To ask people to show a little more understanding to those not wearing masks

[Fuckinellitsme]

Apologies for another mask thread.

First of all, I'm not an 'anti masker', I absolutely see the need and the importance of wearing them. I'm unable to wear one myself - I have trigeminal neuralgia and when I've tried to wear one, the resulting attack has left me bedbound for days. I want to wear one, but I can't. I also have rheumatoid arthritis so I'm incredibly grateful to all the people who do wear masks, therefore protecting others and especially those in higher risk groups (though not vulnerable enough to be shielding) like me.

However. I've seen some truly awful comments on here in the last few days directed at those who don't wear masks. We should be treated like lepers if we enter a shop without one, for example, or should be banned from them outright. And we ought to stay at home if we are exempt, not use public transport or go shopping or go to work. We have 'made up' health issues and disabilities and are 'woe is me' 'snowflakes'. I've also encountered bus passengers passing comment and tutting about my lack of mask.

Those of us who can't wear a mask (and are acting within the law/guidelines, being exempt) still need to go about our business. It would be lovely if we could do so without fear of comment or judgement. I understand that there will be those who don't wear a mask because they just don't want to - however, please, if you see someone without a mask (particularly if they're wearing a sunflower/exempt lanyard) try to be understanding and give them the benefit of the doubt.

The nastiness and ableist comments on here (and elsewhere) in the past few days have been genuinely upsetting for those of us unable to wear masks. Please don't assume we're all stupid/selfish/conspiracy theorists/don't care about your health, or that it's a choice. For many, choice doesn't come into it.

A bit of empathy goes a long way, especially in these weird times.

[Fuckinellitsme]

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras that, I'm afraid, I can't answer. I see the issue. I have rheumatoid arthritis so am higher risk myself, but not vulnerable enough to be shielding. The advice for those shielding is not to go to work/shops/use public transport - if I were in that group I would observe those rules.

[InsaneInTheViralMembrane]

No. OP did NOT need to explain TN. She should not have to “prove” her disability.

(Fellow TN here)

[Hearhoovesthinkzebras]

Personally if I had an autoimmune condition I wouldn’t be getting on public transport at all. Nor would I be visiting shops and supermarkets at busy times. But that’s just me.

So how are we meant to get to work? Or what do we do if we happen to work in a supermarket (as I do), or in a hospital or on public transport, but cannot afford to simply give up work?

[BlankTimes]

OP - It doesn't have to be a mask, it needs to be a face covering.

Have you tried all of the alternatives?

A friend who had Tri-G used to wear a man's balaclava to ease the pain, something like this design could also work as a mask. Sure you could add your own removable filter inside if you wanted to but surely it's still better than nothing without one.
www.thesafetysupplycompany.co.uk/p/9391411/b230-microfleece-balaclava---black---35g---bt-b230.html?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIvea1kvLO6gIVTe7tCh3Aqgv2EAQYASABEgJUI_D_BwE

What about a face shield? Google full face protective shield visor.

Or a bandana made with a scarf, you could insert pipe cleaners or bag ties or garden wire to make a comfort-fit around the nose and cheeks.

[Fuckinellitsme]

@crumpet

Unfortunately there are too many people who are treating the requirement to wear a mask as a severe breach of their human rights, or who are bleating loudly about how mean it all is and that the masks are all a bit too hot and stuffy.

Which makes it very difficult for those who cannot wear a mask for legitimate medical reasons.

Sadly this is true. People are lumping those who are legitimately exempt in with the genuinely selfish and reckless mask deniers.

[Howmythoughtstheyspinmeround]

I don’t think anyone has a problem with those who genuinely 100% cannot wear masks. Those people should be a minority anyway.

It’s people like the poster who started the ‘haven’t we been through enough’ thread yesterday who is self diagnosing herself with ‘sensory issues’ as her mask is itchy uncomfortable and harder to breathe. Which is just the reality of wearing a mask. Or even those who as asmathic. My friend is asmathic and managed to wear a mask for 7 hours on a plane home. My sister has a lung condition that is severe and is surviving a 30 min quick shop with mask on. A lot of people don’t even want to try see if they can adjust of use shields or try different types of masks.

