Is being fat a choice?

[notevenamum1]

This has all been triggered from a post I read on here the other day that was based around how short men must feel how fat women do when it comes to dating. There was a comment made about how it was worse for the men because they had not chosen to be short. Now this blaze comment about how being fat is a choice really sent me down a rabbit hole.

I think this is probably easy to say if you are someone who has never struggled with weight before but if you are someone like me who has struggled and yo-yo’d with their weight their whole life then they would beg to differ. I am both tall and fat, I have in the past been slim(mer) but it was a hell of a battle to get there and was unsustainable to stay there. Even now I am 5ft8, 14stone and convince myself that I am a size 14...I have to be mindful of what I eat every day, and exercise regularly or I would be even larger than I am now.

Do people look at me and think I am fat because I have no self control? Do they think this is my “fault”?

Is being “fat” a choice?

I see a large person yes but I truly don't have judge or spend time thinking about how/why they might be overweight.

Lockdown has taught me how hard it is to keep a check on weight. I am normally 9 stone 10 /around 61-62 kgs and 5 "7. I manage to stay just about slim (still bigger thighs/bum I'd like...) through keeping a general check on my diet and knowing the moment I even touch bread I feel my thighs expand, and being pretty active. For e.g normally I power walk from work- train station and get a station further away so walk longer. When I say power walk- I really do! i.e a distance standard pedestrian /Goggle maps say takes say 20 minutes I'll do in about 12. I walk up 6 flights of stairs at walk several times a day, a few days walk the DC to school. 2/3 days a week burn 500 calories in 90min gym sessions.
I now have almost none of this activity, no longish/fast walks to get from A to B, no flights of stairs to run up. No gym. I've been running a few times a week and doing a few HIT's but its nowhere NEAR the same amount of activity I do each day without even realising. I've put on 4 kgs...now slowly trying to loose it. So I now really understand how quickly it can be to put on weight, and hard it is to loose it. I've truly seen how its not just about what you eat, but how much you move a day without even thinking- as well as doing actual workouts.

@notevenamum1 As someone who is currently obese (previously obese, lost 50kgs through cultivating better eating habits, went through a bunch of unfortunate life stuff & comfort ate and put it all back on again plus some, now losing it again through healthier eating habits)...yes, it's a choice. Or several choices made daily.

BUT you might not know you have alternative choices, or you might just have not found what works for you yet. Saying it's a choice is true but also a huge over-simplification. It's a process of learning better habits and also mindset as much as anything (for me, anyway). I know how and what to eat, I know how to train because I was an athlete, but I always knew my mindset was not great.

If you're interested, check out Corinne Crabtree's podcast (think it's something like Losing 100lbs with Phit N Phat, in the health category) or take a look at a book called Chasing Cupcakes by Elizabeth Benton. I'm using both those things right now and losing weight steadily.

Hope this helps.

@Laiste, great post.

Whilst it’s technically possible to cut back even further and spend the rest of your life only eating the most basic of diets plus exercising shitloads in order to achieve slimness it's no way to live and people shouldn’t be judged for not doing so
No, it's still a choice. You say it's no way to live, I say that's much more to live for than food, and feeling fat us what us for me no way to live because it makes me feel very low, destroys my self-esteem, and makes me feel physically uncomfortable and like I've lost all my energy.

Its not really a choice. No one choses to be fat. What you mean by 'its a choice' is 'its their fault'

Which to a certain extent is true. Being fat is the result of years of choices which have combined and resulted in gaining weight. The fat person could have stopped the weight gain in the majority of cases. But its also not as simple as 'you chose to be fat'

The problem is that if you weigh say 10st, its relatively easy to catch weight gain and lose a couple of pounds. If you dont catch the weight gain and end up gaining a couple of stone, the task on your hands is much bigger. Its a lot easier to maintain a healthy weight than lose weight.

Some people will find weight loss easier than others. Some people will gain weight easier than others.

You can eat healthy food and gain weight, but that doesnt mean gaining weight wasnt your fault.

I have never actually met anyone who eats a lot of calories and stays skinny, Ive never met anyone whos overweight and actually only eats 1500kcal a day. They always exist on MN threads, but in real life not so much. Most people their weight is directly related to the amount of calories they consume.

Nodding to Schrodinger and Laiste's posts, very insightful.

I was reading Bluntness's post also and I'm pondering at the idea of 'fault'. It's such a loaded term. This isn't aimed at Bluntness, just that the word leapt out at me. I think women have a tendency to levy this blaming term at themselves a lot - and are also keen to apply it to other women also. I really don't see men using it in the same cutting way that women do. I think we have a tendency to be very, very harsh with ourselves sometimes.

Rather than 'fault', surely we could just acknowledge that it is the reason behind why we put on weight? There is always a reason and that's what seems to be forgotten behind the mode, ie. overeating which causes the weight gain in the first place.

