To ask people to show a little more understanding to those not wearing masks

[Fuckinellitsme]

Apologies for another mask thread.

First of all, I'm not an 'anti masker', I absolutely see the need and the importance of wearing them. I'm unable to wear one myself - I have trigeminal neuralgia and when I've tried to wear one, the resulting attack has left me bedbound for days. I want to wear one, but I can't. I also have rheumatoid arthritis so I'm incredibly grateful to all the people who do wear masks, therefore protecting others and especially those in higher risk groups (though not vulnerable enough to be shielding) like me.

However. I've seen some truly awful comments on here in the last few days directed at those who don't wear masks. We should be treated like lepers if we enter a shop without one, for example, or should be banned from them outright. And we ought to stay at home if we are exempt, not use public transport or go shopping or go to work. We have 'made up' health issues and disabilities and are 'woe is me' 'snowflakes'. I've also encountered bus passengers passing comment and tutting about my lack of mask.

Those of us who can't wear a mask (and are acting within the law/guidelines, being exempt) still need to go about our business. It would be lovely if we could do so without fear of comment or judgement. I understand that there will be those who don't wear a mask because they just don't want to - however, please, if you see someone without a mask (particularly if they're wearing a sunflower/exempt lanyard) try to be understanding and give them the benefit of the doubt.

The nastiness and ableist comments on here (and elsewhere) in the past few days have been genuinely upsetting for those of us unable to wear masks. Please don't assume we're all stupid/selfish/conspiracy theorists/don't care about your health, or that it's a choice. For many, choice doesn't come into it.

A bit of empathy goes a long way, especially in these weird times.

[PablosHoney]

To be fair it didn’t read like that @SqidgeBum

[Fuckinellitsme]

@PablosHoney

I’m going to wear a mask because I can but will not be bothered about what anyone else does or need to see proof they are exempt, like a non twat.

Not sure why others can't do this. Eminently sensible. And thank you for wearing a mask!

[KarenMcKaren]

trigeminal neuralgia is pretty grim and I totally get why you wouldn't be able to wear a mask. Clearly many people don't truly understand the condition. You are exempt from wearing a mask. Get some ID to show you are exempt and ignore the ableist fuckwits who think they know better about your medical condition than they do. You don't have to stay in. You follow the law, not the baying mob.

[PablosHoney]

@Fuckinellitsme No worries, I hope you get some respite from that vicious condition.

[CentrifugalBumblePuppy]

I have trigeminal neuralgia (bilaterally) and have complete sympathy with your situation. Everyone with TM is different; I have been using masks for years to help stop attacks if it's cold outside, the re circulation of warm huff helps me.

If you can wear a mask, then do. If you can't, then don't. If those that can do wear one, I see it as a positive step towards reducing viral spread in the community ( together with hand washing, distancing etc).

If we talk about freedoms, there is no better freedom than life. If I'm asymptomatic & wear a mask & it reduces my viral load spreading out, infecting someone else & ultimately ending their life, then great.

We do need some form of card people with valid issues or illnesses carry (but something suitably generic) that can be flashed that says, "I can't wear a mask." to stop the holier than thou brigade that will shout & rant if you're not wearing them (or bullies as I like to call them).

And we definitely need Government clarification after Hancock's "recommendation not mandatory" guff he came out with last night. Personally, with exemptions, being mandatory is my favourite option, as we've seen with the Bournemouth/street parties, give an inch & people take a mile.

Yes, it's uncomfortable, a pain in the backside if you wear glasses (as I do) and will play havoc with using CCTV as facial identification'll go out of the window, but we're living during an unprecedented event.

And as I'd personally like to continue living during this unprecedented event with my shielded family & friends alive too, I'd hope people wear masks if they can.

(Added benefits of mask wearing - I've saved a fortune in lippy so far. Covering half my face makes my eyes look amazing. Bit of mascara & eyeliner & boom, face done. And I'm also waiting for fabric to arrive so I can make some custom washable masks to help save the planet a tiny bit. But then I'm a rock chick hippy who donates blood, volunteers, fosters & generally give my last fiver to a friend in need so really don't understand why helping people other than yourself is such a big struggle for those of us that can).

[Fuckinellitsme]

@SqidgeBum I'm genuinely sorry if I misinterpreted you

I'm not really angry. I just want people to show some understanding of those who can't wear masks, and for them not to assume that those who don't are just selfish idiots.

