Over the top teacher gifts

[SausagesSausagesSausages]

Our small village primary PTA has been organizing for all the teachers to have a day at the local very expensive day spa, and has been piling the pressure on parents to donate to this., saying individual names will be on the gift cards. It’s a very expensive gift, and I feel poor taste when there are families who are concerned about losing their jobs. We are in a reasonably wealthy area, although not all families are in this category. AIBU to say no way? I could probably afford it but I think it’s poor taste. BTW they really haven’t gone above and beyond, not compared to other schools.

"I disagree actually. As a SW I wasn't allowed presents, even though we also went above and beyond. Housing worker ditto. Rehab, double, triple no.

Why are teachers routinely given expensive gifts when other caring professionals are banned from accepting them?"

Because these roles are open to bribery/corruption?

You can't really bribe a teacher to do much because theres 3rd party oversight of anything important

Our class has just done a collection. It came out at just over £500 across the two reception classes so we’ve done M&S vouchers.

Sorry meant to add that this seems more sensible than a spa - some people would hate that.

Also about half the parents contributed but the cards are from all the children.

That is excessive yes

Last year I did little bags with a nice pen, pencil, eraser and some wild flowers seeds with the phrase thanks for helping me grow.

I’m not going anything this year as both kids haven’t been in school since March

No suggested amount either, just whatever people wanted. I assume the lady running the collection knows but you couldn’t tell on the website. It was just the number of donations made and the total.

Don't engage with it op. Bottle of wine/box of Chocs and a card is more than fine for a end year present.

You'd be better off donating it to the actual school! No, I wouldn't donate to this, but then I'm not much of a follower. It's not like they're going to read through all the signed names checking who hasn't donated - just buy something small and simple OP - it's utter snobbery is this.

Jeez..Send a bloody card and some alcohol (if you’re feeling generous!)
I’m a head of dept and I’d be mortified if I received this even if I did go above and beyond for a student.

Absolute nonsense @SausagesSausagesSausages. Stand your ground!

I was asked, for my youngest DC's class, to contribute £15 to the vouchers for teacher/ TAs. I messaged the person collecting and said due to me being a single parent on low income, I simply can't afford that, and offered to contribute £5.
I do feel it's slightly obscene though how much it's gotten out of hand. I live in a well-to-do area so £15 is probably nothing to most of the parents, and teachers regularly get gift vouchers of about £100 each.

Also, link them to this thread. They need some self awareness of what they are doing.

Teachers have to declare gift lots over £20 and fill out paper work to why the expense

Some are looked into

I wouldn’t contribute

I'd be pretty embarrassed to receive this kind of gift as a teacher - I would probably accept graciously as I'm not sure what else I could do.

I had a year 10 buy me a mini can of my favourite soft drink once and I thought that was ace. Thoughtful and concise. It had a thankyou note attached to the ring pull thing.

Also for those saying about currying favour, I think that's a bit odd. If I got something like this I would scarcely notice whose names weren't on the card, and if I did I would just think that it was a bit much to expect people to contribute cash at this time anyway.

Any teacher who would like this, probably shouldn't be given it.

If you mean the gift in general I think that is a bit harsh. Teachers are allowed to like nice things. However if you mean the unpleasantness and bullying that has gone it to arranging the gift then yes, you’re right. No decent human being would want parents to make themselves short contributing towards or buying a gift (especially in the current climate) and parents shouldn’t feel under any pressure to buy a gift at all. On a practical level though I think most teachers would rather have a (jointly purchased) voucher for somewhere than 20 “Best Teacher” mugs/key rings/pens or 20 bottles of wine/boxes of chocolates. It doesn’t make any difference financially to the parents and it stops wastage and things going to landfill. Alternatively if people don’t want to buy a gift or aren’t in a financial position to buy one then a homemade letter/card/drawing is also lovely.

Oh God! What utter nonsense! I'm a teacher & I'd hate that - I'd feel really uncomfortable about it - especially in today's economic climate as people have got far more vital things to spend their money on! We genuinely don't expect anything at all but the best gifts are ALWAYS something the kids have done, even just a little note/picture - they mean FAR more than some over the top gesture that's totally down to the parents which the kids are usually completely unaware of, anyway!

@BlessYourCottonSocks

I can't personally think of anything worse than a 'Mums' Night Out' with the type of parent who joins the PTA, to be honest.

I'm pretty sure you're not missing anything.

Is that necessary?? Most 'PTA parents' are perfectly nice, don't be so judgy.

This PTA however sound awful. I would be emailing back and saying so.

We (parents, not the PTA) sometimes have class collections for teacher gifts. You don't have to contribute and amounts are entirely optional. Every child's name goes on the card whether they contribute or not.

If it's a set amount that you must contribute, I think that's quite tasteless, and I would think any teacher who knows their class would clue in that all the well off kids had their names in and none of the low income ones.

I got each teacher a card and some fudge, £4-5 spent on each. They're not my friends or family, they've done their job that they are paid for so I don't feel the need to give anything else.

The loveliest thing I've ever had (& have kept safe to this day) is a simple paper note from a lad who hated writing or expressing his feelings in any way, saying thanks for helping him get through the year & not giving up on him. Made me ugly cry!! 😍

I'm a teacher and I would hate this. Not only because it is very insensitive in the current climate, but because I can't think of anything worse than a spa day with all of my colleagues! I know we always say this, but teachers really, really don't expect presents. Cards and letters are always treasured.

How times have changed! Growing up in the Sixties, the relationship between teacher and pupil was much more formal, there wasn't a PTA at my primary school nor any expectation to present gifts to the teachers.
There was a PTA at the grammar school in the early Seventies but that was solely for fundraising, in fact it was the form teachers who gave out small gifts such as a nice pencil or a small bar of chocolate to their class at the end of the summer term. We usually asked the most artistic girl in the class to design a card and we all signed it and gave to the teacher. I remember being 15 and the form teacher brought in a crate of nectarines. I'd never tasted one before and thought it was wonderful!

No way! I'd be uncomfortable with parents buying this kind of thing.

I got my sons teacher and TAs bottle of mid priced wine each £14.50. I wouldn’t spend more than that!

I'd not be contributing. Very poor taste and tbh I'd rather not be associated with the type of parents who organise such things.

My children choose a card, write a note and gift a box of chocolates they've chosen from the supermarket.

No pressure on us or the teacher.

YANBU Who would want to go to a Covid ridden spa right now. At least get them something they can use in the next 12 months.
Seriously though, last year we were asked to pay via an online portal that showed everyone their donation.
People complained.
So this year it’s anonymous with a suggested donation of £15.
22 out of the 30 paid the £15. We all know who didn’t because they weren’t invited to sign the card.

I cant stand it when people try and tell me how spend my money and how much I should contribute
so rude