To NOT see eating quantities of rich food and lots of wine as an enjoyable way to spend time with friends!

[Atadaddicted]

I have two main groups of friends.

Really lovely two groups. I am very blessed. None of what I see on mumsnet sometimes about Bitching and judging etc. Just supportive kind loving and fun friends.

Very different groups. One sporty, active, healthy. When we meet we tend to do walks and a coffee, or If we meet for dinner at each other’s houses it will be delicious salads, fruit based desserts. We went on holiday together and it was spectacular. We hiked, we canoed, are fresh fish, salads - I came home feeling so rejuvenated.

Second group, food and drink lies at the Centre of gatherings. We went for a weekend away to beautiful part of the country and no one wanted to go for a walk. I tried to tempt them with a pub half way round but... no. There was a fabulous pool, but no one went in but me. The food was endlessly planned and discussed and so rich and the quantities enormous and so much drink. Despite drinking very little and stopping eating when I started to feel full, along With going for a run, swim and a walk, by the end of the weekend I felt so.... sluggish and full!

So here’s the problem. I’m beginning to less enjoy getting together with the latter group and favouring the former. And I feel so sad about it. I have suggested to the former on so many occasions over the many years we have friends that we do other stuff when we get together beside it always being about food and wine but it’s very much not on the cards.

I don’t want to lose this group of friends, I don’t want to drift away from them but it does feel like it’s happening....

That should say NOT see eating!!!!

• [Message from MNHQ: we've edited the title now]

What’s the question? :)

You are not fitting in to the second group and don’t enjoy doing the things they do. Seems simple.

Well you’re clearly too virtuous and healthy for your food and drink loving friends so just stop hanging out with them. At least then they won’t have you hanging round judging their choices

You're not compatible with group 2 so stop going if you don't enjoy it. FWIW I'd enjoy group 2 far more than group 1. You can't expect them to change the dynamics of your weekends away to suit you, so either you stop going, or continue going but drink less, go for a run in the mornings/swim/walk by yourself, you don't have to be joined at the hip all weekend.

I don't think what food is being eaten would be an issue for me, but if group 2 seem to revolve around food that sounds teedious. It happens though, don't spend time with them if you don't enjoy it.

I’ll take your place in the second group, OP, it sounds ace.

There is no judgement whatsoever (Although they think I’m denying myself despite me saying I’m really not!)

I want to be friends with group 2

* I’ll take your place in the second group, OP, it sounds ace.*

They are ace. Really special. That’s why I’m sad that what we do when we get together just isn’t my cup of tea

If you felt sluggish and full at the end of a weekend it's not really their fault - you can order salads etc at restaurants, or if it's self catered can you tell them you have an intolerance and you'll sort your own food out? It's up to you to not eat/drink so much that you feel unwell - they might feel fine! Of course if you're no longer enjoying their company, outside of the food issue, then don't go.

The food was endlessly planned and discussed

...by whom? Do you get a say in any of this @Atadaddicted - how can you use your voice to introduce foods you'd like, considering it's a group after all and they value you?

and so rich and the quantities enormous

If the food is rich, couldn't you have less of it? I mean, I'm not telling you how much to eat, but you said yourself you felt sluggish which was indicated as undesirable.

Is it mandatory to eat loads and loads? Who serves the portions? Is it a kind of "let's all eat as much as we can" fest which would likewise not be my bag either and I would think you weren't being unreasonable at all?

Or is there more to this and you'd be ostracised and poked at bt your friends for asking for smaller portions?

and so much drink

Again is there peer pressure going on here? Couldn't you just have one or two glasses, or is it like a lot of threads on here, where everyone is expected to have a bottle each, and would be frowned upon if putting a hand over their glass as a "spoilsport"?

OP I think there has to be some peer pressure here, otherwise why not control what you take in, and have a happier holiday as a result just enjoying their company?

But you don't have to eat and drink the same as everyone else .

Alternate alcohol and soft drinks/water. Choose your own food when eating out. If eating as a group at someone's house, just pick the lighter options and bring your own if it's entirely rich stodge, which I doubt, most people like to put out a balanced selection when entertaining.

Have you made a mistake in the thread title? I'm very confused.

But why would you feel sluggish when you say you ate very little, drank very little and exercised? If you like them so much why not just enjoy their company for the weekend and eat and drink what you want. Let them eat and drink what they want. Sounds like you just came in here to boast about how virtuous you are tbh. Very odd.

Do the second group always cook together? If it's eating out, just order lighter food.

@Chicchicchicchiclana yes mistake in thread title I have asked to be changed

As I said in my post - “despite” not drinking much and not eating excessively - the lack of much movement and the type of food... well everyone was saying “bloomin heck I think I’ve gained half a stone!” Kind of thing at the end of it.

There would be no poking fun at me whatsoever if I said I wanted xyz. And I did bring lots of fruit and some veg to cut to have with the dips. They were eaten only by me!

This is a group of 8 though. The majority wanted X for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I have no intention of spoiling what they wanted because I wanted a salad.

We rarely go out to restaurants actually.

Either weekends away or dinner at each other’s houses.

I wonder if you’re my friend. She has a big group of sporty friends who all met through various boot camps and then there’s us who are the bottomless brunching/boozing types.

She has a big picnic for her birthday each year and the other group are all there with their salads and playing rounders while we sunbathe and drink endless prosecco

I think she likes spending time with us but she will say that she’ll bring her own dinner for example if we’re ordering a takeaway at someone’s house or that she won’t be drinking that night. However she actually never sticks to this and always ends up joining in!

I don't really see the problem. You enjoy their company and want to stay friends, so just eat and drink a bit less when you see them. Presumably you're not going on holiday constantly? So you're just seeing them one meal at a time? If you can't handle one meal with them then you are just not compatible.

x-post

So you're annoyed that when you go for dinner at someone's house that it's all about the food and wine?

I don’t want to lose this group of friends, I don’t want to drift away from them but it does feel like it’s happening....

No biggie to just ask them round to yours for a cup of tea, like you would any friend.

If they don't want to do that, they can't be that interested in meeting up with you.

Well dinner if it's one meal surely isn't an issue, as you can eat and drink as much or as little as you want to.

The weekends away I guess you can either swallow it because the benefits of their company outweigh it, opt out or modify it for yourself. Drink G&Ts with lots of T/ every other glass soda water for example, take yourself off for a hike for some me time, same with a swim or some yoga.

I think you have the best of both worlds.

My extended family is super sporty and all about the healthy lifestyle. Which is nice for the odd weekend when we meet up.

My friends are very much the latter. And when we meet up you defo need a detox after.

Which is also great for the odd weekend but I couldn't do both constantly.

You'd like my friends OP. We usually do active stuff but also eat delicious rich food. Most of us drink but because some don't it is easy to moderate if you feel that way inclined. If you overindulge there is someone not hungover to take care you in the morning. Suits me perfectly!

How often do these gatherings take place?