing these things
If you have the baby young you can do these things afterwards. I had mine (single parent, no ambitions) at 25, went back to university and trained as a teacher. I did some travelling in Europe with her but I've done most since she has been grown up. I'm also young enough to enjoy and help out with my grandchildren.

RoseMartha · 18/07/2020 08:44

Young but not too young

anicebag · 18/07/2020 08:48

For me, it’s young. But now I think that if the circumstances are not too taxing such as lost opportunities, lack of support, money and mental health- it’s wonderful to have your children young. I envy people growing up with their children and hopefully being part of their life longer.

lilgreen · 18/07/2020 08:50

Education takes many different forms, you don’t have to go to uni. I have zero interest in living in different places and travelling the world. Yeah I fancy being nearer the coast at some point and I like to holiday but not everyone wants to see every corner of the planet in order to be fulfilled.

SecondWave · 18/07/2020 08:51

Nah, I was married with 2 children at 22. I had my first at 19 and my last at 25.

Nutrigrainygoodness · 18/07/2020 08:51

@cuntryclub

Dds words the other week 'I love having a young mum, you're so fun, you know how to play the games I want to play, you make me happy when I'm upset. My friends are so jealous, they hate having older mums because they don't do anything together'

Oh god. Really? Your child said all this?

I would be horrified tbh if that was the attitude of one of mine. You don't have to have a kid at 17 to know how to play with them or help them through upset Hmm

Her thing was though that none of her friends parents play with them. They sit and watch with the occasional 'that's nice' alot of her friends parents are around the 50 mark. I know that's true because they were the same at baby groups, sit with a brew while the kids play try to kill each other
TheStuffedPenguin · 18/07/2020 08:52

Yes it is very young in circles that get a degree and a career - you are barely started in life.

cuntryclub · 18/07/2020 08:54

Her thing was though that none of her friends parents play with them. They sit and watch with the occasional 'that's nice' alot of her friends parents are around the 50 mark.

That would be a sample of shit parents. You get them at 22 as well. I think it's awful of your DD to be judging that in age and even worse for you to view it as a good thing. Teach her that there are good and bad parents of all ages.

Walkaround · 18/07/2020 08:57

Vivana - It’s interesting she thinks you were too young - emphasis on the you! It’s self-evidently not too young physically, you say it wasn’t too young economically, so she thinks you have an emotional/psychological issue!!!

WeDontTalkAboutLove · 18/07/2020 08:58

22 is young to have a baby, yes. It is well below the average age for first time mums. I wouldn't think it was on most women's minds at 22 beyond thinking into the future.
It isn't too young for some people but would be for others.
I had my first baby at 26 (last year!) and still feel very young compared to most but the extra 4 years allowed me to finish my degree, get married and buy a house. It would still be too young for some people.

So no, 22 is not necessarily too young but definitely younger than most.

Pebblexox · 18/07/2020 08:59

22 is young, however I wouldn't say it's too young to have a child. I had DD at 25, and I still feel like a young mum but that's a not a bad thing. I was married at 23, and settled in a home both dh and I were at a point financially where we could bring a child into life comfortably.
I think it also depends on where you are in your life though.

Spidey66 · 18/07/2020 08:59

I agree young but not too young.

My mum had her first at 19 and us 4 by the time she was 25. Back then (1960s) it was normal . I think one of the reasons was women weren’t as career oriented as they are now. It was rare for women to go to university for instance especially women from a working class background.

Nutrigrainygoodness · 18/07/2020 09:00

@cuntryclub

Her thing was though that none of her friends parents play with them. They sit and watch with the occasional 'that's nice' alot of her friends parents are around the 50 mark.

That would be a sample of shit parents. You get them at 22 as well. I think it's awful of your DD to be judging that in age and even worse for you to view it as a good thing. Teach her that there are good and bad parents of all ages.

It was her friends who said they hated having older parents. Dd just relayed the conversation to me when we were chatting one night. I know you get shit parents of every age.
JacobReesMogadishu · 18/07/2020 09:02

I had Dd at 22yo and am now early 40s. I’m also glad I had her young. She’s independent now and I feel I can do stuff for me.

I had my own house when I had her and a good, steady job. Was in a serious Relationship , we’re still together and now married.

I do think I was judged when she was a baby by other parents and also by doctors. My gp gave me a right lecture. Most other parents at baby group type things were a good ten years older than me.

strawberriesunited · 18/07/2020 09:02

I wouldn't say too young but i think it is young, i'm 22 and pregnant with my second (both unplanned) my 1st is 7 months. None of my friends have children yet and don't seem to be planning on for a while.
I've gone on girls holidays, went out to lots of parties, had a decent education (i didn't want to go to university so got a full time job instead) and had some really great times. I am in my own home, i have a car, a decent job with decent pay and my partner is the same. So even though i'm young i wouldn't say i'm in any more of a worse or better situation than somebody older than me is.

JacobReesMogadishu · 18/07/2020 09:03

Oh and I’d been to uni and got a degree before I had her. Have since been back to uni and got a second degree and a masters. So I don’t feel my educational or career suffered at all.

theunperfectparent · 18/07/2020 09:04

Everyone has different opinions I don’t think 22 is too young and I wouldn’t of had any more children past 30 as I think that’s too old

FiveToFour · 18/07/2020 09:04

Dds words the other week 'I love having a young mum, you're so fun, you know how to play the games I want to play, you make me happy when I'm upset. My friends are so jealous, they hate having older mums because they don't do anything together'

GrinGrinI'm an older parent ( I had No 2 at 40) and the child of older parents - this hasn't been an issue on our families! Except when DD asked me to be a fairy princess - that was a step too far....but for reasons of personality,not age!And I remember DSis being a bit miffed by Mum's tendency to want a nap after lunch Grin

I think 22 is young but not too young,and if you have your children young you will have time to do other things once they are older

FiveToFour · 18/07/2020 09:04

Dds words the other week 'I love having a young mum, you're so fun, you know how to play the games I want to play, you make me happy when I'm upset. My friends are so jealous, they hate having older mums because they don't do anything together'

GrinGrinI'm an older parent ( I had No 2 at 40) and the child of older parents - this hasn't been an issue on our families! Except when DD asked me to be a fairy princess - that was a step too far....but for reasons of personality,not age!And I remember DSis being a bit miffed by Mum's tendency to want a nap after lunch Grin

I think 22 is young but not too young,and if you have your children young you will have time to do other things once they are older

FiveToFour · 18/07/2020 09:05

Whoops - sorry for the double post - it said it hadn't posted but obviously it had...

PinkyBrain · 18/07/2020 09:05

I was 23 having my first and felt very young compared to my friends etc. We had our own house and I had a decent and stable graduate job but it definitely wasn’t in the plan! To be honest though, it worked out fantastically for us, I’m now approaching 40 and have more than caught up career wise after having another child and going part time for a few years and we have a lovely life and time to enjoy ourselves now the dc are more independent. Several friends are now wrestling small children or trying to get pregnant and I look at them and feel really lucky to no longer be at that stage of life.

elliejjtiny · 18/07/2020 09:05

No. I was 22 when I started ttc and 24 when I had ds1. I was about average age but on the older side of the mums in his class at school. I was 32 when I had my youngest and I'm almost the oldest of the mums in his class.