I think the judgement that is interwoven into so many posts like Blackpool rock, is singularly unhelpful. Since when did being told that 'you're a fatty!' ever achieve weight loss? Misery and self-contempt, sure. It's not intended to be helpful so it never is.

I know that many posters are concerned about 'fat acceptance'. Me too. But, there's a thin line between genuinely being concerned at the ease and ability to access foods - and ultimately, the habits - that help somebody become overweight - and the blanket mantle of disgust and non-acceptance that generally gets slapped on somebody who is fat. Somebody who is fat is not less than, they are just fat and they are worthy of acceptance just because they're people.

If the concern truly is to avoid acceptance of the condition rather than the people suffering from obesity, then address that contagion and stop making it so bloody personal. There may even be a value to these threads then.

I said this on another thread but there's a lot of dross to ignore to get to the erudite posters who post some incredibly thought-provoking views. I'm very grateful for them.

If you’re overweight and you’ve lost weight, it’s not taking anything away from you by acknowledging being overweight is more complex than just choice.

We live in extremely unhealthy calorie laden environments now (contributing to obesity epidemics in countries such as America), plus add in genetics, education, poverty, sleep, stress, mental health, free time, upbringing and much much more.

All the experts who have researched this agree the obesity epidemic is complex and multi factor. It’s important not to just go off your own bias personal experience but read up on research and expert opinion.

From the British Psychological Society

'The people who are most likely to be an unhealthy weight are those who have a high genetic risk of developing obesity and whose lives are also shaped by work, school and social environments that promote overeating and inactivity.
'People who live in deprived areas often experience high levels of stress, including major life challenges and trauma.'

Pressed post to early, the report went on to say

The report added: 'Often their neighbourhoods offer few opportunities and incentives for physical activity and options for accessing affordable healthy food are limited.

'Psychological experiences also play a big role - up to half of adults attending specialist obesity services have experienced childhood adversity.'

All the academic research points to the fact it’s multi factor.

No one is saying it's just choice. That would be stupid.

But in the end. That is what it comes to. It really si no one else who can change it but the person. I have accepted that I am the only one who can change it and it really changed my outlook on things.

But in the end. That is what it comes to. It really si no one else who can change it but the person. I have accepted that I am the only one who can change it and it really changed my outlook on things

I think this is the key really. Of course there are complicating factors but you wouldnt say to a drug addict "ah well, there's really nothing you can do about it, you'll have to stay on drugs forever as its not your choice and it cant be helped-sorry". Same with this. Addiction to food for emotional reasons or to self soothe or whatever the reasons for it, you CAN empower yourself to do something about it and that IS your choice. Telling people the choice is out of their hands is horribly disempowering and places them in the role of helpless victim whereby they cannot take control of their lives or their future happiness and health. Thats is very very wrong. Its not helpful and it further cements the idea of hopelessness and someone being at the mercy of a dysfunctional behaviour. Noone is saying its easy. It bloody isnt, but to tell people they dont have a choice is a really disempowering thing to do. People DO have a choice and with the right therapeutic support and medical guidance there is a great deal they can do to help themselves to reset their relationship with food and take control of their health. Give people hope, dont condemn them to a certain way of living for the rest of their lives.

It shouldn’t have to be what it comes down to, the obesity problem is growing so that approach is working and will cost society in terms of NHS costs and lack of productivity.

If you consider all the factors mentioned there is plenty that could be done in terms of education, fast food restrictions, making it easier for people to cycle and so on. That’s partly why the research is done - to suggest policies that would help. Consider the smoking law changes, yes you can say choice is a factor, but when policy was put in place to making smoking more difficult then numbers dropped, it’s win win (well not for cigarette companies)

Anyone worried about the over 35 BMI comment by the consultant needs to look into the Obesity Code by Dr Jason Fung, or his youtube videos. Anyone trying to follow traditional methods for weight loss as recommended by the vast amount of health professionals sadly fails (i.e calorie restriction, exercise). You CAN lose weight but it needs to be done the right way i.e. controlling blood sugar through periods of fasting and breaking fasts with the RIGHT foods, not things that send your blood sugar sky high. Something like 98% of traditional diets don't work or the results don't last because the advice given and followed by health professionals is bad advice. If you want consistent results that last, try fasting. It works.

Anyone trying to follow traditional methods for weight loss as recommended by the vast amount of health professionals sadly fails (i.e calorie restriction, exercise).

Some people. Very, very important to not make people feel like they won't lose weight unless they join a new weightloss cult... just saying.

@AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter there is a lot more support for drug addiction and it’s recognised as an addiction, for starters. And no one is saying there is nothing overweight people can do, it’s looking at what we as a society can do to support them as some people have the cards stacked against them . The blame culture I’ve seen from a few on here certainly doesn’t help.

