To ask people to show a little more understanding to those not wearing masks

[Fuckinellitsme]

Apologies for another mask thread.

First of all, I'm not an 'anti masker', I absolutely see the need and the importance of wearing them. I'm unable to wear one myself - I have trigeminal neuralgia and when I've tried to wear one, the resulting attack has left me bedbound for days. I want to wear one, but I can't. I also have rheumatoid arthritis so I'm incredibly grateful to all the people who do wear masks, therefore protecting others and especially those in higher risk groups (though not vulnerable enough to be shielding) like me.

However. I've seen some truly awful comments on here in the last few days directed at those who don't wear masks. We should be treated like lepers if we enter a shop without one, for example, or should be banned from them outright. And we ought to stay at home if we are exempt, not use public transport or go shopping or go to work. We have 'made up' health issues and disabilities and are 'woe is me' 'snowflakes'. I've also encountered bus passengers passing comment and tutting about my lack of mask.

Those of us who can't wear a mask (and are acting within the law/guidelines, being exempt) still need to go about our business. It would be lovely if we could do so without fear of comment or judgement. I understand that there will be those who don't wear a mask because they just don't want to - however, please, if you see someone without a mask (particularly if they're wearing a sunflower/exempt lanyard) try to be understanding and give them the benefit of the doubt.

The nastiness and ableist comments on here (and elsewhere) in the past few days have been genuinely upsetting for those of us unable to wear masks. Please don't assume we're all stupid/selfish/conspiracy theorists/don't care about your health, or that it's a choice. For many, choice doesn't come into it.

A bit of empathy goes a long way, especially in these weird times.

[SockYarn]

[quote Fuckinellitsme]@Hearhoovesthinkzebras no, I'm saying we should all take precautions to accommodate each other, to the best of our abilities.[/quote]
Exactly. Do as much as you can. If you can wear a mask, great. If you can't, that's fine too as long as you're doing the social distancing, washing your hands stuff.

And the judgey fuckers who are screeching about wearing masks should keep their nosey beaks out of everyone else's business.

As my teen would say - you do you. You can't control what other people do.

[zigaziga]

I don’t see this.

Where I am masking wearing is still very much the minority. No one would look at you twice for not wearing one. I only bought one myself the other week and am getting used to it.

I know it’s going to be law but it’s law on public transport and the few times I’ve been on public transport recently there have always been people without them, maybe 20%. No one had said or looked twice at those people.

[blurpityblurp]

Whichoneofyoudidthat I am Asian, actually. The culture norms in many countries in SE Asia is totally different from the UK. For example Japanese culture hugely emphasises being respectful to others, there are huge taboos around things like yawning, eating on the street, etc. People cover their mouths when speaking on a mobile phone. It’s just a completely different culture to Europe.

China is an oppressive regime. Even so, they only started debating making mask-wearing a legal requirement a few months ago, and HK (where I briefly lived) ran into trouble because they actually passed a law last year making non-medical masks illegal as a way to oppress protest.

Some of those countries have a pretty terrible record of disability right, and you don’t see many disabled people because they are more restricted than in the UK. So you can’t compare oranges and apples. But even those countries with mask laws have exemptions for those who medically can’t wear masks.

[Meredithgrey1]

Millions of us stayed in for months - shielded. We did t for our own sakes and for the NHS.

Now we are "allowed" out of our homes again we expect others to show the same consideration as we did. If you genuinely can't wear a mask then do what we did. Stay inside for the safety of others.

I genuinely cannot imagine how awful that must have been. But all under 11s are exempt, ok some might wear them but small children probably won't - should they all stay inside while mask wearing is mandatory? What about children who need public transport to get to school?

[Lweji]

@countrygirl99

Lweji have you seriously not seen all the posts that say "stay at home then*. Really? Or are you just ignoring them because they don't fit your agenda?

That's practical advice, even if not the best advice, rather than calling the OP selfish or anything insulting.

As I've posted earlier, it's a difficult situation to manage.
I won't be telling my immunosuppressed friend to just get on with his life.
I'm trying to protect my 80 year old mother from as much risk as possible.
For people who cannot wear masks, it will be difficult to lead the same life as those who can. Adjustments should be made.

[Hearhoovesthinkzebras]

[quote Fuckinellitsme]@Hearhoovesthinkzebras no, I'm saying we should all take precautions to accommodate each other, to the best of our abilities.[/quote]
Ok. So what will you be doing to protect people like me and the others on this thread who are currently shielding?

[Meredithgrey1]

@Meredithgrey1

Millions of us stayed in for months - shielded. We did t for our own sakes and for the NHS.

Now we are "allowed" out of our homes again we expect others to show the same consideration as we did. If you genuinely can't wear a mask then do what we did. Stay inside for the safety of others.

I genuinely cannot imagine how awful that must have been. But all under 11s are exempt, ok some might wear them but small children probably won't - should they all stay inside while mask wearing is mandatory? What about children who need public transport to get to school?

