Wtf would you do? Teenagers.

[NotMoreTeenageDramas]

Nc for this. Could be long, I'll try to be as clear as I can.

In November, DD17 booked a holiday to Centre Parcs with 4 other girls. They were meant to go in 2 weeks time but have decided that due to the restrictions, it wouldn't be the same, so they've rebooked for early next year. (Yes they're aware that the same restrictions could still be in place then but they're optimistic).

As none of them are 21 and you need to have an over 21 year old on the booking, one of the girl's mums very kindly said she would put herself on the booking and spend the week with another family that's going at the same time. So she'd be there, but be out of the girls way so it's like they're on their first girls holiday alone.

For those who don't know, with Centre Parcs, you don't pay per person, you pay for the Villa. In this case, the girls were paying for a 6 bed villa and split the cost 6 ways.

The girls paid £208 each, and before they sent the money to the mum who was booking it, they all agreed that if someone were to drop out for whatever reason, they wouldn't be able to get their money back unless they found a replacement.

I'm sure you can see where this is going.

One girl has fallen out with the other 4. I will never hear both sides of the story because I'm only being told one side from my DD (who is one of the 4). I've heard nothing but vile things about this other girl and can completely see why the other 4 don't want to be friends with her.

For a bit of context, the 4 have been friends since the start of secondary school (so nearly 6 years now) and the other girl they met at the beginning of sixth form (so about 9 months). You can see where the stronger friendships are.

As you can imagine, the girl doesn't want to come to Centre Parcs and is now demanding her money back. Originally, the girls said they couldn't give that back to her as they all agreed if you dropped out you wouldn't get it back.

The girls could split the cost of this girl's share and pay an extra £42 each so the girl can get her full amount back but they agreed that they can't really afford that and don't want to be out of pocket when this girl has been an awful friend to them.

I can see it from both sides. If it were my child that dropped out, I would be wanting the money back too because she's not going. However, they did agree before they paid there was a chance of no refunds and they were all happy to send the money off then anyway.

Here's the next bit. The girls are all 18 before the end of the year, and the 4 were happy to talk and try to resolve this between them like adults. This is where the discussion came in for them to pay the difference out of their own pocket because they were trying to be fair. However the other girl wanted to get parents involved and demanded the phone number of the mum who booked it.

The mum of the other was apparently threatening legal action if the £208 wasn't refunded, threatening to come round to their house, get the police involved etc.

For ease, I'm trying to convince my DD to pay £42 so the girl can get her money back and just leave them all alone. DD can't really afford £42 so we would pay it but I think it's just easier to give in given the circumstances.

It wasn't the 4 girls that pushed the other one out of their group and forced her to drop out of Centre Parcs. The 4 wanted to resolve their argument and carry on being friends but the other girl has been nasty and thrown their kindness and rationality back in their faces. I don't know the whole of the reason for the falling out but I've seen messages from my DD pleading with the other girl to sort it out and getting disgusting replies.

Needless to say, the friendship is far beyond repair so there is no chance they could make up and the girl could come to Centre Parcs after all.

Also, before anyone asks, there is also nobody who could fill the place. The girls have tried but there's not anyone they're good enough friends with to ask.

I just want other parents opinions, particularly those who have teenagers. Is it the right thing to do to encourage DD and friends to give £42 each so it gets the other girl to leave them alone?

[Leflic]

The “ no refunds unless there’s a replacement” is a stupid idea. Surely the others will all have to agree the replacement and you’ve said there’s no one else they all like.
The other girl could stick to the rules and replace herself with herself with her brother or a random. How would that help your DD and friends.

Make sure she is fully refunded ASAP.

[maddiemookins16mum]

The money needs paid back, by the girls, not you (or their parents). Even if it takes a few weeks.

[DaphneFanshaw]

Aren’t centre parks offering refunds because of Covid ?
I am not sure what the usual refunds Policy are like.
Tbh I would be advising my dd to get all the money back, refunding girl 5 and rebooking something else.
It might suit them better this time next year anyway.

[Sheenais]

Can’t they just all get their money back and rebook somewhere fun? Imagine going on holiday at 18 with a mum 😂😂

[Scrumpyjacks]

I would want the full story before offering to pay the 42 quid for her. If my dd and the other 2 were innocent and it was the one girl who was being mean or whatever then I would offer to pay the money so my dd could have a decent holiday. However, if my dd and the other 2 had been mean to the other girl making her not want to go then I would tell dd that she is to pay her back. Either way, the girl should get her money back.
Center parcs are offering refunds for covid and I think that includes a 100 pound discount/refund however I don't know if they're still offering this on breaks after their reopening. Worth checking. They may need a smaller lodge now anyway which would be cheaper and my fund the refund.

