....to expect my outlaws NOT to let my two young DD's play unattend with a pin cushion!!!?

[CaptainDippy]

My oldest DD's are 3.7 yrs and 2.4 yrs. Went to pick them up from spending a couple of hours with the outlaws - Asked where they were, my MIL replies: "Erm, erm, I am not too sure. I think they are downstairs in the dining room. I am afraid I think they are playing with my pin cushion."

WHAAAAAAAAAAAT!!?

I toddle downstairs and sure enough, they are playing with the pin cushion - Pins all over the floor, picking them up and sticking them back in. DD1 was actually holding the cushion in her hands and stabbing them in ..... >

This is not the 1st time I have discovered them doing something completely inappropriate when I have come to pick them up.

I have spoken to a few friends about this and have had varying reactions - Some have said: "What's the worst that could happen with them playing with pins? So they stab themselves a bit, there's not really anything that could go majorly wrong, is there?" Some have been v.concerned and

So, what do you reckon??

You are not being unreasonable. They might accidentally stab themselves in the eye.

YANBU, i would be LIVID!

yes would've of gone in the eye

Putting them in their mouths (that's what my 2.4 yr old would do) would be my worry. I'm all for letting children try something so they can find out the risks for themselves, but I think I'd want DS to be a bit older before I let him explore the possibilities of pins.

Sleepycat - and for your DP - that is just awful (and has made me really ) I am sorry your DP went through that.

Phew - didn't think I was being unreasonable, but needed to vent ....... she is soooo clueless, I am surprised my DH and his siblings survived childhood.

Yes, my concern was about their eyes tbh, my 2 are pretty good about not putting stuff in their mouths anymore.

Last time it was DD1 with the kitchen scissors.

So what do I do!!!?

Tell her the story of SleepyCat's DP for a start!

Your approach depends on how good your relationship is with her.
Could you make a list of items that should be out of reach when she has the children?

omg YANBU!!

Relationship with her is ok, she is a very sweet, kind, loving person; but has a few sandwiches missing from her picnic, iykwim!!? You can talk to her quite reasonably about something and it's like "in one ear and out of the other" ......

Sigh.

TOSOTC - That would be the entire contents of their house!! Strange cos we lived with them for 2 and 1/2 yrs until about 9 months ago - The minute we moved out, they made their house completely unchild-friendly once again. Most odd.

what age is she? Has she changed dramatically or has she always been like this? Could it be possbly dememtia not knowing where they are? early stages ? just a possibility.

dont leave the kids there on their own. lots of gps dont do babysitting, just visit with them

MIL is 59 & has always been a bit doolally TBH. Dementia .... ...... now there's a possibility ......

Pixie - Difficult one, that would mean DH & I would never, ever get a break at all and I think they would be very hurt and offended if I suddenly took the DD's out their care.

well if you know what she is like and you still choose to leave them there and then you complain yabu. my parents only do babysitting in emergencies or very very special occasions (once a year type thing!) so i do know what its like

Point taken.

I feel for you - my MiL was merrily watching DD play in the coal bucket when I came in.

Coal isn't that dangerous but learning to play in the fireplace....

I can sympathise, as my mum and dad have no concept of danger where my dd is concerned. We went on holiday and stayed in a villa with flagged floors and a spiral staircase. Obviously we didn't realise this when we booked. Mum was meant to be supervising dd(15mths) while I went for a shower. I came out only to meet dd coming up the stairs unattended! YANBU! It makes you wonder how we ever got to be grownups with them 'looking after' us!

I can also sympathise on my dd's second Birthday my mil was next to her at the table trying to light the candles on the cake with a match she was struggling and the next thing we knew she'd absent mindedly passed dd the match and match box and dd was holding a lit match!

• Geeeeeeeeez - how are we all still alive!!!?

Bit weird that - "I think they might be playing with my pin cushion," but she's still with you upstairs. Is she normal, your MIL or does she have special needs?

However, when we last went to MILs, DS started playing with matches in a little pot on the coffee table and DH shouted at MIL for having them there. She can't think of everything I guess - being a bit of a numbskull anyway - and I felt a bit sorry for her. The kids are my responsibility I suppose.

But if your MIL knew they were playing with pins, then she's a loon.

Could they babysit at your house. Maybe you could try to warn them by telling them different bits about what they have been up to and things you were worried about them getting up to. This might be a gentle way of doing it.

To be honest though if it carries on you might need to say something.

Actaully, WW, I think you might have a point when you ask about her having SN - I really do think there is a distinct possibility of that, you know - She's quite slow on the old uptake and a little lacking a social skills .....

TW - Think I am going to have to say something very soon. Wouldn't let them babysit at our house cos they would completely trash it and I am a bit of a tidy freak - don't think my blood pressure could cope!

AH! - its a tough one, what does your dh say?
Could he have a quiet word?

It is difficult I think with parents looking after dc's makes it harder to express what you want. my mum and dad look after ds while I work and we have had our ups and downs. Is one out law easier to talk to than another?. i normally talk to my mum.

One doesn't listen, one gets angry. Sigh. I think DH is too scared - doesnt want to rock the boat, he is a real softie, bless him! Apparentely I "always moan at him for saying the wrong thing" (he is reading over my shoulder ) He's probably right, nasty meanie horrid wifie that I am. Go get me some hot chocolate, bitch!

"No - You make the bed then."

(It's a King Size and I am a little over 5 foot.)

Fair Do's.

I wouldn't leave my kids alone with them in that case. Pins? My word. What if they stuck one in their eye? You'd be responsible knowing that your PIL weren't really capable of looking out for dangers. It would be different if you were there too then you could be responsible.

It's tricky but you can't take the risk. YANBU.