Over the top teacher gifts

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Our small village primary PTA has been organizing for all the teachers to have a day at the local very expensive day spa, and has been piling the pressure on parents to donate to this., saying individual names will be on the gift cards. It’s a very expensive gift, and I feel poor taste when there are families who are concerned about losing their jobs. We are in a reasonably wealthy area, although not all families are in this category. AIBU to say no way? I could probably afford it but I think it’s poor taste. BTW they really haven’t gone above and beyond, not compared to other schools.

I’ve organised many teacher collections in my time - also an affluent area and teachers usually get a very nice amount of gift vouchers out of them - but never ever ever is there (a) any pressure on anyone to donate or (b) any specified amount. It is always, always offered as a voluntary/discretionary option for parents to contribute if and only if they want to.

To be honest most usually want to, as it’s easier to just donate a bit of money and let someone else sort out a gift! Inevitably some contribute more than others and some contribute nothing but all the kids names go on the card regardless.

Your situation sounds awful op. Plus a spa day is a crap gift for teachers. A teacher friend was once bought a spa day by her class and just the logistics of trying to book the day around work and childcare by the deadline date on the voucher stressed her out so much it completely negated the benefits of the spa day!

A spa day isn't a crap gift from parents at all! Many teachers would absolutely love it! And they don't have to go with other teachers - they can go with whoever! X

I’m not a teacher but would hate a spa day!!

I’d hate a spa day with colleagues!!!

This is really over the top. Why is it expected that teachers should get gifts? Carers who are paid much, much less don’t get this. Do a homemade card. No money. No vouchers. No spa day. How ridiculous.

I'd really feel uncomfortable with this, and would much prefer a card.

I'm in my mid 40s and my mum always bought teachers a little gift so it's the norm for me. Our whip around is usually £5 each and we get the teacher a voucher to a local shopping centre that can be used in dozens of shops. We tried collecting without saying an amount but parents then asked how much we wanted so it was easier having a suggested amount. About half the kids contribute, some do their own thing and some do nothing. I'd rather have a voucher to choose something myself than 14 best teacher mugs personally. I'd hate a spa day though.

Usually we chip in £5 snd get a voucher but this year is a bit different. The school have been excellent in sending out a decent amount of work, marking it, arranging zoom calls and responding to parents. Some parents clearly don't feel the need to hand out presents though because their kids haven't been in the building since march and I fully respect that. Some families have had a drop in income. My kids have been in school part time throughout lockdown (and are now full time) which has allowed me to do my job properly and for which I am very grateful. They have provided a much needed dose of normality and routine for them and so I've gone a bit above with presents this year, because I can. I made up goody bags for each year group with chocs, sweets, mini wines and proseccos, beers, gins, lots of stationary items and jars of local honey so the class teachers can grab a few bits and share out with support staff, cleaners etc.
I think this year, more than ever, it's very much an individual thing.

Whatever happened to a nice card and a box of matchmakers??! 🙄

Not sure spas are even open properly? As a teacher I’d also feel really uncomfortable with this.

I’m secondary Which seems to be very different from primary. Small tokens are lovely but never expected.

If you really want to show appreciation, a little card is more than enough. Or a little box of chocolates or biscuits.

@WoWsers16 surprised yours feel comfortable with a gift like this. Would a gift to the school be kore appropriate? I remember DS reception teacher requested books for the classes. Such a lovely thought.

So wrong for people to feel pressure to contribute. Parents contributing £5-10
could make a huge difference to a school.

We do buy gifts - normally a nice hand cream, which could be regifted, hate the thought of waste.
I’m not this year although we did send in biscuits before lockdown.

@WoWsers16 it really IS a 'crap gift' for teachers...or for ANY collective group of people (you can take out the 'teachers' part if it helps you to visualise what is happening in this situation!)

In my primary school there are 16 classes (it's a big school). We have 3 classes with job shares and 4 with male teachers. We range from our 21 year old NQT to the oldest teachers in their 60s and every decade in between. I imagine this scenario is similar across most workplaces (except the male:female ratio might be different).

Every single one of us is different! I genuinely can't imagine that our male colleagues would embrace the 'spa day' idea at all! (Open to being wrong,but our 4 would definitely not!)

Personally, as I've already said upthread, this would be hell for me...and I wouldn't go! So that's at least 5 'spa day' vouchers wasted in my workplace immediately out of the 19 staff eligible for this gift. But I won't be the only one of the other female staff who hate the idea...there will be others!

It's way too personal a gift...you have to know someone well to gauge this sort of thing!

Hence...crap gift for ANYONE that you don't know!!

It's not being ungrateful either, before you wade in on that...it's about knowing that people like the OP are under this awful pressure to spend money they can't afford, on something that ultimately is going to be wasted...because it is ill thought out and (honestly?) inappropriate.

