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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Woman at work extremely rude to me

90 replies

planetfedup · 15/07/2020 20:07

I have name changed for this. I don't want to go into specific details because it is very outing. Anyway the upshot is that a woman at work in a senior position (not my boss) was extremely rude and bullying to me yesterday. I have worked in the same office for over 30 years - her about 15. My own boss is currently on holiday. Originally my boss was going into the office alone during the pandemic. I had symptoms of Covid and was unable to go in (I live locally) but when I was out of quarantine I went in to assist (wasn't asked to). I could tell he was struggling. During this time I did a lot of jobs that weren't mine to help out whilst the rest of the staff were either furloughed or working from home. The lady in question only came back to the office yesterday although others have been back for weeks. I felt that as we are a small office and that as I had assisted a lot and actually helped her do her job from home by scanning stuff that we might have a more cordial working environment. However, an incident occurred yesterday and I mentioned that I had done a lot of tasks outwith my comfort zone to assist. Her reaction was woe is me and basically she couldn't give a toss. I wasn't trying to be a martyr. I have been working a lot of overtime because things in my own job have suddenly become manic and as my boss is off I am working an extra 3 hours or so a day - including working lunch - no one else is doing this. I am doing it for my own benefit because I wouldn't be able to catch up. I don't want to ramble on but advice please on how I should proceed. I actually feel like handing in my notice I am so upset with the attitude of the staff who haven't been in. I did calmly explain that I didn't appreciate her tone or her bullying behaviour and would appreciae that she did not speak to me like that in future.

OP posts:

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 15/07/2020 20:10

When I feel particularly aggrieved at work I tend to work to rule. I come in, do my hours and go home. If there is too much work then that's my boss' problem, not mine.

If you are a small office I presume there's no HR? If there is, and you feel it warrants it, I'd report her.

WorraLiberty · 15/07/2020 20:12

What bullying behaviour?

She spoke to you rudely and you told her you'd appreciate it if she didn't.

Surely that's the end of it?

Justcallmebebes · 15/07/2020 20:20

It's the new Brexit. Furloughed v unfurloughed

Original poster

planetfedup · 15/07/2020 20:21

This particular woman has a bit of a history of bullying behaviour and has fallen out with most of the office. No one really has the guts to stand up to her but I couldn't just leave it. I asked to speak to her privately today and she was very dismissive that she had upset me. She kind of apologised but more or less ranted and raved at me. I agreed that I would continue to deal with her on a professional basis but I certainly won't go out of my way. I'm just fed up with people who are lazy trying to get out of working which is happening a lot in the office.

OP posts:

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/07/2020 20:22

If you’ve namechanged surely it doesn’t matter if your post is outing?

Some detail might help people answer you. I doubt it’s worth quitting. Everyone’s more stressed than usual at the moment. After 30 years your pension must be epic. Hold tight, I’m sure things will calmed down. Sorry you’ve been upset.

Original poster

planetfedup · 15/07/2020 20:23

ustcallmebebes thing is she wasn't furloughed. She has just enjoyed working from home all the time. I only want in to help because my boss was really struggling. I know this won't be appreciated nor will my extra work. I just feel I am too old for all this nonsense but don't really know where I would get another job.

OP posts:

Original poster

planetfedup · 15/07/2020 20:26

AnneLovesGilbert no epic pension I'm afraid. I think things have been compounded because after suspected Covid I have had long term lung pain and breathing issues. I got tests done - fast resting heart, anaemic and possible post viral syndrome. I'm exhausted but there really is no one else who can do my job (with the exception of my boss). I'm just tired and emotional and she didn't help.

OP posts:

Original poster

planetfedup · 15/07/2020 20:28

She basically told me she didn't give a toss I had been coming in to work, that it was my decision to do extra work and that her heart was bleeding for me. She was however saying this in a very nasty manner in front of a work colleague. Just thought there might have been a bit of give and take.

OP posts:

kazzer2867 · 15/07/2020 20:30

However, an incident occurred yesterday and I mentioned that I had done a lot of tasks outwith my comfort zone to assist. Her reaction was woe is me and basically she couldn't give a toss.

Sorry OP, I might be missing something but I've re-read your post several times and I can't see where she has been a bully. She might have been rude, but that is completely different from being a bully.

BitOfFun · 15/07/2020 20:35

You dealt with it on the day, which is great (I probably would have got tearful if I was still upset!). Done and dusted, move on.

Original poster

planetfedup · 15/07/2020 20:36

kazzer2867 I think it was more her tone that upset me. If she had spoken to me in a calm and reasonable manner I wouldn't have been bothered. She really does have an unfortunately way of speaking to people and several staff have been upset by her in the past. I just don't think you should speak to people that way. I can stand my ground but you just never know the emotional state of someone you are being nasty to.

