Would you call 22 years old

[Vivana]

Very young to have a baby. Was talking to a friend who said I was to young back then to have a baby at 22 years old. Now early 40s and did not have any more children.

I wanted to have graduated, established myself at a decent level in a good career, travelled a fair amount, and to be married and own a family home (unlikely to be your first property purchase where I live), no way was I in that position at 22. It also depends when, twenty years ago it was easier to support a family in one salary, property was cheaper etc than it is now. I'd say 22 is young by today's norms

oh sorry i see you say your age.
it sounds young but it actually depends whether you are settled or not.

I was 23. I look at my now 23 year old and think how the hell did I do it. But I did all by myself. I'm amazing

I don’t think it’s too young, no. Perfectly reasonable for many people.

For me, I still had two more years of uni to go and around ten years of postgrad training and study so it would have been less than ideal for me and my friends. That’s not the same as being too young.

I don’t agree with the poster who felt it was the ideal age, I think that’s quite a silly thing to say.

By today's western standards it is young (not too young but young). In the past and in other countries today it's normal. From a biological point of view it's ideal.

It’s not too young. I know quite a few who had children in their late teens/early twenties, including dsis.

I honestly wish I had mine at that age. I had a lot more stamina then.

Well it is young, average in uk is around 30 I think. But saying you were too young isn't really about your age I don't think, more that they thought you couldn't cope or something? Not a very nice thing to say, especially as it was so long ago now.

I think the older you get the younger you realise you were. It's not a criticism. Just a fact. When I was that age I thought I was so grown up; which I was, but 20+ years later I can see how young I actually was. Nothing to do with being a parent I just think when you get older you do view your earlier years differently.

I was 24 and I consider myself too young. I mean I managed it and my son is amazing but I missed out on a lot We wanted to do, as did my husband.

Depends on the person I guess.

I had dd at 17 so that's probably too young, but I'm so glad I did.
Me and DP are still together, we have a nice house (we rent but it's still a nice house) we go on nice holidays we both work full time.
I never wanted to travel or move around the country. I love living where I live.
Dds words the other week 'I love having a young mum, you're so fun, you know how to play the games I want to play, you make me happy when I'm upset. My friends are so jealous, they hate having older mums because they don't do anything together'
So I thought I must be doing something right. 😃

I was 19 having dd1 and 22 with dd2. So no, it’s not too young at all.

For some people it wouldn’t fit into their life plan to have a baby at that age, so for them it would be too young. A lot of people want the whole marriage, house, successful career thing before they’d even consider a baby. Nothing wrong with that.

I’ve always been a bit more of a let’s see how this pans out sort of person. So when I got pregnant with dd1 at 19 I wasn’t terrified I didn’t even think that I was too young at all. I always knew that I’d cope and things would work out.

So now I’m 34, still with the dds dad. We own our house, have decent jobs and I’m about to start my degree just as I’ll turn 35. I like the fact that I’m younger than most of their friends parents and appear to have more in common with my dds than they do with theirs. I love that when dd2 is 18 I’ll still only be 40.

A lot of my friends and colleagues who are around my age are just having babies now. They seem to be finding it much tougher than I did when I was young. But then they also have more spare cash than I did. So there’s plusses and minuses, I’d say whatever's right for you is the right thing to do.

It’s fine. You might miss out of a carefree 20s but life will be much more relaxed in your 30s and 40s without toddlers running around. Depends on what you want really.

No it’s not. My DSis had her only baby at 22 and has been the best mum in our family. My other DSis,s and I had our kids a lot older (when saddled with jobs and mortgages and husbands etc...) and she was(still is) by far the most patient and gentle and kind parent. She finished her degree and became a doctor, raised her DC, who has turned out a wonderful human, singelhandedly.

@SnuggyBuggy but not everyone wants to do those things. We are all different. I didn't go to university, I didn't want to. So I had already been working full time for 5 years before I had DS at 22.

Not everyone wants or can have those things snuggy

One of my friends had her first at 23. She didn’t go to university then, but she was married and had bought a little house with her husband.

To be honest, husband and wife, lovely children - not sure what the problem is or should be other than that she didn’t tick someone else’s checklist for a good life, or something? As it is she’s actually travelled more than me! She’s been working since she was 16 so had a bit more money than I did at the same age.

