AIBU to be incredibly sad...

[Megadesk63]

That my husband will have to miss his third Christmas in a row with our son and I?...
This also being our son's third Christmas in this world as well (he'll only be 2.5yo).
He's trying his absolute hardest to get his shift changed but it seems like it's not going to happen. And then he's down to work boxing day and 27th as well. (Night shifts which wipe the days out).
I know it's not a massive thing to some, but it's a huge deal in both our families, and I just wish there was some way, feel utterly powerless.
There are a number of other people on the team that could do the shift (who haven't done it the last two years as well) so it's not exactly like he's the only one who could.
It's just been crap on top of crap recently, and this was the cherry on top. And I can't moan about it around him because he's already incredibly sad.
Not sure why I'm posting, maybe just for some solidarity if anyone else has been in the same position, maybe just because it would be good to know if I'm going mad expecting some consideration to be given about a third Christmas shift in a row.

It’s harsh that he isn’t off and it’s “random”. It doesn’t sound random, more like he gets screwed each time. Grounds for a grievance being opened in my world, where people take it in turns. This doesn’t help but in my line of work (key worker) it wouldn’t be his turn. It seems New Year is less of a thing each year and people are less bothered about being off. So it’s harder to swap New Year for Christmas. As others have said can Christmas be on a different day? An old work colleague used to do this as her husband was in the fire brigade

When l did rotas then l made sure EVERYONE did 2 or 3 of the “big days” I.e. Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day, New Years Eve and New Years Day

@NoProblem123 everyone is slipping!

@PurpleDaisies exactly, no one should get a pass just because they have children. What about people with elderly parents, want to volunteer or want to travel etc? Everyone’s time off is precious

Could he not 'get Norovirus' on 24th December?

Could he not 'get Norovirus' on 24th December?

That would be an utterly shitty thing to do.

@Ellie56

If you really can't get it changed, make your own Christmas on a different day. DS won't know.

Agree with this, do the whole thing a day early and book next year off now!

@Lovely1a2b3c

Could he not 'get Norovirus' on 24th December?

I feel rather you suggest that. Didn't the OP say emergency services?

Used to work shifts in emergency services. Average was one Christmas off every 4-5 years. The set shifts were never changed in any way by managers and leave was always 'first come first serve'.

People would often bribe 'incentivize' each other with bottles of booze though to swap shifts. Maybe he can try that?

Like a PP said- in the police there was no 'rota' or leeway. Though this could probably vary by force area. Your shifts are set and sent through as per your standard shift pattern for the year. You'd be laughed at for trying to raise a grievance about it. It often feels like a job where you just don't have the same 'rights' as other, normal jobs. Holiday/leave and days off all cancelled at the last minute. It's crap.

There were just never enough staff to cover the shifts.

Thanks everyone! In a way, even though it must be crap for some, it's nice to know others has been through it and come out the other side with little one not knowing the difference. DS's just so much more aware now, I was so worried he was going to notice/be upset.

I wish it was as easy as a second family! I would also hope that I wasn't so bad at reading him that I wouldn't at least have an inkling if he didn't actually want to be around for Xmas!

DH is probably the most angry I've ever seen him so it sounds like he's going to take this as high up as he can. There's nothing much I can do (can't even phone the HR Rota lot like a PP mentioned!), as the team can't even do that directly themselves, so I'm just going to be here to listen. He's back in today so will go and talk to his bosses boss to start the process.
I think like a PP suggested, ultimately the only way to completely remove himself from the possibility is to go up the ranks! Which he was going to do anyway but this has given him an incentive to push it faster.

That sounds like a shit way to allocate days and very open to abuse. I hope he gets this situation resolved.

My dad was a herdsman. Worked most Christmasses ( 6 days a week job and relief milker also had young children). We just worked it round him to be honest as he would be back at some point in the day.
Christmas was magical. Most of it is the build up in the weeks before anyway,. Present unwrapping and a big meal can be done anytime especially at the age of 3.

He needs to push back for this year and book annual leave next Christmas.

*20th - 24th sorry!

Bless him. That's not fair at all. Is he working Christmas Eve, Christmas day, boxing day? I'd do Christmas on a different day and plan it like that's the day. With your child being so little it will still be so magical. You can sprinkle "reindeer's food" in the garden. Watch a film. Do Christmas Eve then gave your Christmas day whenever. . Then spend Christmas day at someone's house whilst he is working? Have dinner etc.

If Easter can change every year then so can Christmas. Then hopefully next year he can be home x

This is wrong. If people want to swap between themselves that’s fine, but giving priority to people with kids is wrong. Everyone’s personal life is important. But adults are able to understand swapping Christmas for a different day whereas children aren't so much. I worked every Christmas before I had children but now ask for every other off. I think alternating years is fair.

Looking at the positive, he is nights on Christmas Day. Yes, it's not ideal but he is there for the majority of the day.

Working weekends/bank holidays/Christmas/Halloween is part of the job and something that you sign up for when you join. You move department and your new team/supervisor doesn't always care about the previous years leave.

For the poster who said for him to call in sick, I'm sure if you thought about that comment you'd think again. Also, emergency services are different to a lot of other places of work...you cannot work on a skeleton crew when there are people's lives at risk.

Also, whatever you do, don't call or write to anyone within his workplace. If my DP did this I'd be completely mortified and highly embarrassed.

My DP and I are both in emergency services too and it's on a rota basis. So you wouldn't be expected to do 3 years in a row. But there's always some people who would prefer to work xmas and have NY off. So I've never worked xmas but worked NY instead as it works for our team. DP did xmas day and Boxing Day last year, so wouldn't be expected to do it this year (different team). He should speak to his line manager and explain, or ask around and see if anyone would swap and he work NY instead.

But adults are able to understand swapping Christmas for a different day whereas children aren't so much. I worked every Christmas before I had children but now ask for every other off. I think alternating years is fair.

Children are perfectly capable of understanding that mummy has to work. That is exactly what happened to me growing up because my mum is a nurse. Usually it’s more the parents not wanting to miss out, which is understandable but it isn’t fair for bosses to award time off preferentially on that basis. Anyone is entitled to ask for Christmas off any year and obviously it would be lovely if no one had to work more than one in a row. Where I have an issue is deciding that children trump everyone else’s right to celebrate Christmas in the way that they want to.

@PurpleDaisies all of this. My fiancé’s parents both did shifts and so did my dad, often missing Christmas entirely or gone half the day. We both turned out fine

@Lovely1a2b3c

Could he not 'get Norovirus' on 24th December?

Please don’t.

My Dad was a nurse, they all worked a 4 hour shift on Christmas Day to keep it as fair as possible. But people doing things like that meant that people like my dad ended up having to work the full day to cover for the same people pulling the same tricks.

@PurpleDaisies

But adults are able to understand swapping Christmas for a different day whereas children aren't so much. I worked every Christmas before I had children but now ask for every other off. I think alternating years is fair.

Children are perfectly capable of understanding that mummy has to work. That is exactly what happened to me growing up because my mum is a nurse. Usually it’s more the parents not wanting to miss out, which is understandable but it isn’t fair for bosses to award time off preferentially on that basis. Anyone is entitled to ask for Christmas off any year and obviously it would be lovely if no one had to work more than one in a row. Where I have an issue is deciding that children trump everyone else’s right to celebrate Christmas in the way that they want to.

I agree. I was 30 before my dad had a Christmas Day off (retiring is an extreme way to do it!) and still have lots of fantastic Christmas memories