If this was YOU on Wednesday, then I’m really sorry.

[flowergirl24]

Two days ago I was walking in a seaside town in Devon, with two dogs and two children. After a stressful time at work, we wanted to have a few days off. Our break turned pretty hellish with children not sleeping at all and lots going wrong. On this last day, my Labrador tried to attack another dog, knocked over my 2 year old child while doing it and I lost it. I smacked him and shouted at him. It was kind of the last straw. Two women passing by stopped and had a go at me, saying I should never treat an animal like that. My husband told them to back off. He later said that he saw the one crying on the other’s shoulder (they looked like grown up mother and daughter) so they were clearly very upset by the incident. If this was YOU, or you know who this was, then I want to say sorry. I’m ashamed at my behaviour. Hoping to get some help for me to deal with my anger and I’ve already booked some specialist dog training to help with that situation.

I very much doubt your dog would have learnt anything by being smacked and shouted at.

Clearly the OP doesn't think that either, she hardly posted here to boast at her great animal training technique, did she?

The only thing that's clear from the OP's single post is that the Labrador attacked another dog and knocked over her toddler. She reacted by hitting her dog and shouting at it. The one thing that clearly is needed is for the dog to be trained not to attack other dogs, especially as a Labrador is a big, powerful dog. The toddler could have been badly hurt too.

I think the truth is that it was a mistake to have 2 dogs and a toddler, she's bitten off more than she can chew.

It's rather a leap to say that her DH was aggressive. It's more likely that their intervention wasn't helpful at that point and he asked them to move away.

I’m pretty sure at some point in most people’s lives they have hit someone- especially if they were ever children ...... some women round here need to get off mn and think about why they are so nasty to others....

Maybe the OPs dog didnt learn anything but did it stop the attack on the other animal? Having seen my own dog mauled whilst the other dog's owners practiced gentle parenting techniques on it, I think the main point is the aggressor was stopped.

ALSO..... I’m sure dogs who have attacked humans and have had a good hard punch in the face To let go have learned something......

@Porcupineinwaiting Good point. At least the OP intervened. This wasn't a training exercise; it was a time when she had to prevent her Labrador from attacking another dog or seriously hurting her toddler. Yes, she herself admits that she went too far.

The dog clearly should have been better trained, but that's something she can put right.

@ArriettyJones

Get lost *@Boomclaps*

Treating violence against animals like it’s just a small faux pas isn’t acceptable.

I grew up where both me, my brother and the family dog had a whack when we did wrong. None of us were frightened, never did any of us any real harm.

For what it's worth, I've never known a more well behaved animal.

I will go against the grain and say when my kids do something really out of line they will get thier legs/ back of the hand smacked.

My dog gets a light, not hard, tap on the nose when he repeatedly does wrong after a few times he learns not to do the offending thing.

People these days are such bloody wusses.

Clearly the OP doesn't think that either, she hardly posted here to boast at her great animal training technique, did she

Just as well really. Normal people don’t go round smacking other people or their pets because they have lost control. If you have a dog that attacks other dogs because, it hasn’t been taught not to, keep it on a leash. Simple really.

Physically and verbally abusing a dog isn’t the way to go. I wonder how hard and how many times that poor dog was struck to make a grown woman cry? There are two sides to every story. OP wants validation that her actions were justified. They weren’t!

No idea why there are posters congratulating OP for beating her dog when her only actions so far are popping on mumsnet to feel forgiven when she knows nobody relevant will see it and saying she is'hoping' to get herself some help for losing her temper and abusing an animal, rather than actually having done anything firm about it. Your DP is just as bad, being unpleasant to people doing the right thing when they've seen someone commit a crime. What a sight it must have all been for them.

I'd have been so upset to see you smacking your dog OP, and would be upset it was going home with you. The fact you've had a shit holiday and were in a bad mood only makes you sound like you think that excuses it in part.

Stop virtue signalling on mumsnet, if you actually want to find them (we know you don't), post in a local group or the paper. If not, just accept you and your DP let yourself down badly and move on. Stop looking for random posters to be permissive that it was fine. It wasn't fine. I'd thank yourself lucky they didn't film you to shame you to be honest!

We do all make mistakes OP that is not in doubt (though we don't all hit an animal) but the post is silly.

I cried when I couldn't get a woman to cuddle her sobbing child who was begging to be cuddled. It was horrible and disturbing and it still upsets me when I think about it. Nobody else 'poked their nose in', just me. I can't watch that kind of thing without saying something. I wish others managed to say something too. My opener was 'oh dear, could you do with some help?'.

@ZaraCarmichaelshighheels wow. You sound LOVELY.