@Blackandwhitehorse
Having worked in drug detox I'll have to disagree with you that there is lots of support for drug addictions. There isnt. People come into detox wards, get clean and then they are released with minimal support back to the same communities from which they came and go straight back to drugs. Drugs addicts are also frequently arrested and placed in the prison system instead of being helped to get rehab which is the root cause of their behaviour.
There are support groups for eating disorders, including overeaters anonymous. You can ask to be referred to a dietician. As for therapy- yes, there are huge waiting lists to access that for free but thats the case for everyone wanting therapy, not just people with food issues.
I agree that blame doesnt help anyone. But people on this thread ARE saying there is nothing people can do to help themselves and its disempowering. There is a middle ground between blaming people and telling them they have no choices and they cant help themselves.

I didn’t say there was a lot, but a lot more than addiction services for food - which often isn’t acknowledged as an addiction, so people don’t get signposted to those services as they should. I know the support for drug addiction is lacking (from personal experience in my family unfortunately). It seems we agree on the blame culture anyway, blame doesn’t help. And people saying it’s all down to personal choice are contributing to the blame culture.

@SchrodingersImmigrant

Anyone trying to follow traditional methods for weight loss as recommended by the vast amount of health professionals sadly fails (i.e calorie restriction, exercise).

Some people. Very, very important to not make people feel like they won't lose weight unless they join a new weightloss cult... just saying.

There is evidence that long term calorie restriction causes long lasting metabolic damage. Emerging science refutes calorie restriction as a long term strategy. Your body simply adapts by shutting down other energy demanding processes

I have stage 3 lipoedema and am involuntarily fat it's a nightmare, I haven't eaten a cooked meal since Easter Sunday and I'm living off skinny soup and fat free yoghurt just to stay a size 18. Being fat is not always a choice and I actually envy those who could just lose weight by eating less!

Would we tell people struggling with anorexia that it’s a choice? They just need to eat more. That will solve it, no? Most are bright and understand they aren’t consuming enough calories, so it’s a choice, isn’t it?

I’d hope nobody was that insensitive or unkind but many seem to think that it’s ok to say similar to someone struggling to reduce their weight.
Why the need to be so horrible to people that are probably already struggling to be kind to themselves.

I think that different people have different 'base rates' for calorie intake that they need to stay the same weight. That depends on a number of factors.

Activity levels, both conscious and unconscious, people who are naturally slim tend to fidget and move even without realising it.

Genetics plays a part too.

But so do eating habits, which can also run in families because we learn from our parents.

My own base level is very low and I have to consistently eat fewer than 1200 calories per day to lose weight. This hasn't increased significantly despite starting to do daily exercise moderate e exercise.

To lose weight and keep it off I've had to accept my eating habits have had to change for ever. There is no point 'dieting' as you just put weight back on when you return to previous eating habits. You have to learn to eat differently forever.

It's not easy because fatty and sweet food is yummy but it doesn't suit me so it needs to be a rare treat only

Are anorexics told they need to eat to be better and not to die early?
Yes. It's not cruel. It's truth.
Are drug addicts told they need to stop or they will die early?
Yes. It's not cruel. It's truth.
Same goes for alcoholics, etc. But not obese?(obviously not counting health issues. Can't believe it still has to be added).

Can people get better without taking a responsibility for themselves, their actions and their life and taking the control of it? Without realising they are the last defence?
No.

Denial is a dangerous thing. Very dangerous thing. It kills people...

Activity levels, both conscious and unconscious, people who are naturally slim tend to fidget and move even without realising it.

There was a very interesting thread about it. 2 housemates. Eat same food. One was slimmer. In the end it turned out the slimmer one went for run, fidgeted, got up a lot etc. I found that thread really interesting.

Your diet is your choice. But whether the "right" choice is easy or hard varies widely and is not something an individual has any control over. It's a rigged game.

Thousands of years of evolution have primed us to get fat in the abundant times to survive the famines. Now, in the western world, most of us are presented with perpetual abundance of the unhealthiest food. No wonder a lot of us get fat!

It’s more complicated than that. For the most part I would say yes but the fact that unhealthy food is cheaper than fresh veg etc, I bought a pack of biscuits in the supermarket yesterday for 32p. I also bought a 6 pack of apples for £1.60. Go figure.
There’s also a lack of education in terms of importance of healthy eating I have seen women, usually fairly young it must be said with children drinking coke from their bottles. Healthy eating and learning to cook fresh healthy meals from scratch in school would be a good start.

This is so difficult!

I have battled my weight from being 15-50 - lost weight on weight watchers, slimming world, 5:2, through all that time, slowly gained it started again.

Since I was 24, I've been a member of a gym, classes, weight training, swimming, Pilates, I enjoy exercise and I'm still relatively fit. I love clothes and that has always been my motivation to lose the weight- start getting to be a hefty size 14 - go on a diet get back to a 12, stay there for a year, 2, 3 and then off again.

But then comes the bloody menopause, all my normal strategies don't work, the diets don't work, I'm tired of diets, I'm just tired! stick to it all week then a nice meal out and a few drinks at the weekend and I'm back where I started! Life feeling too short to skip the nice meal and the drinks at the weekend!

It's exhausting, I don't think I've got it in me to do it again! ☹️