To change my son's primary school for the 3rd time?

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Hello everyone, I would really like your opinions on this. I will try to make this brief. My DS1 is 8 yrs old. He started his 1st primary school, loved it, he stayed there for his reception and year 1. He made a tight group of friends there.

We moved house 2 hours away for work reasons. We live in a borough where catchment area usurps siblings. Our area has 3 amazing primary schools but unfortunately when we moved, his year group in all 3 schools were full, so we applied to go on the waiting lists for all of them. We were allocated a school which has very poor results, he had a good Yr 2 there but we were never going to let him stay, we even looked at private options.

DS2 started at our catchment school in September 2019 in reception.

After trying and failing via the appeals process to get DS1 into our catchment school for yr3, we were offered a place in another local school about 1.5 miles away from DS2's school. We told our son this would be his last move before senior school so he said yes. He has been at this school since October 2019. He seems fairly happy but doesn't have a tight knit group of friends like he had in his 1st school.

Logistically it's a bit of a nightmare. We can't walk either of them to school. Different inset days, different holidays, different communication methods........

I know there is a place coming up in Yr 4 in September in our catchment school (where DS2 is) . Would it be wrong for me to make him change school again? Both schools are excellent - in fact I have DS2, on the waiting list for DS1 school, however, there is very little prospect of him getting a place as we are out of catchment and very little movement. I have mentioned it to DS1 and he said he likes where he is. My life would be so much easier if they were at the same school

So AIBU?

He’s already adapted successfully in the past so hopefully he would be able to again. But that doesn’t mean that it wouldn’t be scary or sad for him. I’d been to 6 different schools by the time I was in year 6. Many years later I still remember my best friends from each of those schools and the sadness I felt when we had to move on again. If I’d have been asked at any time if I’d wanted to change schools, I guess I would have said no too. I can understand why the situation is inconvenient for you, but in your shoes I would leave him where he is.

You promised him! I can't imagine how all this upheaval is affecting him. I think it would make more sense to move DS2 if you have to move one of them. You could ask DS1 if he would like to move but you have to respect his wishes.

It's brutal having to change so frequently but given schools have more or less been closed since march I would consider talking to him and explaining the situation to him. Alot of children are going to need resettling come September Unless of course he's been attending school during the lockdown

I would ask him what he thinks.If he says no, I think you need to keep a promise you made.

Most kids have had a really unsettled time in the last few months. It's not been easy for any of them, in addition your poor kid has had a really unsettled time for the past few years. Time for him to have a chance to consolidate friendships, confidence, routines. He needs to be somewhere where as the song goes " everyone knows your a name" .

I would try to avoid it. I moved my son once, during year 4. He wanted to move and made friends quickly, but emotionally it was a little too much for him. He didn't sleep, he had some (temporary) tics... even though he was saying everything was fine, he was obviously having a lot of mental adjusting to do.

You told him you wouldn’t move him again and now you want to move him? Are you actually serious? Do you want your poor DS to never ever trust you again? You have to keep your promise.

Can’t really understand why you moved him between Y2 and Y3, that was really mean. Forget league tables, he’s going to do well if he’s settled and happy. Tbh his happiness doesn’t really seem all that important to you.

I went to 3 different primary schools and 3 different secondary schools due to my Dads job moving us around. I swore I'd never move my DS's without very good reason. I spent a long time never feeling particularly settled and always felt a bit resentful that I don't have old school friends now - we moved again just before college and before SM became a big thing/ no mobile phone

Mine are military brats. Dd1 had about 13 settings. She’s well rounded, makes friends easily, and can talk to anyone. When we moved to the ‘forever’ house, we told the kids they wouldn’t have to move schools again. After the first year, dd1 asked if she could move. Both the others moved as well within the next three years. It doesn’t have to be a big deal, and it was way easier when they were all together.
None of my kids have been remotely affected academically by moving schools.

This is awful. Poor kid. He shouldn’t have been moved to the school 1.5 miles away in the first place.