[BrightYellowDaffodil]

No you don't

Well actually I do. Or did. You seem determined to be argumentative and obnoxious. I feel sorry for your employer who is going to have to deal with your demands.

[SqidgeBum]

@PablosHoney because in every other exemption in life you have to prove it. Literally everything. Benefits, bus pass, access arrangements in work or school, sick leave, even opening a bank account. You need proof of everything for someone to make an allowance for you. That's life unfortunately. Not everyone is going to just take your word for it, especially when there are so many entitled people out there who will exploit a system for their own good, putting a bad name on those who actually need those exemptions.

[Fuckinellitsme]

the ops right to have an adjustment made for her condition over rides my rights to have adjustments made for my condition

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras I'm not asking for adjustments to be made for me. I'm asking that people don't assume that someone not wearing a mask is a selfish idiot, and accept that some people have conditions which mean they cannot.

[Sirzy]

The problem comes when people start using “medical conditions” to justify not wearing a mask. I saw someone posting in fb group that they didn’t want to wear a mask so are going to get a rainbow lanyard and pretend to have a hidden disability

People like that are going to make it harder for those people like the OP who genuinely can’t wear a mask. My Ds has a host of respiratory conditions which means no matter how hard we try he can’t wear a mask . He won’t be. He also has autism and hates seeing other people wearing masks but I am working with him to understand that one at the moment is tough and even I will be wearing one when out.

[SockYarn]

But you only have to PROVE IT to people in authority. Not a randomer who takes it on themselves to bark at you to wear a fucking mask.

[EmbarrassingAdmissions]

@contrmary

Could you try one of these things? It is a plastic tube that rests on the shoulders and covers the head whilst not coming into physical contact with it. It might help some people who can't wear masks or visors.

At £95 ex VAT, I'm a little taken aback by the company's claims that they've had unprecedented demand.

Unfortunately due to unprecedented demand we are no longer taking any orders for this product. We hope that in six weeks' time we will be in a position to offer these again.

www.plastock.co.uk/catalog/product/view/_ignore_category/1/id/28454/s/360-persona-screen-acrylic-tube-screen/

I can't even see how they'd stay in place, particularly if you're wearing a rucksack. And how you'd store them when not in use - and protect their edges when you take them on and off (acrylic is a mess to clean without scratching). I obviously lack the necessary personal screening skills but will be deeply interested if I see anyone wear them.

[YonBonnieBanks]

As a disabled person, I am getting told to wear a badge or present an exemption letter, but asking a disabled person to prove a disability is illegal.

Doctors are refusing to issue exemption letters because they know doing so is illegal.

So shops asking for one are breaking the law. Refusing entry without one is breaking the law.

Ignorance about hidden disabilities on these threads is unbelievable. Some disabled people work yet we are being told to just stay at home?

Face visors are not allowed in shops either.

[chocolatesweets]

@mencken

no greater whingers about 'dictatorship' and 'control' than from those who live in a functioning democracy. If you say 'muzzle' you might as well have 'complete dick' tattoed across your forehead.

for those not able to wear a mask and therefore unable to access shops; the local support groups are still functioning. I'm part of one. If I were asked to do errands for someone who could not wear a mask (as opposed to a sillybitch who thinks it is all a conspiracy) then I would be happy to do so. Because I can and do wear a mask and so will be safer in shops, and will also keep everyone else safer.

Maybe this is the thing. Maybe it is fast becoming something that is not a functioning democracy.

If you have cancer does that make you inconsiderate of other people? People do the best they can with what they can. I will wear a mask, I don't have a problem with it and I don't see it as political but I do have a problem with people telling everyone else to wear one. If you have a mask, you're protected. You can't go around telling other people how to live. That is true selfishness.

We can't ban nuts all together just because someone has an allergy to them. You have to avoid if you have a problem with it. You are the vulnerable one.

[PablosHoney]

@SqidgeBum What do you suggest then it terms of ‘proving it’? A medical note to produce to the shop owner isn’t going to stop fuckwits having a go or judging without reason, this whole situation has really brought out the worst in some people, armchair experts and enforcers.

[blurpityblurp]

You told me to consult with a solicitor regarding benefits.

No, I told you to consult a solicitor OR investigate benefits, since you were complaining about being forced to work unsafely. And I was extremely sympathetic to you in my first post and you threw it back in my face.


