Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

AIBU?

Invited to a hen weekend - not to the wedding.

111 replies

Pebblexox · 15/07/2020 18:57

Hi all.
Posting on phone so sorry if format is funny.
Over the last year I reconnected with an old friend, she recently got engaged and has a wedding booked for next year. She's getting married abroad, so I assume a semi intimate so wasn't expecting an invite due to only recently becoming friends again.
I've been invited on her hen weekend which will cost me over £200 to attend, not including travel etc.
However I've been added into a group chat with all the people going on the hen and it seems I'm the only one not invited to the wedding. I had no problems with not being invited, however now they're all talking about what they'll be doing the night before the wedding I feel rather awkward and a bit meh about it, and I don't want to go and that be all they're discussing whilst I sit in the corner like a lone recluse.
Would I be being unreasonable not to attend the hen? Or am I just being silly?

OP posts:

Report

Pebblexox · 15/07/2020 19:27

@KeepingPlain thank you for giving a different side to this. It's why I've been torn and haven't given a response one way or the other yet. So it's good to hear all different sides and opinions.

OP posts:

DisobedientHamster · 15/07/2020 19:28

£200+ for a weekend away to me is a fortune. I'd do it to go away with close friends but not for some random hen do. Fuck that.

DisobedientHamster · 15/07/2020 19:29

Don't think it's silly not to go on some weekend with randoms.

TwistedOldFruit · 15/07/2020 19:33

Sod that for a game of soldiers! I completely agree, you're going to feel like a right chump when everyone else is excitedly talking about the wedding and you have to reveal that you've not even been invited!

I think the bride has been really rude actually.

KeepingPlain · 15/07/2020 19:34

@Pebblexox

If you're wanting to go, then go. I'm kind of dreading my hen do if I then can't even invite some people on it to my wedding. But because of covid there's not much I can do. Maybe she's got that issue? The venue might even have told her she can only have a set number of people and if covid buggers off, she can have more. That might be why you haven't been invited.

FizzyGreenWater · 15/07/2020 19:35

Don't pay £££ to be on the periphery. It's a crap feeling.

Nobody's fault at all, but you aren't close to this group so that's how it will be. The fact you're the only one not going will cut you off even more! Don't do it to yourself - make an excuse but say you'd love to do X instead.

Make these early days of rekindled friendship positive.

wildone84 · 15/07/2020 19:38

I think its a bit rude. I wouldn't go.

ineedaholidaynow · 15/07/2020 19:38

I assume you are saving money on not having to go abroad for the wedding.

Do you know any of the other hens apart from the bride?

Thirtyysomething · 15/07/2020 19:46

I went on a hen do where two people weren’t invited to the wedding but they had asked the bride if they could come, they all worked together.

I wouldn’t invite anyone to my hen that wasn’t attending the wedding, but if you want to go then go.

One of the two actually ended up being invited to the wedding (late) and she fell out with the other!

redcarbluecar · 15/07/2020 19:49

Depends whether you think you'd enjoy the hen and can afford it. I wouldn't bother going if either of those two things weren't the case, whether or not I was invited to the wedding.

back2good · 15/07/2020 20:07

I think it's rude.

Bride is happy for you to spend £££ on a weekend celebrating her, and presumably helping to pay for her as well.

Brides is not happy to host you at her wedding with her other friends.

fuck that

chubbyhotchoc · 15/07/2020 20:12

No. I think this is ridiculously cheeky, she's just using you to lower the overall cost of the hen and/or make herself look like she had loads of girlfriends. I thought it was cheeky enough when someone invited me and my mum to her hen but only the evening do but this takes the biscuit.

chubbyhotchoc · 15/07/2020 20:12

No. I think this is ridiculously cheeky, she's just using you to lower the overall cost of the hen and/or make herself look like she had loads of girlfriends. I thought it was cheeky enough when someone invited me and my mum to her hen but only the evening do but this takes the biscuit.

excuseforfights · 15/07/2020 20:13

I would send her a text saying 'Hi [bride], hope you're well. I'm afraid I'm going to duck out of the hen do as it's a bit awkward being the only person not attending the wedding. Totally understand number of invitees is limited so no hard feelings at all. Hope you have a fab time and I look forward to seeing pics x'

And then I would quietly ignore her forever more

yomommasmomma · 15/07/2020 20:15

It's a no from me....rude and tacky to invite you to the hen but not the wedding.

Crunchymum · 15/07/2020 20:17

When was the hen arranged?

Seems odd the wedding was only booked a few weeks ago but the hen already organised?

Pebblexox · 15/07/2020 20:17

Thank you all! Definitely reaffirmed what I was thinking and I shall be politely ducking out of this occasion!
I shall do dinner and a few drinks with her, to celebrate without the awkwardness! X

OP posts:

eatsleepread · 15/07/2020 20:18

I wouldn't go. And it's a bloody cheeky ask.

Pebblexox · 15/07/2020 20:19

@Crunchymum the hen invites went out yesterday. I'm assuming due to covid, they're just trying to get everything in place now so people have time to save up should they need to.

OP posts:

Elsiebear90 · 15/07/2020 20:21

We’re having a small wedding abroad and for this reason I probably won’t have a hen, I can’t really imagine inviting people to celebrate my wedding and not inviting them to the actual wedding, it seems very rude. It probably wasn’t done with any malice, because there are definitely people who I would invite to a wedding in the UK, but I would not invite to an intimate family wedding abroad as we’re not that close and I doubt they would come anyway (like work colleagues or friends I don’t see often). My advice is don’t go, but I wouldn’t take it personally that you weren’t invited to the wedding.

Iverunoutofnames · 15/07/2020 20:23

I’ve been to hen dos when I haven’t got to the wedding, but they’ve all been local nights out! Weekend away? Nope. Do they need numbers for the accommodation or group deal?

Pebblexox · 15/07/2020 20:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Pebblexox · 15/07/2020 20:25

@Elsiebear90 yes definitely not taking it personally. I didn't expect an invite due to us only reconnecting over the last year. I think that's why the invite to the hen has thrown me a little as I wasn't expecting one for that either.

OP posts:

AryaStarkWolf · 15/07/2020 20:28

Yeah I'd feel a bit weird about that too. I wouldn't have thought its good eticit to invite a person to the hen but not the wedding especially if you're literally the only one not going.

MintCassis · 15/07/2020 20:30

Have the others definitely been sent a wedding invite or are they just assuming they’re invited? We booked our wedding in February 2019 and still hadn’t sent the invites out when lockdown came into place this March.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.