[DaphneFanshaw]

I know Sheenais. It was a nice idea at 17 but 18 ?
I’d be concerned that they might have drifted apart by then anyway and want to go away with new or different friends.

[FollowYourOwnNorthStar]

I would:

1. pay the money back in a heartbeat in order to stop this dragging on for both sides.
   
   
2. Encourage your daughter and her friends make a new rule around the money (possibly in writing, once they are over 18) that if someone can not attend due to any reason - illness, falling out etc, the money is forfeited
   
3. speak to your daughter about how/why the relationship went sour and encourage her to see that she and her friends were always in a position of strength in this relationship. Regardless of the ‘real’ story, encourage your daughter to take steps back and view it from a distance. Hopefully she may have a clearer view of her actions - right or wrong - and in future will either continue to stand up against bad behaviour OR not be the one causing it.

[FollowYourOwnNorthStar]

I’d also probably give my daughter chores to do around the house to the value of 42 pounds, so the value of the money is felt.

[cansu]

Just give the money back. Chances are they will find someone else next year to come along. My concern with next year is that by that that time, they will have fallen out, be going elsewhere, have boyfriends etc etc but that's your dd's problem.

[Igotthemheavyboobs]

@Sheenais

Can’t they just all get their money back and rebook somewhere fun? Imagine going on holiday at 18 with a mum 😂😂

This!

Why would they ever have booked CP?!
There will be nothing for them to do there. Should have booked an adult weekend in Butlins. If they can't afford £42, then they won't be able to afford Ibiza!

[Mydogisthebestest]

To me, it depends what the fall out is over.

I’ve had teenage girls (still have one who is 18). It is rarely one sided.

The relationship is obviously so fractured now that the other girl won’t go on holiday - since the girls were under 18 at the time of the booking then the legality isn’t maybe as simple as if they were 18.

But I’d probably pay the money myself for the sake of peace and doing the right thing, because I’m 100% certain that it isn’t one devil four angels - and your teen will never tell you the truth.


Also, lesson learned. Next time, if there’s a joint holiday with one booking - write down everything they agree to - eg refunds or not, how costs are split - and everyone signs it.

[pilates]

I would encourage to pay the £42 just because I like a quiet and peaceful life.

[lilgreen]

I guess the police threats are about theft of her money but it would be a civil matter so police would o my get involved if she caused some anti social behaviour. I agree pay her and learn a lesson in life. Put it in writing next time. Planning this far ahead with girls that age is a risk.

[Whenwillthisbeover]

My immediate thoughts were give her the money back and go somewhere decent.

Seems I wasn’t the only one.

[KaptainKaveman]

What were the 'disgusting replies' you claim to have seen, OP?

[Writerandreader]

I would teach a life lesson about peacefully resolving difficult situations by strongly encouraging them all paying her back.

I would also seriously doubt a story of 4 against 1 particularly as the 4 are being clearly argumentative over 42 quid each which would quickly end the dispute.

And to top it off I agree with others what will 4 18 year olds want with centre parks?! At that age I was off on my own with mates and wld have wanted to hang out with other teens. cannot imagine any holiday requiring even the slightest level of chaperoning.

[ineedaholidaynow]

If she can’t afford to pay £42 she won’t be able to afford any activities at CP

[Gobbycop]

What about a compromise of half the money back?

Also police won't be getting involved, it's absolutely not their remit.

[NoIDontWatchLoveIsland]

Willing to bet a million pounds the 4 have in some way left out the 1 a bit, even unconsciously excluded her because they've been a little clique for years before she came along.

[SnowsInWater]

I have a 17yo DD so am familiar with the dynamics. Regardless of what the others do I would get my daughter to give the girl her share of the money back and discuss the difference between legal and moral obligations with her.

I think they are too old for all the parents to try and do some group intervention thing. Everyone will have their own version of the truth, it will be impossible to reach an outcome that will please all sides. Some of the more unpleasant replies here show how situations like this touch a real raw nerve.

[Bumpsadaisie]

Yes. Pay the £42, get it over with and enjoy their holiday knowing they have tried tie be the bigger person.

[SmiledWithTheRisingSun]

It's only £42 ffs. Give it back!

[Grobagsforever]

Why on earth do 18 year olds want to to CP? No pubs and full of kids..

[Iloveacurry]

Pay the money back. Also you are just getting the one side of what happened with the girls. Yes this girl may of said vile things, but are the four other girls entirely innocent?

[mellowww]

@DaphneFanshaw

Aren’t centre parks offering refunds because of Covid ?
I am not sure what the usual refunds Policy are like.
Tbh I would be advising my dd to get all the money back, refunding girl 5 and rebooking something else.
It might suit them better this time next year anyway.

Best idea!!