Woman at work extremely rude to me

[planetfedup]

I have name changed for this. I don't want to go into specific details because it is very outing. Anyway the upshot is that a woman at work in a senior position (not my boss) was extremely rude and bullying to me yesterday. I have worked in the same office for over 30 years - her about 15. My own boss is currently on holiday. Originally my boss was going into the office alone during the pandemic. I had symptoms of Covid and was unable to go in (I live locally) but when I was out of quarantine I went in to assist (wasn't asked to). I could tell he was struggling. During this time I did a lot of jobs that weren't mine to help out whilst the rest of the staff were either furloughed or working from home. The lady in question only came back to the office yesterday although others have been back for weeks. I felt that as we are a small office and that as I had assisted a lot and actually helped her do her job from home by scanning stuff that we might have a more cordial working environment. However, an incident occurred yesterday and I mentioned that I had done a lot of tasks outwith my comfort zone to assist. Her reaction was woe is me and basically she couldn't give a toss. I wasn't trying to be a martyr. I have been working a lot of overtime because things in my own job have suddenly become manic and as my boss is off I am working an extra 3 hours or so a day - including working lunch - no one else is doing this. I am doing it for my own benefit because I wouldn't be able to catch up. I don't want to ramble on but advice please on how I should proceed. I actually feel like handing in my notice I am so upset with the attitude of the staff who haven't been in. I did calmly explain that I didn't appreciate her tone or her bullying behaviour and would appreciae that she did not speak to me like that in future.

Difficult. She doesn't sound very nice at all but, quite honestly, when you choose to do something without being asked, you cannot expect thanks for it and it's best not to even mention. Have you heard of not letting your right hand know what your left is doing? That's what it means.

If you do something good, keep quiet about it or it looks as though you expect reward.

In the past I've had someone do a few things for me which were unexpected and unasked for; she got them wrong :-). However I appreciated the sentiment very much, particularly as she had kept quiet about it and I didn't say she'd made any mistakes.

It is said no good deed goes unpunished.

This is a difficult time for everyone and it sounds as you and she have been a bit overwhelmed. Just cool it, it will pass.

@planetfedup

Elsewyre really? She never asked if anyone had overtime - and I can assure everyone I am not working for less than minimum wage. slashlover everyone in her department apart from her was furloughed and my boss was doing the work that needed done in the office. He asked for assistance with it when I started going back in to work - sometimes I had more time and didn't mind helping.

You chose to go into work without authorization and without recording and without being paid.

You can't say "but she didn't ask" because you should have informed and got permision.

Assuming you didnt go over 40 hours break the wtd etc?

I dont know your industry but in mine this would have been gross misconduct, you'd have been uninsured and would be out the door and your license ripped up.

And that's before the investigation, fines and suspension of permissions began to role in for the firm

essstan2 thank you very much. She is known for being volatile and most people are a bit scared of her but she was really nice when she worked at home! I wasn't showing off about having been in - I told her that was entirely my choice and that I was never asked to go in - wasn't looking for praise - it was easier for me to work from the office and assist while I was there. The job really isn't easy at home as I don't have a good enough printer/scanner and didn't want to send everything to my boss to print out.

It's also something that would be flagged up with compliance and require a fraud investigation because this is the typical behaviour of a person committing fraud.

They cannot be off and potentially let their scheme be discovered so in they go regardless of pay or authorisation.

Just leave it for now but keep a note of what was said, if she starts again then pass the information on to your boss and let him sort it out

I am not an old timer as you put it. She is actually older than me.

You told us upthread that you have been with the same employer for thirty years and that your colleague has been employed there for fifteen years. So in employee terms you are very much an old timer. Your age is irrelevant.

She has at some point had a run in with everyone in the office and runs to the boss. She has been spoken to several times on behalf of other staff members.

So you say. I wonder what she’d say about you? If you’ve worked together for fifteen years that’s plenty of time for you to nurture resentment. It sounds as if you were deliberately trying to wind her up.

I am certainly not out to get her as you put it.

Every single post is full of complaints about your colleague and requests for advice on how to wreak revenge on her for upsetting you.

What would I gain from that?

By the sound of your posts, you’d get a macabre satisfaction from inflicting damage on your colleague. Seasoned with self-righteousness.

Note: I am not the OP’s colleague! Thank god.

I wasn't trying to be a martyr about that either and would have loved to have stayed off but was getting pressure to go back in to work.

OP, why are you putting yourself out for a company that treats you like shit? Your boss may be lovely to your face but their actions speak louder. You boss saw you struggling but didn't take any employees off of furlough to help you, then disappeared off on holiday. Don't think your boss wasn't aware that you were working for free all this time. They pressured you back when you were ill.

Work out what your average hourly pay was over lockdown then ask yourself if you would apply for a job with that wage now.

I feel you're getting a hard time on here OP, I get you. You felt upset that you had put in so much overtime and helped out with her and others work, and the one time you asked for help, she couldn't be bothered and instead sat around chatting after being nasty to you. I understand how you would be hurt and upset.

