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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed with DH insisting DS go to nursery today

42 replies

Jnet28 · 14/07/2020 08:31

We got back from a long trip last night and didn't step foot in the house until gone 9pm. There was a fire on our train route so trains were cancelled and we were massively delayed. By the time we'd eaten and bathed DS he didn't go to sleep until past 11. This is an exception, a one off due to the circumstances but obviously everybody is knackered this morning.

DS (3) goes to nursery twice a week mainly for the socialization, I'm a SAHP so it's not exactly necessary as in we dont rely on the childcare, yet DH said we will "look bad" if we don't send him because he "needs" to be in nursery

Personally I think everybody, primarily DS, would have benefited more not having to get up so early after spending the previous day travelling on multiple trains all day.

It's the last day of nursery term and then he's off for the summer holidays anyway.

Who is BU?

OP posts:

Somethingorotherorother · 14/07/2020 08:35

Id have said don't send him if it was just any other day, but as it's the last day of the term i think it's quite important - at 3 he's old enough to understand about breaks etc, but little enough that they could still be quite disruptive, so the 'rounding off' process of a final day is very helpful.

GinDrinker00 · 14/07/2020 08:37

I would send him for his last day. It’s important so he builds a understanding.

bumblingbovine49 · 14/07/2020 08:39

I wouldn't send him either ( just as a balance to the previous 2 posters)

I think he needs the rest more than the last day of nursery

EllaAlright · 14/07/2020 08:40

I’d also send him for the last day.

Original poster

Jnet28 · 14/07/2020 08:40

I am sending him btw, I just think it's inconvenient and he's going to be shattered come lunch time

OP posts:

Whatifitallgoesright · 14/07/2020 08:40

You're up now so I'd just explain to the nursery he'll be tired and you don't mind collecting him early if they think he's really off.

Your DH however is being weird. It's not compulsory attendance. Is he getting mixed up with school?

Marmite27 · 14/07/2020 08:41

I wouldn’t send him, but I wouldn’t have bathed him when I got home! Straight to bed and a shower in the morning.

Marmite27 · 14/07/2020 08:42

Actually, if it’s the last day, I’d probably send him and tell them he’s tired either let him nap, or call me to collect.

Original poster

Jnet28 · 14/07/2020 08:42

Your DH however is being weird. It's not compulsory attendance. Is he getting mixed up with school?

That's what I said too, his reasoning is he thinks we will "look bad" for disrupting his routine and not "putting him first"

The nursery must be monstrous then for closing for 5 weeks

OP posts:

Mydogisthebestest · 14/07/2020 08:44

I would have sent him for the last day so he got closure for the holidays.

Happydaysforever123 · 14/07/2020 08:47

I would have sent him for the last day for his benefit and to pick up any of his work and belongings. Not because I was worried what they would think.
He can have a good nap after lunch.

Mylittlepony374 · 14/07/2020 08:52

I would've kept him home. I think it's odd to send him exhausted when really the benefit to him is minimal.

Maryann1975 · 14/07/2020 08:56

A compromise would have been that you have a lazy morning, let him wake up in his own time and get him their slightly later. But, if he is anything like my dc he would have been up at the crack of dawn anyway so it wouldn’t have made any difference.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 14/07/2020 08:57

I’d send him in,

midnightstar66 · 14/07/2020 09:02

Definitely an odd opinion from DH that it will look bad in any way. However I'd just have let him wake naturally then taken him In whenever that was seeing it was the last day. A normal day I'd just have kept him off

Heyhih3 · 14/07/2020 09:02

I wouldn’t of sent him. What does it matter? Look bad to who? You won’t look bad to anybody I’m sure the nursery staff won’t mind at all. It’s a bit mean since you all went to bed late. At a push I would take him around 1pm.

SarahAndQuack · 14/07/2020 09:08

I wouldn't send him in. And our nursery would be quite likely to ring up if a child came in so exhausted they couldn't join in, because they'd assume the child was ill. They're being very careful these days, for obvious reasons.

I don't see how on earth a three year old is supposed to extrapolate that their routine being disrupted with an 11pm bedtime is different from their routine being disrupted by a day off nursery, either. Mine's three and she's still pretty shaky on days of the week.

Spied · 14/07/2020 09:09

I'm with your DH with regards to it looking bad.
I know at my DC's nursery/school there are parents who don't send their DC in on the last few days/ last day of term and tbh I find it quite disrespectful on the staff who have turned up to do their job and be there for your dc.
However, in your case you have a legitimate reason so I think I may have called and explained yesterday's scenario and kept him home.

NellePorter · 14/07/2020 09:12

Any other day I wouldn't have sent him in, but as it's the last day yes I would, so he can "say goodbye" for the holidays and join in the fun activities. He can have a quiet few days now to recover. But I think your DH reasons for sending him are a bit odd.

Iloveyoutothefridgeandback · 14/07/2020 09:18

The comment that it will "look bad" is ridiculous. It's nursery, it's in no way compulsory and you pay a shit load for the privilege. So I wouldn't even entertain this train of thought.

But as others have said it would have been nice for him to go in and see his friends again before the summer break. But if he was really knackered then maybe it wouldn't have been worth the hassle.

It's not a big deal. I think your DH overreacted a bit.

QuestionMarkNow · 14/07/2020 09:22

As a guess, he is never the one who has to deal wth an overtired child all day long?
And he is also not the one to deal with him in the evening, end of afternoon, out him to bed etc...?

Because he seems to have no idea of how an overtired child is behaving tbh. Now does he seem to have an idea of how hard it will be for nursery (or for you when he comes back home).

I’m also at the idea of sending a child to school with little sleep for their own well-being. I thought that getting a good night sleep would have been top of the ‘looking after my child wellbeing’ tbh.

FWIW I’ve had a similar situation happening with ds1. Came back home at 1.00am. I didn’t send him to school. Ds1 was in Y10 too. School thought it was a totally ok reason to be late (ds1 turned up end of the morning once he had woken up naturally).

QuestionMarkNow · 14/07/2020 09:24

For those who are saying it looks bad and disrespectful.
Are you saying that would send a child who is under the weather in the last day because teachers have turned up (ie they are doing the job they are paid for!).

If the DH was so concerned about looking bad, he shouldn’t have taken his ds away the day before the last day of nursery.

SmallChickBilly · 14/07/2020 09:24

Whether you send him or not is up to you, but whether you 'look bad' should not be factored into the equation! Why is your husband more concerned about what the nursery think of him than he is about whether your son is up to going in?

Di11y · 14/07/2020 09:27

Why not collect after lunch for a lazy afternoon? Nice to be in last day.

underneaththeash · 14/07/2020 09:34

I would just have sent him in a bit late. Nursery staff won’t thank you for sending in an exhausted child.

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