Not too young at all. My first was at 28/29, last at 32 and wouldn’t have wanted to be any older.

As others have said, physically it's the best time to have a baby but socially yes it would be considered very young. That doesn't mean it would be the wrong thing to do though. Just because you hit thirty doesn't automatically make you financially stable. I had my first at 20 I was doing a job i enjoyed very much but that paid terribly, this was long before minimum wage laws, so dh had always been the main earner. We had bought our first little home a few years before which obviously was a lot easier back then and I was able to give up work. I only went back to work 18mths later so we could afford a bigger house which actually meant that we couldn't afford for me to have as much time off when our second child was born, even though from the outside it would look like we were in a better position. I had our final child at 27. The dc are now 20, 17 & 13 and one or two of eldest's school friends have become parents in the last year or so which feels far too young because to me they are still children but that's my perspective not the reality. Ds is at uni but some of his peers have been working full time for a few years and are of course most definitely adults.
As for me, I did my degree in my thirties. I have stayed working part-time though and have no desire to progress any further in my career at the moment. As I have got older the concept of 'career' has bothered me less and less. I have gone as far as I want to. I like having time to myself now the dc are older.

Dds words the other week 'I love having a young mum, you're so fun, you know how to play the games I want to play, you make me happy when I'm upset. My friends are so jealous, they hate having older mums because they don't do anything together'

Oh god. Really? Your child said all this?

I would be horrified tbh if that was the attitude of one of mine. You don't have to have a kid at 17 to know how to play with them or help them through upset

Yes. Not something I'd want for my children.
I'd much rather they aimed higher and experienced life and all it has to offer! That can only be a positive for any future children they may have. Thankfully, they feel the same.

I think it’s very very young to tie yourself down. Babies are such hard work and commitment. There’s a whole world to explore (or at least there used to be) and a career ladder to climb!

My DM was 22 when she had me, but she was married at 20 and didn’t pursue a career, so I dare say it made sense back then. It was nice having a young, trendy mum when I was young, but I’m glad I waited till mid-late 30’s to have a baby. It meant we’d travelled, partied and made a beautiful home and didn’t have career or financial worries when DC arrived. I was also able to take a long break during his early years and then jump straight back into my career, which was very established with a great network and many years under my belt.

SIL has just had her first baby at 30 and I think it’s a shame she’s paused her life so early. Not that I would ever say that to her.

My advice is that women shouldn’t be scared by the declining fertility stories that are touted by the Daily Mail etc. For every person I’ve know to have fertility issues (young and old), there’s another person who has fallen pregnant immediately (young and old).

I had my first at 22 but it's not that unusual where I live. It was choosing to breastfeed that made me the odd one out and is still the case six years on after having my second.

I get that not everyone is able to do those things but kids do benefit from having adult influences who have lived a bit before settling down. That said it doesn't necessarily have to be the parent, I think if you've had kids before being able to do things yourself it's probably a good idea to have adults in their lives that can act as mentors.

My sister had a baby at 22. She went in to get a degree in her 30s, is successful, happy child too. She’s now 31. It’s just about which order you do things in. Wouldn’t want to be a much older mum. I’m 49 and my youngest is nearly 17. Would hate to still have little ones around now.

I was 22 when I had my eldest daughter, things were fine for me with having a child at that age even though the marriage itself didn't last. Now she is 20 and I see how much growing up I still had to do, and I wasn't mature enough at that age to recognises in the early stages of the relationship that my EXH was emotionally abusive and this did get worse after I had my daughter. Having my girls young has its advantages though. I will be in my mid-late 40s when my youngest goes to uni or college, but its been a long haul financially as a young single parent, though I have my own business which continues to grow. My own parents were older parents, I lost my dad when I was a teenager and mum when I was 23 and that has been incredibly isolating, I have siblings but all much older (13-19 years older than me) and I feel like we don't have much in common, and I hardly see them.

Having read a few more comments just wanted to add

I didn't pause my life to have my children, they were part of the plan.

Even at 18, going out drinking and partying didn't appeal to me, neither did travel or living abroad, it still doesn't.

I wanted to be a mum, a teacher, married with a nice home. I've got all that, hopefully within the next 10 years I'll get a headship then I will have achieved everything I have ever wanted.

Not everyone wants to see the world etc