Re telling him about suspected pregnancy

[Glakspol]

DP (40) and I (31) have been together for a relatively short period of time (6 months) however over the strictest part of the lockdown period I lived with him and due to the change in routine and all of the hectic goings on, I forgot to take a couple of my contraceptive pills here and there. I should point out that I feel absolutely mortified about this and I’m completely aware that it’s highly irresponsible. AF was due yesterday and I’m usually like clockwork but no sign. I’ve also noticed a couple of other strange symptoms which could indicate early pregnancy however I’m conscious that I could be overly paranoid.

DP and I have discussed children and both of us would like to have them at some point in the future. Neither of us have any DC from previous relationships but DP is particularly keen to settle down and have children in the near future due to his age. Whilst we are both financially in good positions and are home owners, we don’t live together currently and I’m conscious we are in the very very early stages of our relationship. Due to this, I’d be inclined to terminate the pregnancy if the test were to be positive.

Having never been through this before I’d really like DP’s support with all of this (including the test), but don’t know how I should approach things or whether it’d be wrong of me to get him involved and cause unnecessary upset or worry when my mind is pretty much made up i.e. do I tell him I believe I could be pregnant and let him know I’ll be taking a test? Do I take a test without telling him and then discuss the result or, do I simply save his feelings and not tell him at all and go ahead with the termination?

Any advice would be appreciated

Possibly unpopular view but I wouldn’t tell him if you are sure you’d want to terminate.

I’d take test then discuss.

@Fournaans I’m well aware of that and have acknowledged it in my post. Unfortunately there’s nothing I can do to change my actions now.

I would say nothing and do nothing til about Friday , if no period by Friday then tell him you need to do a test.

Well I would take the test myself without telling him, and as bluesapphirestars sayd, I probably wouldn't tell him if I was sure I wanted a termination.

Said

Just do the test! You could be getting way too far ahead of yourself. I don't really see why you need to make such a kerfuffle over the actual peeing on the stick part. Do it and see where you go from there.

Do the test, then tell him if its positive. There's no need to tell him if it's not, there really isn't any way he can help you pee on a stick.

I'd do the test first. Otherwise you might be panicking him or making him wildly excited for nothing.

Do the test!

No point overthinking it until you know either way, go get a test ASAP.

Do the test and worry about what’s next once you know one way or another.

Do a test on your own and see how you feel. No need to get his hopes up until you’re sure what you want to do.

I agree with everyone else, I’d take the test and then if it’s positive and you think you’re going to terminate, don’t tell him. It will just cause him heartache, and he can’t do anything about it if you’re sure that’s what you want.

If you take the test and then you’re uncertain, you can take another one with him if you want to - but at least you’ll know what’s going on then.

It’s a really new relationship through some really trying times, and I don’t think I’d be comfortable relying on him to support you to do something that is the opposite of what you want at this stage, even though I’d hope he would.

Go get a test first.

As for actually telling him if the outcome is positive - that’s up to you.

For a short term relationship I’d be inclined not, but if I was planning on having children with the man later...I don’t know if that’s a secret I could keep for the rest of my life to be honest?

It’s a big secret to build a relationship on.

Do the test first. It's a non-issue if you aren't pregnant. If you are, then I would tell him even if you are adamant that you want a termination. If he's the one, he'll support you whatever you decide.

Meant to add, no point in waiting if your period is already overdue - get a test as soon as you can for your own sanity, otherwise you'll just freak yourself out wondering.

Would having a termination decrease chances of a successful pregnancy in the future is an important question.

If you want children and probably with him I would be inclined to go ahead your fertility will be decreasing now

You can test now. They’re generally positive a few days before a missed period these days.

My DC were very much planned but I always took test myself without telling DH until I had done it. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that and I think for you there’s no reason to tell him you suspect something when knowing one way or the other is very easy to do.

I wouldn't say anything and test alone and see how you feel if the result is positive.

If you're sure you wish to terminate it seems quite cruel to involve him in finding out you're pregnant especially as you know he wants a family.

I would not say anything at all until I had taken a test.

Also, I wouldn’t personally keep a termination to myself with a DP I felt there might be a future with. With a non serious relationship then fine but if you are really thinking of a long future and children with this man I think you need to be in everything together.

Imagine you've been with dp for 1 year would and you fell pregnant would you keep it? Is there a definite time you need to be with the person before considering having a child.. I worked with a man who has been with his dp 2 months and she fell pregnant and he said he hasn't even thought about kids until that point.. Still together with 2 DCs 20 years later

I would take the test. If you decide you want a termination then I’d have it and break up with him. If you think you want to keep it, then you tell him. But don’t tell him you’re taking a bloody test, that’s just ridiculous!