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Original poster

Woman at work extremely rude to me

90 replies

planetfedup · 15/07/2020 20:07

I have name changed for this. I don't want to go into specific details because it is very outing. Anyway the upshot is that a woman at work in a senior position (not my boss) was extremely rude and bullying to me yesterday. I have worked in the same office for over 30 years - her about 15. My own boss is currently on holiday. Originally my boss was going into the office alone during the pandemic. I had symptoms of Covid and was unable to go in (I live locally) but when I was out of quarantine I went in to assist (wasn't asked to). I could tell he was struggling. During this time I did a lot of jobs that weren't mine to help out whilst the rest of the staff were either furloughed or working from home. The lady in question only came back to the office yesterday although others have been back for weeks. I felt that as we are a small office and that as I had assisted a lot and actually helped her do her job from home by scanning stuff that we might have a more cordial working environment. However, an incident occurred yesterday and I mentioned that I had done a lot of tasks outwith my comfort zone to assist. Her reaction was woe is me and basically she couldn't give a toss. I wasn't trying to be a martyr. I have been working a lot of overtime because things in my own job have suddenly become manic and as my boss is off I am working an extra 3 hours or so a day - including working lunch - no one else is doing this. I am doing it for my own benefit because I wouldn't be able to catch up. I don't want to ramble on but advice please on how I should proceed. I actually feel like handing in my notice I am so upset with the attitude of the staff who haven't been in. I did calmly explain that I didn't appreciate her tone or her bullying behaviour and would appreciae that she did not speak to me like that in future.

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Original poster
planetfedup · 15/07/2020 21:05

Atalune you've actually got me all wrong. I certainly don't hold myself to high account or lord it over anyone. I like to do the best job I can and have assisted her department in the past because I hate to see someone struggling. I won't be doing that again.

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Shizzlestix · 15/07/2020 21:07

I think you’ve done well to pull her up on it, I find this kind of stuff very difficult to deal with. Of course it’s going to play on your mind, but you’ve made your feelings clear on the matter, I think you should be professional, polite, ignore her shenanigans if possible and don’t let her upset you.

Original poster
planetfedup · 15/07/2020 21:08

ComeBackIntoTheGardenMaud what would you consider bullying behaviour? She has left several people in the office in tears in the past and has quite an unfortunate manner. I just think if you have a point to make then you should make it reasonably without trying to make someone feel small, especially with an audience.

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Notwiththeseknees · 15/07/2020 21:09

She sounds very unpleasant and unprofessional. Leave it now though as you have behaved in an adult manner and called her up on it. Avoid interacting with her if you possibly can. You must feel very unappreciated, depressed and run down after working so hard through all this and a bit (a lot) of appreciation would not go amiss. Im certain your boss is grateful and I think you should have a chat with him when he gets back into the office. In the meantime, keep your eye out for another job - its always easier to find a job when you already have one and look forward to the time you can tell her to poke her rudeness. Flowers

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 15/07/2020 21:09

She sounds awful, but you dealt with it, so well done on that count.
Are you keeping a record of these conversations. She doesn't sound very team orientated. She sounds unco-operative and maybe your boss needs to talk to her about this. But you need to let him know what is going on. Not to get her into trouble per se, but to get the boss to look at organising things better and making sure that the whole team knows they have to pull together and support each other, if they are not already doing that. It shouldn't be on you to do this either
On the other hand, you've been ill, but you are struggling into work and doing more than was asked of you? This is something that needs sorting out. You are not taking care of yourself and your boss needs to be made aware and find some way of dealing with this. As another poster said, if you were in an accident or seriously ill they would have to find a way of dealing with the work load whether they wanted to or not. I don't think you should make yourself responsible for all the burdens. The co worker had a point. So do Take care of yourself.

Gazelda · 15/07/2020 21:10

I may have read this wrong, but it sounds to me as though you pointed out to her that you've been in the office while she worked at home, and given her the impression that you believe you've given more effort to the company than she has. Which is why she responded that she doesn't care about how much extra work you've contributed voluntarily.

She may feel as though she's worked effectively at home, and done her duties as required by her employer. She's pulled her weight. You seemingly don't feel she's been as diligent as she believes. So she reacted defensively.
Honestly OP, is there any way she might feel you believe you've been a better employee during lockdown?

Original poster
planetfedup · 15/07/2020 21:13

ComeBackIntoTheGardenMaud thank you so much. I just feel at the back of my mind that there is a worry that I could have handled it better. I did apologise for any misunderstanding and told her that I in no way was trying to come across in an accusing tone or be a martyr - this I was happy to apologise for. I can accept when I am in the wrong and I know there was faults on both sides - it's just the manner in which and hurtful things that are said that have upset me, especially as I am still not feeling well.

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Original poster
planetfedup · 15/07/2020 21:16

Gazelda I absolutely don't think I was a better employee. I didn't ever dispute if she was working or not - I don't know what she did at home but I had no issue with it. It was just that when I asked for a tiny bit of assistance with something that she had a strop which made me say that I had been doing work that would otherwise have been perceived as her work and didn't mind - I was just meaning could we reach a compromise and could I get a help out with something.

