To NOT see eating quantities of rich food and lots of wine as an enjoyable way to spend time with friends!

82 replies

Atadaddicted · 17/07/2020 11:11

I have two main groups of friends.

Really lovely two groups. I am very blessed. None of what I see on mumsnet sometimes about Bitching and judging etc. Just supportive kind loving and fun friends.

Very different groups. One sporty, active, healthy. When we meet we tend to do walks and a coffee, or If we meet for dinner at each other’s houses it will be delicious salads, fruit based desserts. We went on holiday together and it was spectacular. We hiked, we canoed, are fresh fish, salads - I came home feeling so rejuvenated.

Second group, food and drink lies at the Centre of gatherings. We went for a weekend away to beautiful part of the country and no one wanted to go for a walk. I tried to tempt them with a pub half way round but... no. There was a fabulous pool, but no one went in but me. The food was endlessly planned and discussed and so rich and the quantities enormous and so much drink. Despite drinking very little and stopping eating when I started to feel full, along With going for a run, swim and a walk, by the end of the weekend I felt so.... sluggish and full!

So here’s the problem. I’m beginning to less enjoy getting together with the latter group and favouring the former. And I feel so sad about it. I have suggested to the former on so many occasions over the many years we have friends that we do other stuff when we get together beside it always being about food and wine but it’s very much not on the cards.

I don’t want to lose this group of friends, I don’t want to drift away from them but it does feel like it’s happening....

OP posts:

Stompythedinosaur · 18/07/2020 12:34

You don't sound like you like group 2 much, so see them less, or not at all.

Your post is pretty clear that you see something superior about how group 1 acts, and that you see yourself as superior to group 2.

I'm guessing this is as much about weight loss as fitness tbh.

fellrunner85 · 18/07/2020 12:36

Not sure why you're getting such a hard time, OP.

I think I fall somewhere in the middle of your groups of friends; probably more towards group 1. My idea of a good holiday involves days of walking, bike riding and running, but with lots of good food too. Ideally I'd like a long run first thing, followed by a massive fry up, and then the rest of the day out walking. Big evening meal and a chat to follow.

I've been on holiday with big groups like your group 2 and I, too, felt sluggish and unhealthy afterwards. Yes a bit of a blowout on holiday is great, but not for every single meal. I've had holidays where people are already prepping big lunches before the breakfast stuff is washed up, and that level of focus on food - without actually doing anything in between said meals - just seems v odd to me.

I'll probably get flamed for this, but I also don't think people realise how boring they get when they're pissed. I'm the only non drinker in my group of friends, and it's always grand til about 11pm..when they start slurring, repeating themselves, talking shite and so on. Sometimes it's funny, but more often than not it's just really dull. My funny, kind, clever friends are there with their eyes glazed over and talking bollocks. And then in the morning they feel rough, don't want to do anything, and are asking what they did last night..wasting a morning where we could've all been out doing something enjoyable together.

This whole "we're on holiday so we're going to gorge ourselves" is part of the reason so many people are overweight. Sorry, but it is. It's part of the same mindset as "it's Friday so I deserve wine" or "I've had a hard day at work so I can eat chocolate" or "I've been for a walk so I can have chips and 3 pints in the pub." I was the same, a few years ago. I used to think every celebration or fun event had to involve getting pissed and eating loads ... but when I stopped drinking and found other fun ways to have a nice time I definitely felt much better

Not sure what the answer is, but it's a shame if you lose a good group of friends over it. In your shoes I'd go along, do my own thing, and quietly excuse myself from the massive lunches...thus leaving space to enjoy the massive dinner!

StillCoughingandLaughing · 18/07/2020 14:13

I don’t understand why, when you have group 1, you want to turn group 2 into group 1A? If group 2 were your only friends and shared none of your interests, I could see that would be frustrating, but can’t you just do the hiking, salad-eating thing with group 1 rather than stressing that group 2 prefer nachos to crudités with their houmous?

LonginesPrime · 18/07/2020 14:22

Just don't eat the food you don't want to eat when you see those friends, OP. Carry on bringing your own salads, etc and don't eat the food that makes you feel like shit.

If they're as nice as you say, I'm sure they wouldn't mind you going off for a run here and there - just because they don't enjoy hiking, it doesn't mean you have to eat rich food and drink wine all day!

Hardbackwriter · 18/07/2020 17:51

But this is the same problem as OP's attitude - your friends are doing something they all find enjoyable together. It's totally reasonable for you not to enjoy it but your only options are to either not spend time with them when they drink or to accept it as the trade-off if you enjoy the rest of the time. You can't expect them all to stop doing something they find enjoyable because you don't like it. You don't get to dictate what the group does because you feel you know better than them what's a good way to spend time.

MrsGrindah · 18/07/2020 17:57

I think you need to consider your definition of friendship tbh. You can enjoy different things without judging you know. If I knew you felt like that about me I wouldn’t class you as a true friend.

Butchyrestingface · 18/07/2020 18:00

You lost me at 'fruit based deserts', @Atadaddicted.

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