Personal trainer grumpy with me

[Gingertea2020]

This is hard to explain, you really had to be in the room.

I am friends with a Mum through mother’s group and as a personal trainer. She is a really lovely person, super dedicated to fitness and motivated.

I am overweight single mum, struggling to get used to raising my 3 year old, recently seperated.

My PT friend has coached me for $$. I would purchase a package. For personal Reasons I wouldn’t always use all the sessions. She became frustrated and one time she said to me if I wasn’t getting results it was my own fault and I wasn’t being tough enough on myself.

Tonight she came over as I feel I’ve stopped and started with fitness and lost the plot With diet and fitness. She came over, listened And stared through. It was obvious she wasn’t listening/sympathising and thought my childcare/emotional/anxiety issues were just excuses And seemed to have resting bitch face/stare through me. She said, “you’ve got the plan and the diet what are you going to do about it ?”. I could tell she was frustrated and judging me and felt like crying as really just wanted warmth and support. Politely said I needed to get dinner started and that I’d let her go as she seemed tired - I was gentle about it but it was obvious I was lying and trying not to crt. She accused me of kicking her out And said I was making her the bad guy. I said she’d done nothing wrong but that I didn’t want to get upset infront of my child and could tell she was tired/dealing with her own stuff.

She is right that I’ve been a quitter but I’ve also been struggling on my own without a whole lot of support or childcare during Covid.

I sometimes feel as though she doesn’t really like me or respect me. There are a few reasons for this - mainly because she runs hot and cold and just seems fed up with me.
I want to be more motivated and bubbly but I’m struggling, have gone through depression and anxiety after leaving a traumatic relationship and trying my best.

I feel really misunderstood and judged. Also feel like the standards of other mums are hard to meet and I’m failing/not functioning on my own.

I can sort of see both sides; but firstly, she isn't a friend, she is someone you pay as a personal trainer.

There aren't required qualifications, and even if there were, you'd still get good ones and bad ones - and even with good ones, their style might be great for some people and not be a good fit with others.
At some level, she probably feels you are paying her for fitness training, so needs to keep plugging that - she may see it as helpful, although it sounds as if she probably needs more empathy.

I have a friend who is a coach and counsellor, although I've not used her in the capacity of weight loss, conversations about diet/fitness will suddenly invoke a "so what are your goals with that then, how are you going to reach your targets...." not quite in the style you'd expect from a conversation with a friend, but she just switches into professional mode.

YABU. If you aren’t going to put in the effort then of course nothing will change, and all the excuses in the world won’t affect that.

You’ve paid for her services, not used them all (effectively wasting her time), yet asked for her help, but she can’t help you when you won’t help yourself.

You looking for support from her, when she’s trying to do what she can to help you, is very cheeky of you. You can’t moan to her about X, Y, Z while rejecting all the help you’ve paid her for.