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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To see where this dad is coming from? RE little boy wearing make up

144 replies

Earlyrisers0 · 13/07/2020 08:39

It's on a parenting group on Facebook. I'm happy to post it to squash any concerns that I'm trolling, but I will have to blur out the boys face for obvious reasons.

A mum has made a post showing a heated exchange with her ex. Their 9 year old son went to his dad's wearing make up and nail varnish and the dad told him to remove it all. Not that it makes much of a difference but the make up wasn't applied properly, think red lipstick smeared around his mouth and chin and what looks like black eyeshadow smudged around his eyebrows.

The mum also attatched to the post a handful of pictures of their son wearing dresses, pink pyjamas with pink dummys in his mouth and my littly pony onesies.

The mum said if her ex continued to tell him he can't express himself then he'll grow to hate his dad. The dad said she shouldn't be imposing her values and beliefs onto him and he will parent his child how he sees fit when he has him. The dad clearly thinks the boy is far too young to be experimenting with gender identity and I have to say I agree with him.

I'm clearly old fashioned but am I unreasonable?

OP posts:

squirrelsbizaar · 13/07/2020 09:38

The kid is just playing dress up, no need post pictures on SM , imagine him age 16 looking back at that.
The mum is using her son to score woke points, which is pretty shameful.

BabyLlamaZen · 13/07/2020 09:38

How is that gender identity? Boys can wear those things if they like. It doesnt mean he think he's a girl. I'd wipe the make up off though as not good for his skin and I wouldn't let any child (girl or boy) keep the make up on.

Babesinthewud · 13/07/2020 09:45

Or maybe the mother knew how the father would react, so she done it on purpose to get the negative reaction he gave....

LordGribeau · 13/07/2020 09:45

9 year old don’t play dress up!!

@AlwaysCheddar - my 9 year old DS has spent most of the last week dressed up as a storm trooper. I'm much happier with him doing that and running around the garden attacking imaginary rebels than sitting inside on the xbox all day.

I wouldn't let him have a dummy though, that went after much screaming before his 3rd birthday.

Evelefteden · 13/07/2020 09:46

I’m on the fence with this. I do think some people are capable of encouraging gender swooping.

I remember a couple of years ago looking for Girls school shoes on the clarks website and a mother had left a review that her four year old trans daughter loved the style and was so happy with them

Original poster

Earlyrisers0 · 13/07/2020 09:48

Just to clarify, it's not me saying she's forcing her beliefs onto the child. The father has said that in the text exchange.

OP posts:

pinkglove75318 · 13/07/2020 09:48

Don't be ridiculous. its a child playing dress up, not necessarily gender crisis. i have numerous pictures of me dressing my brother up in dresses and make up.

it hasn't scarred him for life,.

slashlover · 13/07/2020 09:48

Does nobody remember when there was a short time where we used to suck on dummies in the 90s?

I wonder if those saying the boy was experimenting with gender identity would say the same if a girl was wearing 'boys' clothing? I seem to remember a campaign because there was very little girls' Paw Patrol clothing, surely this is just the same with MLP in reverse?

Original poster

Earlyrisers0 · 13/07/2020 09:50

This isn't the first thing like this I've seen and it just doesn't sit right with me, it reminds me of another "Facebook personality" aka attention seeker who's little brother, aged around 10, is living as a female.

She takes great pride in broadcasting him all over the internet.

Perhaps the two are very different but this certainly looks as though it could be on the way to being the same type of scenario.

OP posts:

vikingwife · 13/07/2020 09:55

Doesn’t sound like the child was wearing makeup, but had crudely drawn all over themselves & the father, not wanting the child to look like a clown told him to remove it. As someone who doesn’t “do” silliness with kids, I would be inclined to want it removed too, not because the boy looks feminine, but the child looks silly.

JKRisagryff · 13/07/2020 09:58

Thorilicious if that’s true then that’s very damaging behaviour from the father. It’s sort of stifling behaviour that causes children to want to change their gender, and you can’t really blame them if they’re being told that the things they enjoy are only for the other sex.

Earlyrisers the two are very different. Allowing your child to wear/act/play with whatever they want with no judgment is the opposite of encouraging your child to transition.

