Is 46/ 47 too late for first baby?

[Everythingnotsaved]

My friend really wants a baby & is nearly 46 & would probably be 47 by the time baby came. I always read really really different views on mumsnet about babies and pregnancy and age so thought I’d ask:

Yanbu- it’s too old
Yabu- it’s entirely possible

I am assuming shes looking at donor eggs but is it just about that - what about the child too with older parents? I don’t know what I think really.

It’s not about being ‘too old’ or ageism. It’s that having any young family under 3 makes most parents feel about 104 on a good day, whatever the biological age. But it doesn’t stop there - as they grow into the tweens and teens parenting often requires even more emotional and physical energy (when your’re running them around to clubs and parties or sleeping with one eye awake ar 2am to make sure they are in safely).

I’m an older mum and I’ve loved every minute but there comes a time whe your own ability to take on the non-stop,never ending challenges of parenthood becomes problematic. Being fit and healthy when the child is born at 47 does not take into account the delights of peri and post menopausal parenting which is a whole new challenge. I’m totally for woman becoming mums at any age they choose and would support her decision. Flagging potential concerns or things to consider (for any age) does not detract from that.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

Black children born now are, appallingly, still likely to suffer racist treatment and maybe bullying throughout their lives. Do you believe that black people living in white-majority countries are also selfish to have children?

And your point is? How did we get from OP's post on her friend possibly having a baby at 47 to racism? Not relevant (unless you want to expand - I'm all ears).

She’s been going round in circles for years about it and still doesn’t seem to think there is an urgency about her situation if she wants kids This is extremely self indulgent.
I'd understand if she only met someone or had fertility issues, it is not a puppy or a last minute decision, there is a window for fertility for a reason.
For example being poor, less well educated, having health issues, no extended family nearby, etc, etc Those issues are often frowned about on mumsnet.

I have a early twenties to early teens and I am 42.
I can not imagine having another baby, it would be horrific.
Way too old, having a 60 year old as a mum when you are early teens would be awful both for the child and parent.

Way to old

OP if your friend has never had a pregnancy, how does she even know if she's still fertile? If indeed she ever was?

My father had me when he was 45 and was 47 when my sister was born. He never seemed to lack energy when we were growing up and was often thought to be younger than he was. He worked many hours, acted as club secretary in the nearby WMC s was till took the time to take us out all day out to the beach and theme parks. My mam was 33 when I was born but died when I was a teenager, my father died when I was 30. They were both excellent parents and I am so thankful I had them albeit for a shorter time than most

It's a personal choice, if she feels happy and feels she'll be able to manage it and the issues that may arise with being an older mum, then who are we to judge. It may be worth she chats to people who have had a baby a similar age and see what the pros/cons were.

I’ve put YANBU but only based on biology. If your friend finds a way to have/adopt a baby, I’m sure she’ll find a way to make it work.

I’ve had babies in my 20s and late 30s. I found it more knackering in my 20s as it was such a massive lifestyle change.

Yes and no.

I wouldnt because I am 47 and the idea of the night wakings etc (not to mention the physical toll of pregnancy) fills me with horror. Also the massive increase in the likelihood of genetic/chromosonal disorders would worry me hugely.

But.....I have six children and my eldest will be thirty this year (youngest just turned nine) so that is probably colouring my view.

If she is fit and healthy and has all the tests and care available then it is doable. Lots of people saying she might die before the kid grows up, well my friend had her child at 34 and died just before she was 40 of breast cancer so there are no guarantees.

I would think that the biggest issue is that she is basing her time line on conceiving straight away which is extremely unlikely. I am 47 as I said, and already getting night sweats and heading fast into menopause a lot earlier than I thought I would. I thought I had until 50 at least....apparently not.

Why didnt she have any earlier?

People talking on here like a random woman's choice about when to have a baby affects them and their lives

By your logic, we shouldn't discuss anything that doesn't personally affect us? That is literally what MN is for

@BeijingBikini it's the WAY some posters are writing

Oh gosh, the first 3/4 years are so physically draining, I wouldn't contemplate this in the second half of my forties.

Oh gosh, the first 3/4 years are so physically draining, I wouldn't contemplate this in the second half of my forties.

None of your business except to be a kind and supportive baby.
Pre easily accessible contraception and TOPs, there used to be lots of ‘change babies’. Most fared fine.

Before contraception became widely available it was relatively common for women to have babies well into their 40s. I think if she feels like she can do it, is financially secure and has a solid marriage then why not?

And many of those late babies had issues. Just because women didn't have much of a choice then doesn't mean it's fine to do now, especially if it's her first one. I think it's selfish just to have a baby because you "want one", no matter the risks/problems.

And your point is? How did we get from OP's post on her friend possibly having a baby at 47 to racism? Not relevant (unless you want to expand - I'm all ears).

I did exactly that in my last post.

Essentially, my point was that bullies are to blame for bullying and not their victims or the victims' parents. I'm presuming that nobody on here blames ANY victims for being bullied purely by dint of the life circumstances in which they're born....?

Early 40s, sure. Late 40s is definitely unusual, and with good reason.

The reason late 40s is unusual is because fertility drops rapidly from 40. Whether more people would choice to have a baby at that age then becomes irrelevant.

Whilst its not going to be easy either biologically or mentally ie dealing with teenage issues in her sixties I dont see the problem. So long as they have had a long think about what the next 20 odd years will involve. The most important thing is being able to give the child a secure and loving upbringing. Just because somebody is young does not mean they can give a child everything they need.

@gypsywater

People talking on here like a random woman's choice about when to have a baby affects them and their lives

Don't be daft. People are giving their personal opinions, based on the experiences of themselves, family, and friends.

Of couse, it doesn't affect my life, but I hope my story helps said random woman to make an informed choice about what might lie ahead.

Surely having a baby is selfish, at whatever age

@ivfdreaming

Far too old. Very selfish at that age

this

I think there is a big difference from early 40s to 47 even though based on numbers there’s maybe 5-7 years. 40s is pushing it so nearly 50 absolutely not.

Who knows, it might keep her young! Sadly though the chances of her carrying a healthy baby full term are lower. I think the chances of miscarriage are very high. But lots have done it. I was 36 and 39 when I had my two, I was definitely more tired the second time around. But if she hasn't even started trying yet she might be struggling a bit to conceive, even with assistance - it takes time!

Surely having a baby is always a selfish decision - the usual reasons is !I just wanted one", "felt something missing from my life", "always wanted to be a mum", "wouldn't it be fun to see what a cross between me and my husband would look like" e.t.c.

The only truly selfless reason to have kids would be "I think life is so great that I want someone else to experience it and give them the best life possible" but who really thinks that!