Is 46/ 47 too late for first baby?

[Everythingnotsaved]

My friend really wants a baby & is nearly 46 & would probably be 47 by the time baby came. I always read really really different views on mumsnet about babies and pregnancy and age so thought I’d ask:

Yanbu- it’s too old
Yabu- it’s entirely possible

I am assuming shes looking at donor eggs but is it just about that - what about the child too with older parents? I don’t know what I think really.

too old

I know it's considered different for men but my DH is 48, we have a two year old. He's fit and healthy and I don't see him slowing down anytime soon

You can't possibly know that though. Dealing with a toddler at not quite 50 is not the same as dealing with teenagers when you're old enough for a bus pass. Maybe your husband will still be very healthy and active then, but most people slow down considerably as they approach that age.

Oh god yes that's too old. You would not know what's hit u.

Depends.
Is she fit and healthy? Is she well-supported--financially, socially? If she can afford it and can take the time off, has support, is physically-able and aware of the implications of being an older mother and possible risks to the child, both socially and physically, it's something for her to weigh up.

But you really shouldn’t take any notice if anyone on social media.

And OP, it’s not really any of your business either

I have a friend who had a baby at 46 - she’s 70 now, full of life and vigour as she has always been and has a great relationship with her now 24 year old. But this wasn’t her first child, she had two much older from a previous marriage so knew what was involved at the various life stages,

The chances of actually conceiving then are very reduced, though,

So much ageism 🙄

If you can conceive naturally and carry to term (and very few can) it's not 'too old'.

Dial it forward a few years and think of a 13 year old with a 60 year old mum...
Don't do it, it's unfair.

I had a friend growing up who had her when they her mum was 48 and her dad was 50. She hated it and got badly bullied over it.
Highly selfish to have kids at that age.

Did she hate it for other reasons or because of the bullying? Either way, the only person to blame for bullying is the bully - and bullies should not be allowed to dictate how other people live their lives. Black children born now are, appallingly, still likely to suffer racist treatment and maybe bullying throughout their lives. Do you believe that black people living in white-majority countries are also selfish to have children?

Can we not use black people as a way to prove a point ffs, they’re not there to cement an opinion.

Um... I'm 48 and my DC are 18 and 16.

I regularly have unprotected sex with DP on the grounds that we are too old to conceive (I am evidently well into perimenopause).

There is nothing on this planet that would convince me that having a baby now would be a good thing.

I have repeatedly read things about women's hormones changing during (peri)menopause. Apparently we become "more like men", and lose all the nurturing hormones.

I've certainly lost mine.

FWIW, I'm not interested in babies, and I love toddlers. I could probably cope with a toddler now, because they are so brilliant - but not all the stuff that comes before and after toddlerhood. I couldn't be less interested in all of that.

Each to their own, though.

Surely it's the business of noone but them? Why are you so bothered OP? Bothered enough to create a thread?

People used to die in their 60s. Now people live for decades longer and 50 today is totally different from a generation ago. Go for it. No one else's business

My mum became as Granny to my eldest Dd age 47, it's way to late to be thinking about starting a family at such an old age.

Personally for me that’s too old. I’m mid 40’s and couldn’t contemplate starting from scratch. Energy levels now might be ok - but being nearly 60 with only a 10yo? My youngest is 11 and they are still hard work even then and then there’s the teens and early 20’s when they still need support. That’s pushing the Mums age to nearly 70! I even got my puppy a couple years back so he’d been old and calm by time I was older lol.

All that said - I am looking forward to being a grandparent one day but I’d not want to do the hard part again.

Lots of men have kids at that age and no one seems to think it’s old?

I haven't read the whole thread so can only offer a personal view. I was 43 when I had my only child. So he was 7 when I turned 50 and DH had a health crisis, and came close to dying; that was not a great phase of our lives. And I was 60 when he was 17. Between 18-20 were not good years for DS, growing up the only child of elderly parents isn't ideal, especially because it has had to go hand-in-hand with holding POA for an elderly parent with dementia. DS and I are very similar temperamentally and are very close, and from my point of view it has been totally worthwhile. But I am not confident saying that DS thinks his parents have been great at every stage. When DS was small it was fairly easy: I was in great health and very fit so physically I coped with ease. It was harder when DS reached 18 and didn't have an obvious direction in life. I think we're all moving on as adults now, but to your friend considering having a child at 47 I think I would say, please think very very hard about it. There is a biological reason that people have children in their 20s and 30s, and social reasons too. None of them are insurmoumtable but I'd advise that 45 is the very last chance saloon.

My mum was 48 when she fell pregnant with me. I was one of those last burst of fertility before menopause babies. Dad was 55.

I had a great relationship with dad, not so much with mum. Dad died when I was 12 and mum became progressively more disabled with MS. I do have older siblings, but no one got on with mum so I was an only child in practice.

But that was my parents and my circumstances. There are so many variables and so many ways parents of all ages could stuggle...

I wouldn't though.

My Dad was 45 when my youngest sibling was born. He’s now 70, my youngest sibling is 25 - I am late 30s (so my Dad was early 30s when me and my other siblings were born).

There’s been no real difference in our upbringings. Plenty of my sibling’s friends have parents a similar age.

I have primary school age children and parents range in age from early 20s to early 50s. Average age is probably mid to late 30s.

I don’t think there is a one size fits all answer to this question; obviously health issues are more likely as you get older so things like a good support network and good life insurance are more important in case you need them.

But I wouldn’t discount having a child purely based on age. There are too many variables for it to be black and white.

Yes it's too old.
My parents had me at 44 and throughout school when other kids saw my mum they'd say "is that your grandma?" which was so so embarrassing. For me and my mum.
How I'm early 30s dealing with a frail, ill father and my mum died in my 20s - that's something you expect to deal with in your 50s or 60s, not your 30s.

If you are too old to get pregnant without donor eggs you are too old to be having a baby. It is different when some people need to use donor eggs but are still within normal age of still menstruating.

Is 46/ 47 too late for first baby?

I HOPE SO.

I'm older and it's harder but don't let that be the reason to not have DC.

I'm older and it's harder but don't let that be the reason to not have DC.