[Fuckinellitsme]

@BlankTimes thank you for the suggestions, genuinely. Unfortunately I cannot wear anything which places pressure on my face/head. Sometimes even getting dressed sets it off.

[NotShiny]

"It seems like on MN almost every person has a special need /issue that exempts them from wearing a mask."

Lots of people with special needs or disabilities go onto forums for support etc, so not unusual that there are lots of people on here with issues really. In real life, ie the wider world, maybe not so many. Also people express views on here anonymously that they might not in real life.

[blurpityblurp]

How are both of our needs met when they directly conflict?

By both of you making sensible choices.

COVID isn’t the Black Death. People act like if you so much as glance at an infected person you’ll catch it. And now that’s turned into “if you so much as glance at an unmasked person you’ll catch it” even though that person is statistically unlikely to even have it.

You need to be in close confines with an infected person for an extended period of time, or for them to actively cough or sneeze on you, in order to catch it.

If you can’t wear a mask, be sensible: don’t go out more than necessary, and be scrupulous about social distancing and hand washing, and be vigilant about sneezing into a tissue then throwing it away and washing your hands if you need to sneeze.

If you’re medically vulnerable, just avoid sitting near someone who’s not wearing a mask. Try to avoid public transport or move to a different tube compartment after 5 minutes. Use hand sanitiser regularly. Wear your own mask. Practice strict social distancing. If you do all these things a non-mask wearer doesn’t pose any real risk to you.

[Hearhoovesthinkzebras]

The advice for those shielding is not to go to work/shops/use public transport - if I were in that group I would observe those rules.

Only until 1st August, then we are expected back at work. I've had to attend hospital during this. Am due to go tomorrow. I can't magically transport myself there. I also will be around other people whilst there. Every person I am exposed to puts me at risk. Aren't my rights to be kept safe equally important?

[Lweji]

This is not going to be pleasant.
So far, you've had a hidden disability.
Unfortunately, your disability will become more visible and you'll have to cope with it and develop a thicker skin.
This is made worse because it's a situation in which the effect of your disability carries risks to you and others. And this makes many people around you uncomfortable.

Like I posted earlier, take other protective measures to ensure you're not at risk and you're not a risk to others.
At least you'll be showing that you're not disregarding safety.

[Fuckinellitsme]

If you can’t wear a mask, be sensible: don’t go out more than necessary, and be scrupulous about social distancing and hand washing, and be vigilant about sneezing into a tissue then throwing it away and washing your hands if you need to sneeze

I do all this. I'm only going out when necessary and use public transport once a week for shopping (I only started to do so again recently - I don't drive and online slots were impossible to come by so had to go to the supermarket on foot three times week, which was very difficult with my RA).

Social distancing seems to have gone out the window where I am, sadly.

[Hearhoovesthinkzebras]

If you’re medically vulnerable, just avoid sitting near someone who’s not wearing a mask. Try to avoid public transport or move to a different tube compartment after 5 minutes. Use hand sanitiser regularly. Wear your own mask. Practice strict social distancing. If you do all these things a non-mask wearer doesn’t pose any real risk to you.

But me wearing a mask doesn't give me any protection at all and yes, where I can I will do all of those things but sometimes it just isn't possible. I can't control someone else coughing or sneezing near me. I also can't avoid having to work near someone not wearing a mask for an extended period of time. Teachers in school for example will be in classrooms for at least an hour, with students not wearing masks.

[Lweji]

People are lumping those who are legitimately exempt in with the genuinely selfish and reckless mask deniers.

I don't think they are. Although, you certainly are when you feel attacked.

Out and about, though, yes, people will probably think you're the selfish kind.

[Fuckinellitsme]

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras the advice from @blurpityblurp gave above seems very sensible.

I think all of us are going to have to learn to be extra mindful of others for quite a long time - particularly if we cannot wear a face covering. I accept that and am completely happy to do so. I also think that we all need to be empathetic and understanding of others and accept that things are not black and white.

