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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Woman at work extremely rude to me

90 replies

planetfedup · 15/07/2020 20:07

I have name changed for this. I don't want to go into specific details because it is very outing. Anyway the upshot is that a woman at work in a senior position (not my boss) was extremely rude and bullying to me yesterday. I have worked in the same office for over 30 years - her about 15. My own boss is currently on holiday. Originally my boss was going into the office alone during the pandemic. I had symptoms of Covid and was unable to go in (I live locally) but when I was out of quarantine I went in to assist (wasn't asked to). I could tell he was struggling. During this time I did a lot of jobs that weren't mine to help out whilst the rest of the staff were either furloughed or working from home. The lady in question only came back to the office yesterday although others have been back for weeks. I felt that as we are a small office and that as I had assisted a lot and actually helped her do her job from home by scanning stuff that we might have a more cordial working environment. However, an incident occurred yesterday and I mentioned that I had done a lot of tasks outwith my comfort zone to assist. Her reaction was woe is me and basically she couldn't give a toss. I wasn't trying to be a martyr. I have been working a lot of overtime because things in my own job have suddenly become manic and as my boss is off I am working an extra 3 hours or so a day - including working lunch - no one else is doing this. I am doing it for my own benefit because I wouldn't be able to catch up. I don't want to ramble on but advice please on how I should proceed. I actually feel like handing in my notice I am so upset with the attitude of the staff who haven't been in. I did calmly explain that I didn't appreciate her tone or her bullying behaviour and would appreciae that she did not speak to me like that in future.

OP posts:
JRUIN · 15/07/2020 21:50

Sounds to me that you've been creeping up your bosses arse and you are resentful because this woman hasn't and yet is in a higher position than you despite you being there twice as long.

planetfedup · 15/07/2020 21:50

itswinetime she can put through as much overtime as she likes - it's not my money.

OP posts:
CuppaZa · 15/07/2020 21:51

You haven’t included much information regarding her alleged bullying so it’s impossible to comment.
There is no need for rudeness, however you do sound a bit like a martyr

planetfedup · 15/07/2020 21:53

CuppaZa I promise you I'm not - If i could pap half my work on someone else I would do it in a heartbeat and I only do extra hours when absolutely vital. The thing is I am really fast at getting things done (not a boast) and have made a rod for my own back.

OP posts:
slashlover · 15/07/2020 21:54

slashlover you're right and I know I could be made redundant just like anyone else - no one is indispensible - if he had to replace me it would have to be someone who probably had the qualifications but not the experience along with a secretary to work for them which would cost a lot more.

My point isn't just about redundancy. You're doing all of this extra work for the business but when it comes down to it, it's to makes someone else a profit.

You realised money was tight and didn't put in overtime but seem upset that she did, even though you are both entitled to that money.

I think you have to stop and think about why you're doing all this, the more you do then the more they're going to take advantage of you. Why were people furloughed if you were run ragged and doing unpaid overtime? Because good old planetfedup will do it. They may not have known the intricacies of the job but you could have shown them some things, you mention scanning which I'm sure someone else could have done. But no, good old planetfedup can cope. Your boss went on holiday and leftyou to it.

TBH it wasn't until I started at my current job that I realised how terribly I was treated at my previous one. Silly things like my current manager telling me to start at 10 past the hour on a Sunday so I don't need to come in 50 mins early (buses are hourly at the moment) and in turn I'll happily start 15 minutes early during the week if I get in early.

TheCanyon · 15/07/2020 21:56

@planetfedup

She basically told me she didn't give a toss I had been coming in to work, that it was my decision to do extra work and that her heart was bleeding for me. She was however saying this in a very nasty manner in front of a work colleague. Just thought there might have been a bit of give and take.
Well she's not wrong really is she? You were wanting her to pick your arse for being so glorious and saving the day, it wasn't your job to do and no one asked you yet you're fucked off she didn't worship your feet
TheCanyon · 15/07/2020 21:56

Lick* not pick

planetfedup · 15/07/2020 21:56

JRUIN seriously? We do a completely different job - she couldn't do my job and I couldn't do hers. You seriously think I am creeping up the boss's arse. Why would I need to after all this time?. I just felt that he was really struggling (well so he kept telling me) and i went in voluntarily to help. He asked her to come in one day to assist because there was a lot of things to do that couldn't really be done from home - she moaned at me because it really didn't suit her to come in that day!

OP posts:
slashlover · 15/07/2020 21:59

I get paid time and a half for overtime and would never work without getting paid for it - I don't mind the odd hour here or there but I am certainly no being a total mug.

But earlier you said

I will put in overtime now but I haven't over the lockdown because I realised money was tight but I overheard her telling someone else she had claimed over time - she does the wages!

And you've been working and extra 3 hours per day and over lunch.

planetfedup · 15/07/2020 22:01

TheCanyon Are you not getting it. I didn't mention at all the things I had been doing until I asked for her assistant to do something (which is in he job of her department) only to be told they were far too busy. It was only after she was extremely nasty to me that I mentioned that I had been doing work that was technically her department's work and I was hoping for a bit of give and take. I don't want anyone to worship me, I do a good job because that's my nature.

