Is 46/ 47 too late for first baby?

[Everythingnotsaved]

My friend really wants a baby & is nearly 46 & would probably be 47 by the time baby came. I always read really really different views on mumsnet about babies and pregnancy and age so thought I’d ask:

Yanbu- it’s too old
Yabu- it’s entirely possible

I am assuming shes looking at donor eggs but is it just about that - what about the child too with older parents? I don’t know what I think really.

By your logic, we shouldn't discuss anything that doesn't personally affect us? That is literally what MN is for

Nothing wrong with giving opinions and making general points; highly unacceptable to start hurling abuse at people branding them selfish for making a perfectly natural choice for their own lives.

Suppose it was something frivolous like a thread in Telly Addicts - everybody is free to say that they love/like/dislike/hate a programme and give reasons if they wish, but I'm hoping that it wouldn't be considered in any way acceptable to start telling people with a different opinion how stupid and wrong they are for liking a programme that you personally hate. The same principle applies across all of MN.

Bernie Ecclestone is EIGHTY FUCKING NINE and there was barely a peep. Women have children their bodies are able to produce and birth at literally over 40 years younger and they are criticised. What a demented society.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll Well said.

Before contraception became widely available it was relatively common for women to have babies well into their 40s. I think if she feels like she can do it, is financially secure and has a solid marriage then why not?

In their late 40s, that's never been relatively common. My grandmother had one at 47, her 6th, 71 years ago and it was very unusual. Miscarriage rates are very high in that age bracket, if you are even still fertile and rates of things being wrong are much, much higher than in younger women, hence, why so many in this range buy eggs off other, younger women.

YANBU I think it's hard for the children of older parents. My husband's mother was in her 40s when she had him - an only child. She put a lot of pressure on me to have children because she didn't want 'to be too old to enjoy them'. I am younger than my husband and def had kids a bit earlier than I wanted (in my twenties) because of the pressure he felt from his parents. They weren't too old to enjoy them but they were too old to help with them. They have never looked after them alone for even an hour. Sadly my father in law died last year and my mother in law is now very frail and a real concern for us . . . . I feel for my husband who is caring for his mother and his young children at the same time, while grieving his father.
Still, the OP's friend has nothing on Mick Jagger, who had a baby at 73. I think that really is selfish as it's very likely the child will loose their father while still at school . . . that's a life-changing burden, why would someone wish that upon their own child?

I'm 49 and getting pregnant would be my worst nightmare at this age. We'd have to work an extra decade to pay for that choice and having just one would be pretty much unthinkable for DH.

We are firmly in teenland. In 8 -10 years with luck we will be at the end of it in terms of financial commitment and will retire.

Suppose it was something frivolous like a thread in Telly Addicts - everybody is free to say that they love/like/dislike/hate a programme and give reasons if they wish, but I'm hoping that it wouldn't be considered in any way acceptable to start telling people with a different opinion how stupid and wrong they are for liking a programme that you personally hate.

I agree that personal insults are never acceptable, but most posters I've seen here haven't been doing that. Funnily enough I have actually been called names here for saying I like certain TV shows, but let's not get onto that!

@PicsInRed

Bernie Ecclestone is EIGHTY FUCKING NINE and there was barely a peep. Women have children their bodies are able to produce and birth at literally over 40 years younger and they are criticised. What a demented society.

Plenty of people find that disgusting. But of course, men produce sperm all their lives, they are not born with a set amount as we are eggs, that age with us; they don't get pregnant, give birth, breast feed, go through menopause.

It's a no from me personally. I am having my 2nd and last at 35 and I feel old.

@gypsywater

Surely having a baby is selfish, at whatever age

Why?

Bernie Ecclestone is EIGHTY FUCKING NINE right so he's your usual father and is going to be how hands on exactly?

And most childcare doesn't fall to fathers whether that's right or not.

I only personally know one woman who had a child at that age (her third) and she has a grown-up daughter with a child not much younger than her half-sibling! The mum also super fit and 'young' thinking for her age and said child was born after a couple of miscarriages.

89 right lets all have babies up until that age then

The poster that stated “there is a fertility window for a reason” they have hit the nail on the head!

My first husbands grandpa was 37 when he was born - kind of mad in the other sense.

I had a friend growing up who had her when they her mum was 48 and her dad was 50. She hated it and got badly bullied over it.
Highly selfish to have kids at that age.

Ah yes, because the solution to bullying is to not do (or be) what the bullies are bullying you for.

I imagine if was a natural.pregnanct, which would have happened if we didn't use contraception, or could have happened been with contraception (a contraception failure).

So her parents should have used contraception or somehow avoided contraception failure to stop bullying .. what about any of the other natural, physical things (many and varied, anything really) people get bullied over, and those departures from the norm or ends of the spectrum of the norm at that time; how are they going to undo or not be those things?

No-one should learn open mindedness or tolerance. We wouldn't want a society like that, those stupid people should have used contraception or aborted, right?

I'd quite the idea of having fun teens around the house in my 60s.

Who is saying that becoming a father at 89 is fine? Most reasonable people would disapprove of that.

I agree that personal insults are never acceptable, but most posters I've seen here haven't been doing that.

No, people haven't been abusive, but calling somebody selfish for choosing to have a baby a little bit later than the average age-span is unkind in the extreme.

I completely agree with your other post that anybody having a baby at any age is a selfish thing to do. It's a natural desire and there's nothing wrong with it in principle. As you say, nobody at any age decides to have a baby for any other reason than that they want one - it's not an altruistic gift to the world!

I'm 48. The idea of another baby makes me run for the hills and I had my DD when 38, so relatively late anyway.
She's be dealing with toddler tantrums, the NO! to everything phase, a moody teenager at an age where most simply want to deal with completely different issues.
Sounds good on a paper but unless she has access to 24/7 nannies, I'd say no.

I’m probably wrong but isn’t 46-47 too old to adopt?

Oh and my best friend had older parents, was never bullied for it. No one cared or took any notice.

Bit selfish at that age. Its not really fair on the child either.

I'd love another child but I'd be 42 when the baby would be born and my husband 51...but he doesn't want anymore children.

Lots of talk on this thread about “dealing” with teenagers. That can be hard at any age. Equally, plenty of teens are a breeze to parent. Especially when they’ve been bought up in a loving, chilled out home, which many older parents are able to offer.

I think she may find it tough going. I’m 43 with two under 6 and I find it hard enough.

Someone I know who thought she couldn't have children is expecting her first at 45. She is being watched like a hawk by the obstetrician. She fell pregnant by accident. I wouldn't have kids this late.

My husband's GM had his aunt at 45, but this was in the 1960s and she was born 20 years after her oldest sibling.