I'm not suggesting there's an easy solution by the way, but saying that everyone not in a mask should stay home until mask wearing is no longer mandatory (could be months) isn't a feasible solution, especially while all primary school aged children and younger are legally exempt

[EmpressSuiko]

I do feel the government should encourage doctors to give people a certificate or a lanyard with a medical card so those will medical conditions can feel more confident or safe from judgment of others.
Not everyone can wear a mask but if everyone who is able to does it still offers protection to the majority of the population and will help protect those who can’t wear them.

[Fuckinellitsme]

Thank you to all of you on this thread who are being supportive of those genuinely exempt

To those suggesting that the exempt should simply stay at home, as those shielding have done - we will potentially have to stay in for years. That means giving up work and any kind of life, indefinitely. Many of us don't have any outside space. Many of us need to attend hospital appointments. We need to have people in our homes such as gas safety/repairs engineers. We need to go to the dentist or buy essentials we cannot get online. For a few months, this might be tolerable. But for years?

I will gladly stay 2, even 3 metres away from you. I will sanitise my hands every five minutes. I will not cough or sneeze near you or get on a bus where there is no space for me to sit far away from you. I will go to shops at quiet times and turn around and come home if they are busy. I won't go to town or to cafes and bars and cinemas and museums. But I cannot stay in for years, it's simply not feasible.

[ChardonnaysPetDragon]

I have zero understanding for the twat who came in the train carriage while wearing a mask and then proceeded to take or off for a long phone call, involving a lot of shouting.

[Hearhoovesthinkzebras]

@Fuckinellitsme

Thank you to all of you on this thread who are being supportive of those genuinely exempt

To those suggesting that the exempt should simply stay at home, as those shielding have done - we will potentially have to stay in for years. That means giving up work and any kind of life, indefinitely. Many of us don't have any outside space. Many of us need to attend hospital appointments. We need to have people in our homes such as gas safety/repairs engineers. We need to go to the dentist or buy essentials we cannot get online. For a few months, this might be tolerable. But for years?

I will gladly stay 2, even 3 metres away from you. I will sanitise my hands every five minutes. I will not cough or sneeze near you or get on a bus where there is no space for me to sit far away from you. I will go to shops at quiet times and turn around and come home if they are busy. I won't go to town or to cafes and bars and cinemas and museums. But I cannot stay in for years, it's simply not feasible.

But that's exactly what people are expecting those of us who are shielding to do. A poster has even said that to me on here - get a solicitor and claim benefits rather than go to work so that I can stay inside. Four months we've had to stay inside in order to preserve the NHS resources. Now we are having shielding unpaused (who knows for how long) but still need to severely restrict what we do because others can't or won't wear masks.

[ravenmum]

But I am also going g to have to do virtually all of the shopping because DH relies on lip reading
Out of interest, and possibly a lack of imagination on my part, which part of the shopping do you need lipreading for? I can only think of if someone told you how much it had come to, and it says that on the till.
Here in Germany, they've also arranged it - for this reason - so that people at a supermarket till don't have to wear a mask as long as they are behind a sturdy protective barrier. Other places where staff need to communicate effectively have them wear a clear visor. It took a week here before places sorted it out properly, but we had zero notice (Friday to Monday). With such long notice, and hopefully learning from other European countries' experience over the past few months of mask wearing, with any luck the UK might even manage to organise things sensibly in a shorter time frame.

[blurpityblurp]

Hang on, so the op is fine to ask everyone else to be understanding and accommodating to her illness but in my case tough luck, go on benefits and don't expect anyone to accommodate you?

Oh stop twisting everything and playing the victim. The OP isn’t asking anyone to “accommodate” her. Asking not to be hassled for having a medical condition isn’t an accommodation.

For the past five months you’ve done nothing but scream at everyone and make everything about yourself. How many threads have been derailed by you yelling that no one else should be going out or enjoying themselves just because you can’t? People were very sympathetic to you to begin with, and you’ve repeatedly thrown all that back in our faces.

You’ve portrayed yourself as being practically on your death bed and so vulnerable you can’t even sit in your own garden. So yes it’s a bit that you’re suddenly lobbying for your right to work a dangerous and physically challenging job. Me saying it’s a shame that you’re being forced to go back to work in an environment you feel unsafe in IS a sympathetic statement, which you’re throwing back in my face.

Genuinely, what do you actually want? You don’t want to be allowed to stay home. You don’t want to have to go back to work. You don’t seem to want anything except for everyone else to be miserable.

[SockYarn]

You don’t seem to want anything except for everyone else to be miserable.

Nail on head.

[Fuckinellitsme]

@Wishforsnow I'm so glad your mother is pain-free, that sounds like absolute heaven! I was only diagnosed about two years ago and am on Tegretol which helps a little. Surgery has been mentioned but I've been told it's something to consider more seriously further down the road. Tbh I can't wait, five years without pain sounds wonderful.

[SweetPetrichor]

Medical exemption should require a certificate of proof - because there are people, like yourself, who have a valid reason not to wear one. But for every valid reason, there's a chancer.