OP posts:
planetfedup · 15/07/2020 22:04

slashlover sorry should have been clearer. During lockdown I don't think overtime was justified - some days were far busier than others - never got the option of claiming i anyway - she does the wages and usually sends an e-mail round but she didn't ask.

OP posts:
planetfedup · 15/07/2020 22:04

I will be claiming for all overtime from now on.

OP posts:
Elsewyre · 15/07/2020 22:06

@planetfedup

ustcallmebebes thing is she wasn't furloughed. She has just enjoyed working from home all the time. I only want in to help because my boss was really struggling. I know this won't be appreciated nor will my extra work. I just feel I am too old for all this nonsense but don't really know where I would get another job.
15 hours of OT pay a week in a time when most people are taking reduced pay is surely the "appreciation"?
slashlover · 15/07/2020 22:08

By not emailing her over lockdown you were "being a total mug" when they had people furloughed who could have shouldered some of the burden. Was her assistant furloughed otherwise why were you doing work for her department?

slashlover · 15/07/2020 22:10

@Elsewyre OP didn't claim the overtime, she worked it for free. OP, if working unpaid takes you to an average of less than NMW then I think that's illegal.

Elsewyre · 15/07/2020 22:11

@planetfedup

slashlover sorry should have been clearer. During lockdown I don't think overtime was justified - some days were far busier than others - never got the option of claiming i anyway - she does the wages and usually sends an e-mail round but she didn't ask.
Ok so depending on your pay you may have just forcibly made your boss/company guilty of violating minimum wage?

I can see why the person who's discharge of payroll may be a little bit pissed off with you....

planetfedup · 15/07/2020 22:15

Elsewyre really? She never asked if anyone had overtime - and I can assure everyone I am not working for less than minimum wage. slashlover everyone in her department apart from her was furloughed and my boss was doing the work that needed done in the office. He asked for assistance with it when I started going back in to work - sometimes I had more time and didn't mind helping.

OP posts:
SusieOwl4 · 15/07/2020 22:18

I would write down everything that happened and the words that were used . Date it , sign it . You may need it later .

And it might make you feel a bit better . If it escalates you have your notes. No need for rudeness . And I appreciate how you feel.

managedmis · 15/07/2020 22:19

I felt that as we are a small office and that as I had assisted a lot and actually helped her do her job from home by scanning stuff that we might have a more cordial working environment.

^

Yeah. This shows that you're a carpet. I don't blame her for saying she didn't give a shit?

Iamthewombat · 15/07/2020 22:21

I told her it was my choice to come in to assist. I also said I was not getting at her for working from home - no idea how much or how little she was doing but that isn't my business.

Can you really not see why she was annoyed with you?

What is a ‘sick line’? You said on the previous page that you were ‘on a sick line for a week and three days’ but worked from your bed.

I’ll be frank: I think that I might have reacted similarly to your colleague. You sound like hard work. She comes into the office, having been working from home. You ask for admiration for your unstinting devotion to the business (which, let me tell you, will not give a flying you-know-what about you when the chips are down) and ever so passively aggressively simper that she shouldn’t feel bad about having worked from home rather than coming into the office and doing loads of extra work to help other people like heroic little you.

Your reaction is disproportionate. All this “I didn’t get a wink of sleep” stuff. She was brusque with you, but you invited it. Get over it. Now you’re determined to “get her” (a direct quote from one of your earlier posts) for something. If you can’t make bullying stick, you’re going to try to “get her” for something else. It’s chilling.

I hope that I’m wrong, but you sound like the passive aggressive old timer whom everybody wishes would leave but nobody dares challenge because you’d immediately kick up a massive fuss and most likely go off sick with stress, taking as many people down as you can. If you’re not, you are at the very least unhealthily attached to your job and a semi-professional martyr. The type I and many others dread working with.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 15/07/2020 22:27

Literally no one else can do your job.

Really?

planetfedup · 15/07/2020 22:29

Iamthewombat what on earth are you talking about. I am not an old timer as you put it. She is actually older than me. She has at some point had a run in with everyone in the office and runs to the boss. She has been spoken to several times on behalf of other staff members. I am certainly not out to get her as you put it. What would I gain from that? A sick line is when the doctor deems you unfit for work. I wasn't trying to be a martyr about that either and would have loved to have stayed off but was getting pressure to go back in to work. I didn't ask for any admiration from her at all - from what I can gather she is wanting to work from home full time to avoid travel, which is not feasible. I think that's why she was so upset with me.

OP posts:
planetfedup · 15/07/2020 22:30

JayAlfredPrufrock without someone dictating the stuff to them no, unless it is my boss who can dictate for his secretary.

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Mary46 · 15/07/2020 22:30

Hope you ok. I find office politics tricky. Well done saying it. There is a respectful way to speak to people though. I temped so have seen alot. One was awful he was disrespectful to people but everyone afraid of him. Unreal

planetfedup · 15/07/2020 22:32

managedmis I wish I could put down all the facts - I don't know what a carpet is but you must be pretty perfect.

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