Over the top teacher gifts

[SausagesSausagesSausages]

Our small village primary PTA has been organizing for all the teachers to have a day at the local very expensive day spa, and has been piling the pressure on parents to donate to this., saying individual names will be on the gift cards. It’s a very expensive gift, and I feel poor taste when there are families who are concerned about losing their jobs. We are in a reasonably wealthy area, although not all families are in this category. AIBU to say no way? I could probably afford it but I think it’s poor taste. BTW they really haven’t gone above and beyond, not compared to other schools.

My child school put new policy this year, no monetary gifts and no vouchers.

@ MrsTerryPratchett

Why are teachers routinely given expensive gifts when other caring professionals are banned from accepting them?

I've taught for over 30 years in multiple schools. I've never, ever known teachers to be given expensive gifts. Never mind 'routinely'. I'm always taken aback by threads which mention getting teacher gifts because it's pretty rare you get anything, and it's usually a 'Best Teacher' mug or fridge magnet if you do.

We're happy with a card and a thanks.

Spas arent even open at the moment!

Teachers arent usually given gifts like this. I had a few boxes of chocolate in my time and I had a few little bits from students when I went on maternity leave - never anything totalling more than about £10 but it really is the thought that counts on these things. I know it's a clichee but I really did like cards written from the students the best and kept them all. I would prefer that to an unusable spa day voucher.

We're happy with a card and a thanks.

That's great. And like other caring professions, I think that should be the rule.

Just to clarify, it’s not a couple of pounds we are being asked for; it’s quite a lot.
And for those who say nobody’s making me and don’t be ridiculous; we are getting several messages reminding us we haven’t contributed yet, and time is running out if we want our names on the gifts. It’s definitely being noted by the PTA bods who hasn’t coughed up.

I just feel in the current climate, when some parents are facing redundancy, being repeatedly asked to fund a spa day for people who do have secure jobs to go to is not on.

As a teacher this would horrify me.

@SausagesSausagesSausages

Just to clarify, it’s not a couple of pounds we are being asked for; it’s quite a lot. And for those who say nobody’s making me and don’t be ridiculous; we are getting several messages reminding us we haven’t contributed yet, and time is running out if we want our names on the gifts. It’s definitely being noted by the PTA bods who hasn’t coughed up. I just feel in the current climate, when some parents are facing redundancy, being repeatedly asked to fund a spa day for people who do have secure jobs to go to is not on.

So tell them!

I'd feel exactly the same. Email back saying you are annoyed at being repeatedly asked for money, that you do not want your name on the gift and that actually they should be bloody ashamed of themselves asking for money when they have no idea of what individual families are facing at this time.

I would.

I'd hate to be given a spa day. Horrible places.

Just tell them you’re not contributing and it’s wrong to put pressure on people.

I just don’t get it. My best friend has just been and spend 50+ on bouquets of flowers, cards and boxes of chocolates for her kids teachers.

They’re getting paid to do their job. A job they chose!

I would think that many teachers don't necessarily get together / socialize outside the school , so the idea of having to see them in a swimming costume or trunks or whatever or those scratchy white robes they give you ( which are either too small or too big) would not be everyone's idea of a ' great day out' ! Plus it would also mean travel to get there as well and having to arrange a. ' day we all make , when they can open and actually do any of the treatments as part of the package' could be a long wait.
It could be more embarrassing and a hassle more than anything else , for some anyway!

Do you know what, I think I will email them. That’s me off the mums night out invites for the foreseeable future 😀

I can't personally think of anything worse than a 'Mums' Night Out' with the type of parent who joins the PTA, to be honest.

I'm pretty sure you're not missing anything.

I gave a voucher. I hope they aren’t offended! If it’s a bribe, it’s a very cheap one I don’t expect anything in return, it’s a thank you not a threat! When I was teaching I would have liked something like that as often got 20 boxes of chocolates. But I didn’t co-ordinate a group/class gift (although other people asked me to) because it’s a hassle and also I felt uncomfortable saying how much was reasonable. What was reasonable to me might be too little or too much for someone else!