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Original poster
planetfedup · 15/07/2020 21:19

DuckbilledSplatterPuff thank you. I have said in he past I needed assistance but the person assisting has bad health issues and has suffered the same symptoms as me - she is working from home as she has underlying issues. She is an absolute delight and so willing but I can't add to her burden by asking her to do anything for me - she is helping other people out and is on her knees as it is.

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ComeBackIntoTheGardenMaud · 15/07/2020 21:21

It's not for me to define bullying, but surely there has to be more to it than being rude and abrasive, which is another form of unacceptable behaviour and needs its own response. What you describe doesn't seem to me to match the examples given by ACAS in their advice on workplace bullying but if you feel that it does, follow their advice.

Original poster
planetfedup · 15/07/2020 21:28

ComeBackIntoTheGardenMaud I think I can get her on less respected or put down but maybe you're right. It is probably also he way I'm feeling right now - I don't expect sympathy because I definitely will not get it. I just feel guilty about things - for instance I had a sick line for a week and three days but only take three days off and worked from my bed for a few days before going back in to work.

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heartsonacake · 15/07/2020 21:29

She wasn’t a bully and it wasn’t “bullying behaviour”. She was rude, you set her straight on that, what’s the issue now?

If you continue to have problems just tell your boss.

She’s right though—it was your choice to do all the extra work and it does appear like you’re wanting something extra for that.

slashlover · 15/07/2020 21:33

OP, I used to be like you - worked unpaid overtime, swapped shifts at short notice if someone asked, did some duties which should have been done by my manager, never took time off (one week off in 21 years and that was for surgery) all because the business needed me to and there was nobody else could do it.

When our branch closed I was still made redundant and treated no differently to the people who came in, did their job and went home.

Honestly, as much as you like your boss and want to help out, it isn't worth what you're doing to your health or your mental state. Do you think your boss is sitting on their holiday wondering if you're coping?

Original poster
planetfedup · 15/07/2020 21:33

heartsonacake I am going to leave it now, however, yes you're right it was my choice to do the extra work - she also said she was snowed under but chatted to a colleague for a good hour or more. it's just the double standards that have got to me. I am not looking for anything for the extra work - I will put in overtime now but I haven't over the lockdown because I realised money was tight but I overheard her telling someone else she had claimed over time - she does the wages!

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Original poster
planetfedup · 15/07/2020 21:36

slashlover you're right and I know I could be made redundant just like anyone else - no one is indispensible - if he had to replace me it would have to be someone who probably had the qualifications but not the experience along with a secretary to work for them which would cost a lot more.

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heartsonacake · 15/07/2020 21:38

What double standards?

KeepingPlain · 15/07/2020 21:38

Never do extra hours you aren't being paid for. It sets a standard you'll have to keep beating and if you don't, your managers end up hating you. Especially when you say you're struggling. She's already doing it.

Do the hours you are paid for and leave. If it's not all done, who cares? The managers should manage better, that's what they are paid for. If they need more staff, they should be paying for them. Not making you work extra. You're basically doing a full time job AND a part time job in one week. Why would they hire someone to help when they are getting you twice for free?

I wouldn't be doing her any more favours either. If she asks for help, say you're too busy.

slashlover · 15/07/2020 21:39

never took time off (one week off in 21 years and that was for surgery)

Should clarify that I meant sick leave, I fainted one day and finished my shift. Although I often didn't take all the holidays I was entitled to and usually did a little work during them or did a load of overtime beforehand to get myself ahead.

Original poster
planetfedup · 15/07/2020 21:40

heartsonacake the fact that she said she was up to her eyes in it and couldn't get her assistant to help with something but could find time to chat to her for over an hour!

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Original poster
planetfedup · 15/07/2020 21:42

slashlover I fainted at work before Covid kicked off (bad migraine) but the boss took me home and I took the next day off. I take my full holiday entitlement though and I will never work a weekend (not required anyway). I know everyone feels hard done by but it's a bitter pill to swallow when you've helped in the past and you as a favour and it isn't reciprocated.

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heartsonacake · 15/07/2020 21:44

@planetfedup

heartsonacake the fact that she said she was up to her eyes in it and couldn't get her assistant to help with something but could find time to chat to her for over an hour!
That’s not a double standard. A double standard is when something like a rule is applied to everyone else but not themselves.
Original poster
planetfedup · 15/07/2020 21:46

KeepingPlain I get paid time and a half for overtime and would never work without getting paid for it - I don't mind the odd hour here or there but I am certainly no being a total mug. When I complain about my work load I get a roll of the eye and told that he didn't think it was that busy or he says he is working 12 hour days himself to which I respond that he is the boss, not me.

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itswinetime · 15/07/2020 21:47

Thing is everyone is entitled to be paid for the work they are doing if the lady in payroll worked overtime then she is entitled to claim for it. It's your choice not to. You don't know her circumstances she may have really need that money. Even if didn't, she is allowed to claim for what she worked.

I still think you would be better off worried about what your colleagues are doing and more about what you are doing and if you are really happy with your choices.

maddening · 15/07/2020 21:48

I would speak to your boss and then they can take it up at the higher level

Original poster
planetfedup · 15/07/2020 21:48

heartsonacake she was moaning about being so busy but found time to chat for over an hour. I think that's a double standard. She moans a lot about how much work she has to do even though she delegates most of it and leaves early every day.

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