However it seems that your co-worker/s and boss don't have the same values and intentions and you. You obviously take pride in your work, you endeavour to do a good job, consider yourself as part of a team and play for the team. You have a very high work ethic.
Unfortunately they don't. And they don't have the positive approach to work that you do, nor consider teamwork important. You are helping out your boss who rolled his eyes at you and never offered you any assistance. I think you are not appreciated and you're being taken for granted and taken advantage of. So I would advise you to not put yourself out for people who treat you like shit. Let your boss take the blame for being bad at managing. Don't take it upon yourself to save the company. It is not your responsibility.

You absolutely were being a martyr and clearly she didn't appreciate your sacrifice enough. I hope you mentioned your working from your sick bed when you were wanting her to kiss your arse.

She wasn't bullying but I'm sure she was quite rude. From all your posts in this thread I can honestly say she was probably a lot more restrained than I'd want to be.

Everything in your posts screams martyr. Pretty sure every workplace has a 'you' and it's not an admired position.

Oh, and finally, an hours chat...big fucking deal. My employer actually scheduled in a 'team' chat every second day because they recognise the importance of feeling 'connected' in these times.

she can put through as much overtime as she likes - it's not my money.

But It bothered you enough that you mentioned it

I am not looking for anything for the extra work - I will put in overtime now but I haven't over the lockdown because I realised money was tight but I overheard her telling someone else she had claimed over time - she does the wages!

The point I'm trying to make is that you obviously feel that have you done a lot to help out the company in a difficult time and that hasn't been appreciated. You seem fed up and I get why but it's not this persons fault. You obviously don't get on and I'm sure she's not the easiest person to work with. However you would be better off talking to management about how you are feeling or looking for somewhere else to work than going around getting upset that other colleges aren't doing as much or are doing things differently. It won't improve anything for you.

I don't blame you for being upset at the rudeness. Its unpleasant and unnecessary but There's a couple of things leaping out here.
!) You could have worked at home but didn't have a printer/scanner and would have had to trouble your boss to print it out.
In a pandemic, your boss had a duty during lockdown to make it easier for staff to work from home.
Why couldn't they order a printer/scanner for you to use at home? Or hire one. Or lend you one? Its not impossible. But it is another example of your boss not managing properly abd expecting everyone to cope without doing anything to make it run more smoothly when they've got a competent person telling them what's needed. This is a poor show when you were ill anyway.
As for their comment when you've asked for help or mentioned there's too much to just say that they work even harder. That just shows they don't listen and rely on you to suck it up, even when it sounds like you've already been doing that a lot
You suggest a solution yourself - they would have to employ a secretary to help out. It sounds like another person is also sick at home. You are sick. Not sure where the boss is, but this is a crisis. Why can't they hire a temp to help you all out for a while to get through this? because its so expensive? Is it really that much to keep everything running?
Finally Why is the load falling on you? It should be falling on the person in charge who is paid for that responsibility. You have to say something.
Its not an easy situation and it sounds like you are doing a reasonable job of coping with it, but all of those things are short term solutions and I think you need to get the boss to start pulling their weight in terms of better management of the shared resources.
You might even find the rude colleague is also willing to say something to the boss about the general workload. Best of luck x

itswinetime:

"I am not looking for anything for the extra work"
..
Don't mention it then. It was your choice.

@planetfedup

heartsonacake she was moaning about being so busy but found time to chat for over an hour. I think that's a double standard. She moans a lot about how much work she has to do even though she delegates most of it and leaves early every day.

No, as I’ve already said, that’s not a double standard. A double standard in that situation would be if she shouted at you for chatting to someone and then did the same herself. One rule for one, and all that.

But anyway, you just want to complain about her because she didn’t fawn over your martyrdom and are quite rude to all the replies here that are right through your act.

There's 2 separate issues here as far as I can see. 1.You dont feel appreciated at work and 2. A colleague spoke to you rudely.
I do believe that it sounds like you arent being appreciated as much as you should be for taking on a higher workload. I dont think people should be praised for entering the workplace compared with working remotely however, as a lot of people may only feel comfortable working remotely due to personal reasons and so it is not in their control. However, the appreciation for your work should be coming from your manager and not from a colleague whom you do not report to.
Regarding your colleague, it sounds like she was a little rude. But in her position I would feel like you've maybe judged her a bit for working remotely and she may feel that you're saying that you're working harder than everyone else - which implies you think shes working less hard than you. You told her you didnt appreciate her tone and she vaguely apologised. That should be the end of this argument with her. I dont think she was bullying you, she just was defensive and maybe a bit rude.

OP, someone was rude to you at work. You have confronted her, asked her not to speak to you like that. She wasn't bullying you as far as I can tell.

We're in the middle of a pandemic, people are stressed, worried about money, out of their comfort zones, dealing with unhappy kids and vulnerable oldies.

Yes she was unprofessional but there will be a lot of this as people come back to work. Stress, fear, mental health issues and money worries will show. It's unrealistic to think they won't. From you too. The next six months will need a lot of give and take.

You can either let it go or you can raise it with your boss when he returns. Leaving in a huff is not to your benefit or his. If I were you, I'd rise above it.