[Lozz22]

So then the simple answer is unless you wear a face mask to go to the shop. Don't go out. I haven't just spent the last 5 months trying my damned hardest to keep those who I look after safe. It's gut wrenching watching them get so upset and confused thinking that their families no longer care about them because they haven't seen them in so long and it's heartbreaking not being able to say goodbye to someone you've cared for regularly. Some did have family to send them off on their final journey others didn't. I haven't seen my DGM for 5 months for worry I'll pick something up at work. My DM and DS I've seen from a distance when collecting my online shopping and my long distance DP from across a lay by and before anyone jumps on saying he shouldn't have even driven down here he's a Truck driver ensuring you all have food etc and on the times we saw each other just happened to be delivering over here.

[SmileyClare]

Of course there will be a small minority who cannot wear masks. Adults with certain SEN are exempt and a mask can be removed in a lip reading situation, and also for purposes of validating photo ID for example.

I'm sorry you are living with your condition op, it sounds very difficult.

I would advise ignoring the mask threads on here. MN is not generally representative of real life attitudes.

[SockYarn]

YANBU.

But understanding and common sense has gone out the window. The same people who were screeching to STAY THE FUCK AT HOME in march have now changed their message to WEAR A FUCKING MASK.

No exceptions, no understanding, no thought process that there might be very good reasons why someone isn't staying at home or isn't wearing a mask. I have no time for the sanctimonious, self-appointed Covid-Stasi.

[Hearhoovesthinkzebras]

I honestly think the only answer is to offer vulnerable people fit tested n95 or higher masks so that they are actually protected from those who can't or won't wear masks otherwise the rights of those who can't wear masks are placed higher than those at high risk.

[BrightYellowDaffodil]

YANBU, OP.

Of course, all this has brought the same awful people screaming to the fore, whose refusal to accept that there genuinely are people who cannot wear a mask for a legitimate reason is along the same lines as when they screeched "Just stay at home FFS!!!!" to people who genuinely had a reason to go out.

Covid really has shown some people to be who they really are: nasty bullies.

OP, I fear your plea for tolerance - however rational - will be lost in all the hysterical screaming from people who are incapable of nuanced thought.

[Notonthestairs]

We need a proper public health campaign to sell the benefits of the mask AND spelling out the exemptions. The 10 day period is to help people prepare - they won't if they dont see the benefit.
We need to neutralise it as a political statement, persuade the naysayers and roll out some kind of card that can be shown swiftly without giving medical details.
But then that would require planning and an understanding of the issues.

What have to accept is that there will always be some that take the piss and its not our job to patrol them.

[BankofNook]

Yet people think they’re magically immune and so they don’t bother with other necessary things like social distancing and hand washing.

These are my concerns too, that people will sack off the other safety measures because they have a mask on. My other concern is that people who are symptomatic but not very unwell will still go out because "it's fine, the mask will stop me spreading it".

If a face covering is going to trigger your TN, what do you think wearing an oxygen mask will do to it?!

There's always one, isn't there?

If OP was in need if an oxygen mask she would be in a medical setting where adequate pain relief could be administered to counteract the pain caused by the oxygen mask.

[Pelleas]

I've seen very few people wearing masks out and about or in shops - even since the announcement that they'll be compulsory from 24/7. Those wearing them in my area seem to be people who probably consider themselves at risk - the elderly, particularly elderly BAME men and people with a visible disability. I'm wearing one inside shops as one might as well get used to it.

[MaxNormal]

MaskingForIt that level of sanctimony is a hideously ugly look.

The point of masks, presumably, is to minimise spread. Not eliminate it altogether, that's not possible. TM is an horrifically painful condition and of course people who suffer from it should be exempt.

It's just judgy arseholes, no longer able to scream "stay at home", who now have another stick to beat people with. Just wind your neck in and worry about yourself, and stop with the ridiculous "saving lives" hyperbole, as if the odd person who can't wear a mask for medical reasons is going to make any statistically signficiant difference to the spread. Of course they're not.

Just.... seriously. Stop. Enough.