PAND0RA · 13/07/2020 10:00

@totalitarian

The child wearing dressing up clothes/pink etc doesn't bother me.

What sticks out as very wrong-

Dummy? Wtf? At age 9. The damage that will do to his teeth
Make up on a 9 year old. Surely can't be good for their skin
Why is this plastered all over FB.? Poor wee soul

This.

Soubriquet · 13/07/2020 10:00

Does nobody remember when there was a short time where we used to suck on dummies in the 90s?

This was actually a trend started by people taking certain drugs at raves

Soontobe60 · 13/07/2020 10:01

@totalitarian

The child wearing dressing up clothes/pink etc doesn't bother me.

What sticks out as very wrong-

Dummy? Wtf? At age 9. The damage that will do to his teeth
Make up on a 9 year old. Surely can't be good for their skin
Why is this plastered all over FB.? Poor wee soul

This absolutely! Neither of my dds would have been allowed out with make up on at that age, no dummy after they turned 1 or so. For dressing up they had lots of things to wear, mainly my one their dfs old clothes 🤣

Thorilicious · 13/07/2020 10:01

@JKRisagryff exactly. People on this thread are basing their judgement on the OP, but that's not what has happened.

Iwalkinmyclothing · 13/07/2020 10:02

@Thorilicious

YABU. I saw that thread, and the photos weren't of what he went to his dads like. They were an example of showing how her ds experiments in his own home. From what I understand, it wasn't a full face of make up, he went to his dads with nail polish on his fingers. The ds said he didn't want to remove it, the dad ignored his son, and removed it anyway.

Begs the question, who is OP and why are they so keen to get people on side with the dad in this thread?

Davodia · 13/07/2020 10:07

Lots of people photograph their children in pj’s
I’m not talking about pjs. I’m talking about a 9yo boy dressed up as a baby with a dummy, posing for Facebook photos. It’s a paedophile’s wet dream.

TheSandman · 13/07/2020 10:10

He isn't experimenting with gender, he's playing dress up

This. My 11 year old son used to play 'Princesses' when he was wee. Asked for (and got) a Frozen dress for Christmas ages 4. Used to play football in it it. Haven't seen him in a frock for years - though he still likes his sisters to do his nails. It's play.

KarenMcKaren · 13/07/2020 10:20

Coupled with his hair tied into a straight pony tail sticking up at the front of his hair.

I'd almost think you were talking about my child there, although you can't be as I haven't fallen out with an ex over it. It doesn't matter how kids dress in their own time as long as they're not being pushed down the transitioning pathway. Taking the attitude that kids can't dress up like this push them into the gender ideology box and this is where the damage lies. Boy wearing a dress and messing about with makeup and hair? Fine. Boys being told they are girls? Not fine.

Thorilicious · 13/07/2020 10:20

@Iwalkinmyclothing I've just re read the post, OP has also failed to mention that the dad was very controlling while she was with him.

dollypops15 · 13/07/2020 10:22

Mmmm I'm not sure about this one. My 5 year old daughter wears boys clothes because she wants too. My son when younger had a doll and used to wear nail varnish copying Mummy.

I think smeared red lipstick everywhere is too much regardless of gender and big dark eyebrows filled in.

I'm guessing it all depends on how distressed the child was when dad made him remove it

MarshaBradyo · 13/07/2020 10:24

Poor child. I’d be worried the mother is using him for content to attract attention on SM

Bbq1 · 13/07/2020 10:25

What does MLP mean?

Thorilicious · 13/07/2020 10:26

@dollypops15 The OP is incorrect. It wasn't make up smeared every where, it was nail polish on his fingers. The son asked to keep it on, the dad ignored him and removed it.

Fandanglethat · 13/07/2020 10:27

Meh, my son loves a bit of make up and nail varnish. I let him play with my old stuff. He has some princess dresses and today asked for bunches in his hair to go to school. I let him get on with it.

He doesn't wear male up out of the house, I wouldn't let a girl the same age wear it out the house either. Nail varnish he does though.

I don't really care what he wears clothes-wise, he picks and as long as it weather appropriate (or the uniform if required) he can wear it.

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