So no, 'most' teachers (people!) would NOT enjoy this gift...stop projecting! And even the fact that 'some' might, let's say half might...it's still crap, as this is being bought for ALL the staff 🤷‍♀️

Collective class voucher from anyone who want to contribute with everyone able to sign card (I hate children being excluded, what kind of people think this is acceptable ) alongside something for the class seems more thoughtful than spa day?

I'm a teacher in secondary and I think the amount of stuff primary teachers get in my kids' school is obscene, but I do contribute to it, because if someone organises the collection and all I have to do is chuck in a tenner then that's easier than having to get a gift myself. So it's more convenient but it results in primary teachers getting £300 worth of stuff which is actually ridiculous. But I am complicit.

Well I love it - and think it's a great gift and I'm really appreciative of it! I will go with my husband and if that's what parents want to do then I'm not going to moan! I was very grateful When I received it and no I wasn't uncomfortable at all! I think it's an amazing gift that I would never get myself so what a treat! Doesn't make me a bad teacher.
Also it still isn't a crap gift - it's not for everybody and I won't be going with other staff - and even if I was that wouldn't be bad as other staff are friends.

I'm assuming @wowsers16 works in a very affluent area if she doesn't feel guilty that some parents may have felt guilted I to spending more than they can afford or feel shamed they had to decline contributing because they can't afford it. Even in posh schools there'll be some.

Totally OTT.

I must admit though I find the whole present buying for teacher business a bit odd, TBH. I don't have kids and it's been a long time since I was at school, but we never did.

I can see a home made card from the child and something bought with their pocket money (eg a bar of chocolate) would be sweet, or maybe something that could be shared in the staff room like biscuits or cake, but to pay for all the staff to go on a spa?

And I'm not knocking teachers here, but they didn't have face to face contact for a lot of this year. I appreciate they did online teaching but it's not like anyone's gone the extra mile to organise a school play or the sports day or anything.

They already get rewarded for doing their job. It's called a salary.

I get groaned at when saying this on the annual teacher’s gift thread but, as senior admin at a University and keeper of the gifts and hospitality register, I find this deeply uncomfortable. Especially hearing such amounts as a £500 M&S voucher. Our staff would never be able to accept gifts of that value (or anything near that value!). Nominal gifts only e.g a pen or a diary - at a push a bottle of wine.

I think it’s nice to recognise a good teacher’s input into your child’s life. They spend a lot of time together. I agree it doesn’t need to be over the top but I’m not against a decent gift. Obviously it’s only if it’s affordable and it should never be obligatory. I don’t know any teachers who’d expect this.

A spa day seems highly inappropriate given the current situation with COVID!

Where teachers are employed by their local authority, I’m very surprised they’re allowed to accept all these gifts without declaring them as such. I’m in a government agency, and if I’m even given a cuppa and a sandwich during a meeting or site visit, I have to fill in a form to say how much it’s worth and who gave it to me. We can’t accept hospitality worth over £10, and certainly no personal gifts at any price. It’s buying favour, or at least could be viewed that way, and doesn’t have any place in public service.

@AdoptAdaptImprove
I'm a nurse. We're allowed to accept token gifts only, which IMO is things up to the value of, say, £10. So a box of chocolates, some biscuits, flowers etc. Alcohol is a grey area, but we'd probably be OK to accept a bottle of supermarket wine.

Giving a small gift to a teacher at the end of the academic year is hardly currying favour, as they won't be teaching that child any more.

They already get rewarded for doing their job. It's called a salary.

Presumably you don’t tip waiting staff/hairdressers/beauticians/takeaway delivery drivers then? They also receive a salary for doing their job.

I appreciate they did online teaching but it's not like anyone's gone the extra mile to organise a school play or the sports day or anything.

I know of several schools in my local area that have organised a remote sports day, so I imagine there will be plenty of schools across the country that did the same.

@AdoptAdaptImprove most schools will have a policy in place as to what sort of gifts staff are allowed to accept. At my current school I’m not allowed to accept anything worth over a certain amount of money (I can’t remember what it is, I think it’s £20), but at the first school I worked at (independent school) you could accept pretty much anything! Gifts valued at over £50 had to be declared to the head though, so that they could keep an eye on it. A bottle of nice wine or a gift card at Christmas or the end of term would have been fine, a trip to the Bahamas just before the reports were written would have looked a bit suspicious

@WoWsers16 no it doesn’t make you sound a bad person, you do however sound very immature and completely oblivious to the current financial situation many are facing.

I’d not be comfortable with this either, it’s not ok to be pressuring parents to contribute to gifts.

And besides which, a spa day?
Not everyone likes those, and even if all the teachers at this school normally like spa days, it’s not exactly going to be a normal spa experience if they’re going anytime in the near future, is it?
Plus lockdown tightening up again is possible and a spa voucher won’t be any use if that happens.

We emailed the DC’s teachers vouchers this year. Rather impersonal I know, but we thought it better to avoid physical presents this year just in case the teachers get worried about contagion, and they’re vouchers that can be used for shopping online.