To ask about your relationship with your mum

[bettydaviseyes1]

I might be being unreasonable to ask such a personal question and I'm sorry if it offends but I'm going through a bit of a tough time with my mum, feel like I'm the worst daughter in the world and nothing I ever do is good enough. I dont feel myself when I'm with her and feel like I'm walking on eggshells. I love her to bits but it's such a complicated relationship.

So I'm wondering, how often do you call or see your mum? Do you live close? Go on holiday together?

I wonder if I am an awful daughter because we dont have that close relationship or whether i have unrealistic expectations of what a mother/daughter relationship should be. I'm 28 years old and she still puts the absolute fear in me!

It was awful. It's ruined my life.

I'm not close to my Mum at all, we actually live in adjoining streets but before lockdown I'd see her once a week .. we've always been like this. My son is with her every day and helps with her jobs, shopping etc.
Non of us are close to her, she likes to keep people at arms length, her whole family are the same.
I made the conscious decision when I had children that I'd be totally different with my children.. I didn't want them growing up feeling as unloved as I did

My mum bullied me and was emotionally abusive when i was a kid. My sister was favoured. I feel for people who were devastated by the loss of their beloved mothers. It's very unfair as I'd be relieved if i lost my mother but she's fit as a fiddle at 78

I had a very special relationship with my Mum. She was my best friend. I lost her at 24 and 6 years on I still miss her very dearly.

She lives three hours away. I'd say we are very close - part of it is because my dad died when I was a kid, but also she's mellowed out a bit as she's got older and my current stepdad isn't an arsehole like the last one was, which helps. And we don't live together so we're not in each other's faces. I'm the same about my brother. Mum and I did have a lot of shouting matches when I was a teenager and I do have some issues because of her, but the same can be said for a lot of teenage girls. I love her to pieces and one thing that is getting to me a lot is that I can't visit her. I don't drive, so I'd have to get the train down to see her and my stepdad and it's too risky. I do phone her every week though and post updates on Facebook so she knows how I'm doing. I did have a bad time with her while she was an alcoholic, especially when she collapsed and had to go to hospital, but she's been clean for about 2-3 years now and I'm really proud of how far she's come.

We went on holiday to Munich a few years ago. At times it did get a bit difficult but generally we had a good time and at one point we both went off and did our own thing. She doesn't speak German, so I had to do a lot of translating for her, but it's my job anyway so it was good practice!

It wasn’t until I was late teens that I worked out it wasn’t just the fact that we were hard up and single parent household that wasn’t great but that my Mum was detached and largely uninterested in me.
It didn’t really come under scrutiny until much later in life through therapy and having my own DC. She lives abroad and has done for 25 years and doesn’t have a mobile or do email so we speak once a fortnight. We get along well enough but she has absolutely no idea of how much I resent some of the things she’s said and done over the years and that I don’t hold her in the esteem she imagines I do. She stopped coming to the UK a few years ago and I am now currently unwilling to visit her more than once a year so this has further chipped away at any bond we may have.
In short we have quite a superficial relationship, a redeeming feature is she is a good listener and takes genuine interest in the chit chat of me and my boys so that with a bit of news discussion or similar is enough to flesh out an hour on the phone twice a month. I wish it was different not least because I feel the way she is has really cast a long shadow over me and her coolness growing up affects me still but I just understand it better nowadays

Somewhat strained! I sadly can’t have children, so she much prefers my sister who has kids. I’m irrelevant quite honestly.

So envious of close bonds. I guess I tolerate her. My aunt said she was always difficult. Would hate holidays so I dont do it. That brings another mood. Draining. !

I am not envious of close bonds- I really wouldn't want one with my mother.

I do however have the most amazing bonds with my own children ( 20 and 22) which more than compensates for my mother's disastrous effort in parenting.

@EdersonsSmileyTattoo

I had an amazing relationship with my DM, she was my best friend. We never, ever had a cross word, even when I was a teenager.

She was so supportive, understanding and totally none-judgemental. When I became disabled after I had DS she was just amazing.

She died six years ago, she was diagnosed with Grade 4 stomach cancer and died four weeks later, and it broke me.

I’m still broken now.

I think we were extremely lucky, I had the same relationship with my mum. Without her I too, am broken.

It's improved a lot since she died.

I am sorry for anyone losing a parent- especially if you now feel broken as a person.

Have a poor role model and an unsupportive mother however can lead us to a strong place.
It has fuelled my strength nurtured my independence, and fuelled my determination to be a good parent.

I have done this despite my mother, not because of her.
So a lot of good has come from a bad place.