OP posts:

damnthatanxiety · 15/07/2020 20:37

I'm not sure why you are the only one who can do the work. That is never the case. If you ended up in hospital, the work would get done, right? So, stop being a martyr and leave the extra work. Then she may start to appreciate you more. People like that don't respond to the carrot. They respond to the stick

Original poster

planetfedup · 15/07/2020 20:37

BitOfFun didn't directly deal with it at the time - never slept a wink and went in early to have it out with her. I couldn't just let her get away with it but to be honest she doesn't really think she's done anything wrong.

OP posts:

Original poster

planetfedup · 15/07/2020 20:40

damnthatanxiety literally no one but my boss can do the job but he's snowed under himself. I don't want to add to his problems. I certainly don't want to be a martyr and I wouldn't do extra work unless I had to. I guess I will just need to state my case and leave it at that but I'm pretty pissed off.

OP posts:

Andylion · 15/07/2020 20:41

@planetfedup

OP, did you speak to her today? It sounds as though you have already dealt with it.

Whenwillthisbeover · 15/07/2020 20:41

Let it go now, she was a cow, you pulled her up on it which was exactly the right thing to do, unfortunately she is still a cow, forget it and avoid her where possible, but please don’t lose any more sleep over her.

JaniceWebster · 15/07/2020 20:42

Your OP is not clear at all on the bullying incident so it's very difficult to answer you. I don't understand what she has done wrong either.

She basically told me she didn't give a toss I had been coming in to work, that it was my decision to do extra work

well... a bit harsh, but sounds about right. It's not really her problem or responsibility if you chose to come instead of working from home.

To be frank, I work a lot more when I am at home than when I am in the office. If she felt you meant she was doing nothing from home, she might have been rightly annoyed. I don't know.

Again, with so little details, she doesn't come across as having done anything wrong!

lifesgoodwithlg · 15/07/2020 20:45

Op, I am sorry you felt she has being rude but your posts do come across as very martyrish. It's poor company policy for only 2 people to be able to complete tasks, she's right you did choose to do all OT.

Atalune · 15/07/2020 20:46

I think just leave it now.

You are working more, maybe you feel you owe it to the company. But the woman is right, you volunteered yourself and if you grudge it then stop.
She shouldn’t have snapped at you, but equally you shouldn’t be letting her know the extras you’re doing, what did you want, gratitude? If you expected thanks then you were mistaken. Harsh as that is.

Work is work. People can be delights or horrors. Don’t give it anymore headspace and stop working the extra hours.

itswinetime · 15/07/2020 20:50

She basically told me she didn't give a toss I had been coming in to work, that it was my decision to do extra work and that her heart was bleeding for me

Her tone may have been out of line but she's not wrong! You have said yourself you chose to go in and you have chosen to do the extra work to help out. That's between you and your boss not this lady.

It's sounds like you are fed up and feeling under appreciation which is a crap way to feel but and I may be wrong it sounds like you are mentioning all the extra stuff you are doing which can come across in a bad way. Like you are judging other people or seeking their praise.

She shouldn't have spoken to you rudely but maybe you need to think about if you need to step back from all the extra work as opposed to carrying on and feeling more and more miserable. Because she has a point it's not her problem that you are working extra without getting any credit. It's something only you can change.

Original poster

planetfedup · 15/07/2020 20:55

Atalune there's a lot more to it. I had asked if someone who worked with her could assist with something. My only point was that we had all had to muck in and do things we wouldn't normally do. This is what caused the whole scenario at the time. The only reason I told her that was because she was having a rent. I told her it was my choice to come in to assist. I also said I was not getting at her for working from home - no idea how much or how little she was doing but that isn't my business. Unfortunately the job I am in is very time specific so I can't just leave things. I really don't want to work overtime - I do everything in my power to avoid it.

OP posts:

Suzie6789 · 15/07/2020 20:56

She was rude and you said your piece. I would try to move on now.
I would also keep your distance and it you have to interact keep it very professional to keep the moral high ground. If she’s like this all the time it won’t have gone unnoticed.

Original poster

planetfedup · 15/07/2020 20:58

itswinetime I totally get what you are saying. I wasn't trying to be a martyr or complain about what I had done during lockdown - wouldn't have said a word if she hadn't been so obnoxious. I'm just frustrated I suppose.

OP posts:

Atalune · 15/07/2020 21:01

I’m starting to see why the woman might have ranted! You have a pernicious way of posting! The impression I am getting if you is that you are detail driven and a perfectionist and hold yourself to a high account. I think you might wind her up TBH.

She didn’t need to snap at you and she shouldn’t be rude. But it’s not worth jacking your job in!

Get some perspective and leave it now

ComeBackIntoTheGardenMaud · 15/07/2020 21:05

I'm another one who can't see any bullying here, although she's clearly been rude and abrupt. They're not the same thing. You said your piece yesterday and again today so it's very hard to know what more you could do or what more you want to achieve.

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