If I need to go on public transport, which I do need to do to get to hospital appointments, my employer won't be of any help. Maybe you have suggestions for that too?

I've literally made three separate posts detailing the steps vulnerable people can take to reduce risk to themselves while on public transport. You immediately resorted to whataboutism by changing the subject away from public transport to your own workplace and how your cruel bosses refuse to let you protect yourself. People tried to help you by making suggestions for ways to protect yourself at work, and you do yet another 180 and bring it back to public transport!


If you take public transport, then it's your responsibility to take whatever steps possible to protect yourself.

If you're a work, then it's your boss's responsibility to protect you, and if they refuse, you need to explore your options like benefits, alternate employment, or legal action. (No doubt you'll come back with a list of reasons why you can't possibly do any of those things.)


I was referring to a different garden thread, actually.

[StealthPolarBear]

Does this condition also mean you can't sneeze or cough into a tissue? Potentially could be very dangerous

[Hearhoovesthinkzebras]

@BrightYellowDaffodil

No you don't

Well actually I do. Or did. You seem determined to be argumentative and obnoxious. I feel sorry for your employer who is going to have to deal with your demands.

I'm not argumentative. I'm totally and utterly broken at the extent to which my life has disappeared over these past four months and how it continues to be non existent. As of August it will consist of going to work (and being put at risk) and coming home again. Nothing else will be safe enough for me to for God knows how long.

I have nerve damage and pain from an a medical treatment that went wrong. A procedure that was meant to treat the inflammatory arthritis pain caused by the auto immune disease that is causing me to shield. I have a spinal cord stimulator implanted to help mask the pain but I also had weekly physio and gym sessions to help me control the pain. Both of these coping mechanisms are now unavailable to me because they aren't Covid secure. So, I am now excluded from many things because of my disability. So, if you can't understand how living like this affects people then you aren't sympathetic.

[HopeMumsnet]

Hi everyone,
We have had to make several deletions on this thread because of disablism. We'd like to suggest that you read the OP with care before responding, not least because her request for 'a little more understanding' is something that at MNHQ we can really get behind...

[Fuckinellitsme]

'Proving it' to a person in authority, a bus driver, the police etc is one thing. Having to fend off comments from strangers on buses or shops is quite another.

[Fuckinellitsme]

@HopeMumsnet thank you

[notreallybotheredaboutausernam]

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras

Only, from what you are saying, you are telling me to take all of the restrictions to accommodate you.

Like the entire population has done for the past 4 months to protect the vulnerable, the people, like you, who are shielding? You're just being vicious now. OP has a reason she can't wear a mask. She's hardly likely to bring on the apocalypse by being on the same bus as someone shielding.

[SockYarn]

Face visors are not allowed in shops either.

I'd dispute that, @YonBonnieBanks, The Scottish government guidance says "You may also use, if you prefer, a face visor but it must cover your nose and mouth completely." And the English laws about public transport defines a face covering as "face covering means a covering of any type which covers a person’s nose and mouth;"

Of course individual shops might have their own rules. But visors are very much an option for people who don't want to wear masks, or can't for whatever reason.

[Hearhoovesthinkzebras]

So shops asking for one are breaking the law. Refusing entry without one is breaking the law.

Ignorance about hidden disabilities on these threads is unbelievable. Some disabled people work yet we are being told to just stay at home?

So I have hidden disabilities. I am currently shielding. I also work in a shop. So, if my employer can't refuse entry to customers who refuse to wear masks that is going to make it too dangerous for me to work. I'll therefore have to stay at home due to my disability. Is that ok then?

[Sirzy]

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras

So shops asking for one are breaking the law. Refusing entry without one is breaking the law.

Ignorance about hidden disabilities on these threads is unbelievable. Some disabled people work yet we are being told to just stay at home?

So I have hidden disabilities. I am currently shielding. I also work in a shop. So, if my employer can't refuse entry to customers who refuse to wear masks that is going to make it too dangerous for me to work. I'll therefore have to stay at home due to my disability. Is that ok then?

Your employer needs to put steps into place to ensure you are kept safe. Whether that is changing role to one with less customer contact or supporting you to have longer off work.

What your employer can’t do is discriminate against those who have very valid reasons why they are unable to wear a mask.