You told him it would be his last move, but even you hadn’t, it wouldn’t be fair to upheave him and move him again just to get him into what term a “good” school. Him feeling secure is more important.

Hi everyone thanks for all your comments. Just to be clear I haven't moved him to DS2 school and genuinely wanted to hear what people thought. Deep down, I know that the majority of you are right, I just had a glimmer of light of getting them in the same school. I know I will have to let this dream go.

Just clear up a couple of things first. DS2 was never going to stay at school no. 2, he only went there as there was literally nowhere else with a place within the borough. The results and the discipline by Yr 6 were appalling. We already had a private school route in place had a local place not become available.

Both DS1 and DS2 schools are excellent. I already have DS2 on the waiting list for DS1's school, however, we are number 4 on the list and there is very little movement, plus we are out of catchment area, so we would always be bumped down the list if someone moved into the catchment. We essentially have no hope of getting DS2 in DS2's school

We live in a small village, when we moved we got involved in all the local activities, mainly beavers and rugby so when he moved to his current school he knew about 6 people in the class. It would probably be the same in DS2's school.

The reason I know there is a place coming up is that someone is moving their children from DS2's school to DS1's school. They will be in Yr 4 and Yr 5 in September. Apparently the parents have fallen out with the school. This also means that there will be 31 children in DS1 class as I am pretty sure no one is leaving.

One thing I hadn't thought of is when children can walk themselves to school - how old do they have to be to do that?

Sorry meant to say. *DS1 was never going to stay at school no. 2, he only went there as there was literally nowhere else with a place within the borough.

Another mistake *We essentially have no hope of getting DS2 in DS1's school

But how do you know you are top of the waiting list for that space in yr 4 of ds2 school? Someone else might live closer....

I have checked with the council. There are others on the waiting list but we are the only ones within catchment therefore would be top of the list

age for walking to school depends on the child and the route. My DD has walked home from school (not every day but regularly) since p3. We are in Scotland so I think this is the same as yr2 (3rd year of school, age 7-8). 10 min walk, sensible child.

This is difficult to understand, is there something missing op? You write like you have been offered a place and it’s yours for the taking, but at the same time write like you’ve no chance, ie not top of the waiting list, no communication from school etc.

Yet you’re talking to your son, starting threads on here, what is making you so sure you will be offered the place that’s made you do this? That’s what’s missing?

I moved DD in YR4 (following divorce and a house move and despite trying to manage the much longer commute to school). She agreed to the move. It took months for her to settle and she was SO unhappy and missed her old friends. That was a year ago and she still talks far more about her old friends.

I wouldn’t move my DD again, it was a horrible time for her. In your case I wouldn’t move your son.

I was moved to several different primary schools and I never felt like I made solid friendships. You spoke to your DS about it and the response you got was that staying was he wanted. How unfair and unsettling must it feel to have to have been shifted round 4 different schools while his sibling has a lovely settled time in one.
It does sound like you've already made your mind up though to be honest

I went to 3 different primary schools and it was a disaster for my education. You shouldn't do it if your DS is happy. Was there no place for DS2 at ds1's school? That would be the better option.

Re walking: depending on the child, the route and the traffic I would say eight or nine is an appropriate age to walk home without a parent. Maybe older if the route is very busy traffic wise or very long.

However, I worked at one school which would not let primary students leave without a listed adult signing them out so your school might have its own policy.

Bloody hell - fussing about league tables and exam results (for primary school!!) and then messing around moving him all the time. And you have your other child on a waiting list too. If you are so worried about your kids' education stop messing around with it and give some stability.

He doesn't have a tight group of friends because he's been moved around so much. Also, you told him you wouldn't make him move again, and now you want to force him, even although he told you he's happy there. Sounds a bit selfish to me really.

Don’t move him
Yiu could resolve the logistics by moving DS2 to DS1’S school.

Would be unfair on him to move him yet again IMO: you and your H made your choices, affecting him, and the inconvenience of two school runs are among the consequences.