I also agree that pressure to contribute to this present is awful.
There was a fund raiser on tv for the NHS at the start of lockdown with the 'red nose ' celebs and Peter Kay did a small bit and he said ' give what you can but don't worry if you can't , I know times are tough just now' , which I thought was lovely as he was acknowledging that lockdown and the virus has brought so much financial hardship to people , as well as everything else it's brought.
The op's PTA obviously don't care about any of that!

I just feel in the current climate, when some parents are facing redundancy, being repeatedly asked to fund a spa day for people who do have secure jobs to go to is not on

Say that then! If people want to go OTT that’s fine but they shouldn’t be pressuring people into paying.

I'm a teacher and I'd be so very embarrassed at receiving this! Not to mention the fact that it would be my idea of hell on Earth, visiting a Spa 😱

I'd be tempted to point out to whoever is organising this, that a) teachers never expect gifts and b) this is a particularly personal one and perhaps inappropriate.

My favourite gifts ever have been a handmade friendship bracelet in my two favourite colours (the child knew this) that she'd made at our after school club (it was all knotty where she had got in a pickle with the plaiting but I loved it 💓) and a hand drawn picture of my dog, who had recently died. Didn't look like my dog as the children hadn't seen her, but they knew she was 'very big and fluffy' and her colour. There was such thought gone into those two gifts.

Teachers don't do the job to receive gifts, but these little personal gestures from the children always break their hearts 💕

I'm a teacher. The most I've ever been given has been a box of chocolates or a bottle of wine. Both have been greatly appreciated, but the ones that have stuck in my memory if not in my house were the ones made by the kids. The pencil case made in textiles lessons in a particular fabric because they knew I like dragons, or the cake made at home. The wall art the front of my classroom is covered with cards I've received from year11s in the past, just a short message of thanks, that's what I love, and if they can make me laugh as part of that message then all the better!

Dd likes to give presents to her teachers each year for summer and Christmas. And to be honest, it is quite nice to get a little token for someone who is such a big part of her life for a whole year. Each adult in her classroom gets a little something, usually a chocolate orange, because dd has decided that chocolate oranges are perfect teacher presents 🤷.

I wouldn't be guilted into paying in for a big present that you don't know for certain that the teacher would like. Something small, as a token, is great. An email telling the head how much your DC has enjoyed the year and how thrilled you are with their progress is much better (ime, although I've only been mentioned personally in a message to the head a couple of times, it's made my year when it's happened!). Small and personal is perfect.

Spa day is a terrible idea for a teacher gift.

I would take a perverse delight in completely ignoring the messages.

Also a teacher and there is no way I would want to go to a spa and get semi naked in front of my colleagues.

individual names will be on the gift cards
That's what would piss me off the most.

I'd send a polite email saying please can you stop sending follow-ups; those who've been able/willing to contribute will have done so by now and it's rather indiscreet naming names on the gift card.

I think clubbing together is nice. My kids are still primary. We give vouchers as the class gift to a store. I think that is better than a spa day. It’s usually around £10 per child including gifts to the TA.

However one teacher for one of my children has been truly phenomenal in lockdown - beyond any teacher they’ve ever had. A collective swell in the parents in the class body delivered a substantial amount in vouchers both through the collected class gift to an agreed store, and then individuals gave whatever amount they wanted - towards something the teacher really wanted, but couldn’t afford. I think about three quarters was raised but I don’t know, as the top-up amounts were all personal. I think that’s lovely. And no, that teacher won’t teach my kid again! No ulterior motive!

I agree it's way ott. Also, going by many mn threads I've come across, loads of people abhor the idea of spa days so some of the teachers will not even want their extravagant gift.

No way, my closest friend is a teacher and would absolutely hate a spa day and would feel self conscious about accepting or declining. Rubbish idea.

We had to institute policies on this at our school (I’m a governor), as it’s a private school in a wealthy country. Coupled with some differences in achievement, we had one teacher asked what their car financing looked like a few weeks before grades were due to be submitted on internally moderated exams. You are absolutely not unreasonable... who wants to go to a spa during a pandemic??