Maybe you could direct some of your empathy for animals towards the OP who has apologised for her actions and is trying to make amends. You should probably take some time to consider why you feel it necessary to spew such pointless and unhelpful bile at strangers on the internet.

I very much doubt you hurt the dog. Labs have incredibly thick skin and coats. Hitting your dog isn’t ideal because you dealt with aggression by modelling aggression.

I wouldn’t beat yourself up. It sounds as if you learned from the experience. Has your dog been neutered?

@CaMePlaitPas

If a dog went for my two year old I'd smack it on the nose too.

It didn’t. It went for another dog and knocked the two year old down in the process.

Glad you’re getting help with the anger, OP. We all snap at times. I try to kick inanimate objects when it happens to me - and often hurt my toe!

those brave women

Oh, give it a bloody rest. Talk about overly dramatic. They were just a couple of busybodies, and if you're going to do that when someone's obviously having a very weak, volatile moment then frankly you deserve the relatively mild response of being told to 'back off'. And that's going by the wording in the OP's post and assuming the woman didn't receive a tirade of expletives in response. If this was the case then of course that isn't acceptable.

OP, kudos for recognising that you messed up. Everyone does it, including the purity-spiralling virtue-signallers on here. I'm not condoning striking an animal in the slightest, but if it was attacking in public then the safety of bystanders not least your child should rightly have been your priority.

If the dog's behaviour is more than a one-off you might want to consider muzzling it in public. But otherwise, kudos to you for seeking the help you need. Don't worry too much about the bystander. No one was hurt and there is no real harm done. They will doubtless get over it.

AIBU has never had a great reputation but the pile-ons this week have surpassed even their usual standard. Kicking people who are down or who have acknowledged they've screwed up and are sorry isn't a good look.

@KarenMcKaren

If my dog had attacked another animal and knocked over a baby he’d have had my size 5’s up his arse

Yep.

Me too.

I very much doubt you hurt the dog. Labs have incredibly thick skin and coats. Hitting your dog isn’t ideal because you dealt with aggression by modelling aggression.

The way to really really hurt a Lab is to take its bone or grub away, then you'll see the saddest look in the world:(

@LochJessMonster

I think dog training is a good idea. I think a grown woman sobbing on someone’s shoulder is an overreaction. I think anger management is an overreaction. I think ‘animal abuse’ is an overreaction. I think most of these posts are an overreaction.

Nailed it

3 and a half hours later and still no sign of the OP.

I wonder if she ever intended to come back in the first place.

You shouldn't have hit the dog but you know that. I do wonder about the mother and daughter crying at being told to back off though. Whatever did they think was going to happen. If I felt confident enough to intervene in seeing someone mistreat an animal I wouldn't be crying because their husband told me to back off. If you are that sensitive you probably shouldn't be intervening as it's pretty likely you will get a much bigger mouthful than back off.

The OP used the words ‘smack’ and ‘had a go at’ - yet many on here are reacting as if she had beaten the dog and her husband had been verbally abusive to the random women. There is a lot that we don’t know about the situation, and until the OP comes back and clarifies things it’s hard to say for certain what happened.

So sorry your holiday went all wrong, I can understand why you snapped. Obviously, it was wrong to whack your dog, but you know that, and you’re dealing with it. Your DH was right to defend you, that’s what they’re for.
Hope you feel better soon.

A dog is a pack animal with a hierarchy. If the lower orders step out of line the alpha dog will treat it with a sharp shock more often than not by biting. The Op's dog stepped out of line and was rebuked....what do you suppose would have happened otherwise? I've yet to see a dog sat on a naughty step whilst the owner calmly explains what what the dog did was wrong and how it's actions could hurt someone.

Maybe 2 dogs and 2 young kids is a bit ambitious

@Macncheeseballs

Maybe 2 dogs and 2 young kids is a bit ambitious

Which do you suggest they get rid of?

Thank you for all your responses: even the critical ones, as I know what I did was wrong and I want to do better.

I’ve just got back from a one to one training session with the dog, and it was really helpful. I’ll keep going to do my best to improve his aggression. The trainer has given me so many helpful tips.

Yes- to all those saying that I must have gone further to upset these women, you are probably right. I really shouted at him and probably smacked him three times on the bottom. I think it was my pure fear at him knocking over and hurting my son. I can totally see why it would be upsetting to a bystander. I’ve never done anything like this before.

Husband was not aggressive, though. He simply said “please leave her alone”. They were shouting quite loudly at me at that point.

Now for my behaviour: does anyone have any recommendations for really good therapists in the West Mids area so that I can start to sort out some of my issues?