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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be incredibly sad...

82 replies

Megadesk63 · 16/07/2020 21:31

That my husband will have to miss his third Christmas in a row with our son and I?...
This also being our son's third Christmas in this world as well (he'll only be 2.5yo).
He's trying his absolute hardest to get his shift changed but it seems like it's not going to happen. And then he's down to work boxing day and 27th as well. (Night shifts which wipe the days out).
I know it's not a massive thing to some, but it's a huge deal in both our families, and I just wish there was some way, feel utterly powerless.
There are a number of other people on the team that could do the shift (who haven't done it the last two years as well) so it's not exactly like he's the only one who could.
It's just been crap on top of crap recently, and this was the cherry on top. And I can't moan about it around him because he's already incredibly sad.
Not sure why I'm posting, maybe just for some solidarity if anyone else has been in the same position, maybe just because it would be good to know if I'm going mad expecting some consideration to be given about a third Christmas shift in a row.

OP posts:

rawlikesushi · 16/07/2020 21:48

Most employers do Christmas shifts on a rota. Why is he expected to do Christmas Day and Boxing Day for the third day on the run?

What job does he do?

If night shift, is he home for Christmas morning and then out of bed for dinner?

GlittercheeksOakleaf · 16/07/2020 21:52

Is he working over New Year?

When my DC were younger and DH was due to work Christmas, he swapped with someone who preferred to have NYE/NYD off - is that a possibility?

midsummabreak · 16/07/2020 22:00

Can he put it into writing, and send a brief email stating his request to take leave over Christmas and that he has worked Christmas for the last two years.

He should not accept no for an answer; others in the team need to take their turn.
He needs to keep copies of emails and if needed elevate to management

pigcon1 · 16/07/2020 22:07

This won’t make it better for you but your child will not know - celebrate early and try not to put too much emphasis on it. I have been in a similar situation. Next year will be more important.

Original poster

Megadesk63 · 16/07/2020 22:07

He's in emergency services - they've said the allocation is at random, and that leave is first come first serve. But that surely can't be the case if he's had it three years in a row?
He's trying to someone to swap for new years, just no one seems keen (totally understand that!).
Definitely going to make sure it's in writing and go up the chain, we just can't think of anything else he can do.
Sorry for being miserable, I was just so hoping that this year would be our year together!

OP posts:

Original poster

Megadesk63 · 16/07/2020 22:08

And thank you for replying everyone, it's nice to chat with people out there about this and hear different perspectives :)

OP posts:

monkeysox · 16/07/2020 22:14

My dh used to have fixed shift patterns. When our DC were tiny we had Xmas day on Xmas Eve one year. And boxing day another Kids didn't know.

Ellie56 · 16/07/2020 22:24

If you really can't get it changed, make your own Christmas on a different day. DS won't know.

Nomorepies · 16/07/2020 22:24

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

LouiseTrees · 16/07/2020 22:26

My mum was in emergency services and only did every second Christmas. The other years she did New Years. I would definitely tell him to go up the chain.

RonnieBob · 16/07/2020 22:27

@Nomorepies

Three years in a row is bullshit. It's only happening because he's putting up with it. Most places have a rota system. He needs to push his boss on it.

This. He’s having the piss taken out of him.

PurpleDaisies · 16/07/2020 22:30

That’s really unfortunate. I agree with the suggestion to move Christmas to another day.

Totally understand why you’re disappointed.

Amibannedorwhat · 16/07/2020 22:30

Hope he can get it sorted and have some time with you all it’s very unfair. Where I work it’s supposed to be taken in turns but without fail the usual suspects book the following year off before the decorations are even down, management are shite and allow it. Fooking place.

MorningNinja · 16/07/2020 22:32

I'm emergency services and we put names in a hat - it's not ideal but if you are on a shift with a lot of other parents it is luck having it off.

What shift is he Christmas Day? Usually I find that I can sort some kind of family Christmas around my shift...it just has to be less traditional I guess.

Who will put it in writing? You or your DH? In my organisation I don't see what help this would be.

Original poster

Megadesk63 · 16/07/2020 22:36

Absolutely agree, it's totally not on and he's going to be pushing it up the chain (I'm going to help him with ideas for that too).
In the meantime we'll be thinking about ways to make Christmas either on another day or around the shifts as PPs mentioned, so he still gets his sleep but also gets to celebrate.
Thank you for the support and suggestions everyone!

OP posts:

Florencenotflo · 16/07/2020 22:36

DH is emergency services (Fire service). Years ago half the station had kids and half were under 30 and didn't have kids. So the ones with had Christmas off and worked NY and vice versa. Now the split has changed and isn't even enough to do that, the people he works with are quite fair and reasonable, so they all make sure they do their fair share over both holidays.

Same where I work, I ask for everyone's leave requests in October and I look at how much cover we need and give people as close to what they ask for. Most years everyone gets what they want because again, they are all reasonable people.

Your DH's work need to re-evaluate the way they work out Christmas leave. Or remind him to put his leave in in January for next year!

Standardy · 16/07/2020 22:36

I used to work for the emergency services, because people often changed watch we didn't do a rota as it was too hard to manage and make fair. We also pulled names, and people could choose their preference, no one worked more than 2 years in a row though, and many people swapped. Usually I would say that's the way the cookie crumbles, but if he has done 3 in a row that does seem unfair, he should speak to his line manager. They probably won't do much, but shift work sucks anyway, let alone when every year it's the same story. Christmas on another day sounds a nice idea, even though it's not the same.

excuseforfights · 16/07/2020 22:38

Sounds very fishy OP. Who is managing the random draw? I wonder if the manager has favourites?

PubGrub123 · 16/07/2020 22:42

"Do" Xmas on another day that suits you instead when you are able to be together

FinallyHere · 16/07/2020 22:45

Another vote to shift Christmas to another day for you. Especially while DC are so little, they won't notice. Enjoy it, as a family tradition.

PlanDeRaccordement · 16/07/2020 22:45

There are twelve days of Christmas. Just do the gifts on any one of those when he is off work.

PenfoldPenny · 16/07/2020 22:47

This wouldnt bother me at all - especially not with a child so young. My kids (older teens now) have almost never celebrated Christmas day on 25th December owing to family living away/work shifts. Its no biggie. We just celebrate low key just us on 25th and with their dad/other family on various days that suit.

LockdownLump · 16/07/2020 22:47

My DH was on call paste Christmas day. In this Christmas day.

Is he in Xmas Eve? Can you make that a special day for you all?

LockdownLump · 16/07/2020 22:48

*last not paste ffs

Shizzlestix · 16/07/2020 22:50

My dh is also emergency services and he can ask for annual leave if he isn’t off for certain dates. The shift pattern alternates so he should definitely have missed one of the dates. He needs to talk to logistics.

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