[Zilla1]

Dear OP, you have my sympathy. Trigemminal neuralgia is amongst the worst pain I've seen. Pain is subjective but I've seen various patients with some presentations of that say, amongst other things, their natural births gone wrong, spinal injury, acute pancreatitis and gallstones and acute renal colic all paled against it. Please ignore the PPs who don't understand and said you should just lump it and wear a mask.

There is talk of some way of signalling a medical exemption, much like young children won't need to wear masks in England. If someone then chooses to make an unkind comment, it will be their ways of everyone confirming their stupidity, much like some of the PPs with their earlier posts.

[Hearhoovesthinkzebras]

@blurpityblurp

Hang on, so the op is fine to ask everyone else to be understanding and accommodating to her illness but in my case tough luck, go on benefits and don't expect anyone to accommodate you?

Oh stop twisting everything and playing the victim. The OP isn’t asking anyone to “accommodate” her. Asking not to be hassled for having a medical condition isn’t an accommodation.

For the past five months you’ve done nothing but scream at everyone and make everything about yourself. How many threads have been derailed by you yelling that no one else should be going out or enjoying themselves just because you can’t? People were very sympathetic to you to begin with, and you’ve repeatedly thrown all that back in our faces.

You’ve portrayed yourself as being practically on your death bed and so vulnerable you can’t even sit in your own garden. So yes it’s a bit that you’re suddenly lobbying for your right to work a dangerous and physically challenging job. Me saying it’s a shame that you’re being forced to go back to work in an environment you feel unsafe in IS a sympathetic statement, which you’re throwing back in my face.

Genuinely, what do you actually want? You don’t want to be allowed to stay home. You don’t want to have to go back to work. You don’t seem to want anything except for everyone else to be miserable.

I don't need to twist anything you are proving my point admirably.

I am not on my death bed. That's the point. I have a condition that makes me extremely clinically vulnerable. Why does that mean I'm on my death bed? Exactly as other posters on here have said - you don't understand who has been shielded.

Do tell me what benefits are available to those who don't want to work because they feel vulnerable at work? My not wanting to go to work won't enable me to claim benefits so you throwing that out there as an example of your concern is frankly meaningless.

Explain to me why I shouldn't show precisely as much understanding to the op as you are showing towards me?

[BlingLoving]

I haven't read the whole thread but the problem with this is that I don't believe the 60% of people who were not wearing masks yesterday were all not doing so because they have hidden disabilities. I can feel sympathy for you personally, but nonetheless, you are in the minority. Feel free to get yourself a sticker or badge to say why you're except and wear it prominently, but in the meantime I am going to continue to assume that the vast bulk of non wearers are doing so by choice.

[incidentally, I have not been bothered by masks and only recently started wearing one when I saw the overall trend was clearly that people think they're better. Doesn't mean I am going to assume that only people with disabilities are now the ones not wearing them]

[SockYarn]

@SweetPetrichor

Medical exemption should require a certificate of proof - because there are people, like yourself, who have a valid reason not to wear one. But for every valid reason, there's a chancer.

But, @SweetPetrichor, a member of the general public should not feel they have the right to demand "proof". Why should OP feel she has to disclose her medical history to a randomer in the soup aisle at Tesco? It's none of their business!

Being approached by the police is one matter. General randomers have no right to police mask-wearing, even though many seem to think they do.

[SockYarn]

I don't believe the 60% of people who were not wearing masks yesterday

Mask wearing is not compulsory in England yet. They may just not want to. And that's fine.

[MarieIVanArkleStinks]

Thanks for posting OP and I'm sorry you are doing battle with this horrendous condition. It's clear from this thread exactly which side most of the hysteria's emanating from. And it's not yours.

I'll wear a mask when the law makes it mandatory to do so - in places and situations where it's legally required. The guidelines don't require them to be worn outside (and evidence suggests the risk of transmission from passing someone in the open air is vanishingly small) so I won't be wearing one outside. No wonder the government can't persuade anyone to go back to work and are fearing the economy will end up on its knees. The fear is disproportionate: as are the adverse effects of lockdown in ways completely unrelated to the virus.

The neighbourhood prefects must be delighted though. Just when they thought they were losing their purity-spiralling opportunities, along comes another chance to police other people's behaviour. The glory days ain't fading yet ...

[Fuckinellitsme]

@SweetPetrichor I tend to agree, although exemption notes are not being issued and the government says they won't be and are not required. Not that you'd show a card detailing often rare medical conditions/personal information to, say, a stranger on a bus anyway.

All I'm asking is that if you see someone not wearing a mask, don't immediately assume they're in the chancer category.

[2beautifulbabs]

I will gladly wear a mask in inclosed public spaces such as shops supermarkets etc

But I refuse to wear one when out for a walk run or cycle in open spaces I'd be collapsed in a heap and probably end up with some serious damage to my body by restricting my breathing

I think it needs to come down to common sense when wearing a mask I've seen people wearing them just out and about and even sat in their own cars each to they're own

[Cooper88]

Just to give you a bit of hope, and slightly off topic my step mum had brain surgery for TN about 25years ago, they said at tue time she could only hope for 10 years before a re occurrence of TN and it still hasn't come back. It will be 26 years at Christmas pain free for her.