Is 46/ 47 too late for first baby?

[Everythingnotsaved]

My friend really wants a baby & is nearly 46 & would probably be 47 by the time baby came. I always read really really different views on mumsnet about babies and pregnancy and age so thought I’d ask:

Yanbu- it’s too old
Yabu- it’s entirely possible

I am assuming shes looking at donor eggs but is it just about that - what about the child too with older parents? I don’t know what I think really.

You can lose a parent at any age though. My dad was late 20s when I was born, developed cancer when I was in primary school and died before I graduated univeristy. My mum on the other hand was 35 (which was considered equally shocking as 45 today I think), and is still going strong in her 70s.

I think older mums are great - especially those with an established career are a strong role model for their daughters.

Well I'm 46 and whilst I'm still physically able to have children (as far as I know), there's no way on earth I would have any more. But then I already have two so I know what it entails.

I don't think its too old if its your first - not in 2021 - however her body may say otherwise, so all you can do is support her.

@Buggerthebotox

I was 42 and conceived naturally. It was fine. DD is fine. Financially well-established with the wisdom and experience of being older. I was tired, sure, and menopausal. It wasn't perfect, but no parenting experience is.

Personally I think your friend IS a little too old, especially if it's a first child. If you already have one, you are at least prepared.

I'm staggered though at the implications on this thread (typical of MN) that anyone above the age of 40 is knackered and over the hill. It really is not true. I'm 61 and still making a useful contribution to society being in work full time, fit and active and, I hope, relevant for a few years yet.

Agreed with you - I know lots of mums who've had DC in their late 30s - so 37 and onwards and into their early to mid 40s.

Martha Lane-Fox had twins at 43 with surrogate eggs.

I saw my second cousin yday at a funeral, don't see them that much, she's a second mum at 38 to her 6 month old and a 2 year old.

A close friend of mine also had her first baby girl last year at 45. She'd had a miscarriage sadly at 41 but decided to push ahead.

She was lucky she got pregnant but is half Argentinian/half Causcasian (so she didn't know about fertility etc on her parents sides) and was adopted as a young girl by a doctor's family.

Correction in my first line: physically I didnt feel any different having my youngest to having my eldest!

Yes it is insane. However, your friend would do anyway is that is what she is wanting to do.

Not ideal perhaps, but then is it any different to someone having a baby at 30 not taking cars of themselves, ie eating unhealthy, no exercise etc then end up feeling/looking older before their time?!

Someone 46 could be healthier than someone 36. As long as they live until the child is 20 and they get to adulthood then they’ve done they’d job. So 65? M sure someone that felt they had the energy to have a baby at 46 would still have plenty of life left at 65.

It’s not so much the baby at 47, but the 13 year old at 60, 18 at 65....

I have answered to many of these threads in my time...I always feel annoyed when people say things like you are insane, way too old etc etc. It is so rude. I was 45 (not my choice to only start then, had multiple miscarriages). I was not insane nor way too old. I am 57 now and don't expect to be decrepid by 65.

OOps realised this is a bit of an old thread, sorry

Well I'm that age and no way would I even think about it.

I’m 53 and my youngest is 11. I wasn’t the oldest mum at the junior school gates, another was 2 years older than me. And I’m not living in a trendy city.

I’d do it again at this age ! I’m still chasing tuna so it’s conceivable theoretically (Ooh, a pun!) but obviously them eggs are too old now, plus my prolapse would arrive before the baby.

Those saying you’d never have enough energy, unless you’re particularly obese and sedentary your energy levels may flag a bit in your 50s during peri and menopause,

but that only really translates to a few achy joints, possibly needing a short evening nap if you’re an early riser, and pesky but minor inconveniences such as ‘baby brain’ equivalent trying to remember names and appointments, or maybe that’s just me. Yeah you’ll be tired, but so are 30 year old women working their socks off in warehouses or care homes, so your age is irrelevant. Some 20 year olds have lazyitis and can’t get off the sofa.

There’s women jogging for miles, kayaking, paddleboarding, playing tennis and so on in their 50s, so not having the energy is irrelevant, you’re just marginally slower at doing stuff than in your 40s.

Being 57 with a child in junior school ain’t no thang these days.
Being 67 with a 20 year old. Meh. Someone to look after the house whilst you retire and go travelling. A practical bonus.

Beware that first babies at that age especially if with IVF, the chance of twins becomes a factor.

@MotherOfCrocodiles

You can lose a parent at any age though. My dad was late 20s when I was born, developed cancer when I was in primary school and died before I graduated univeristy. My mum on the other hand was 35 (which was considered equally shocking as 45 today I think), and is still going strong in her 70s.

I think older mums are great - especially those with an established career are a strong role model for their daughters.

Exactly this. A parent can die at any age and there’s no guarantee they’ll be around until adult ‘child’ is 50 regardless of what age you have them.

Having one at 46/47 would mean they’re 65 or so wen child is 18 at which point they’re an adult. Statistically even having a child at 46, you’ll still be around until they’re about 35.....

I don't think it's too old especially if she has no children. Conceiving might be difficult though. I had my only birth child at 42 and it was fine. I coped better than a lot of my younger peers. There were also more women in my age bracket on the labour ward than younger women so I'd be positive and supportive.

I had my first baby at 45 and my second at 47. Both were donor egg conceived with my DHs sperm after many years of infertility and recurrent miscarriages. Both pregnancies/births were absolutely fine.

My kids are now 6 and 4. Am I tired? Yes I am - 2 older step kids and the 2 little ones and both working full time through various lock downs has been hard work! Are we happy - absolutely!

Both my husband and I work hard at keeping fit and healthy for now and the future. We have a wide social group of younger parents with kids the same age as well as older parents. Life is busy but really good. All the siblings have a great relationship and although it's a shame their grandparents can't spend too much time with them ( it tires them out)- they are all alive and well and involved in their lives.

We are financially solvent, have a very nice life and All the kids all have many opportunities I didn't have growing up. We can afford additional support such as childcare and a cleaner to help manage the house work load which leaves us with more time and energy to spend with the kids.

I would have loved to be able have babies earlier but it wasn't meant to be. I suffered many heart breaking losses before accepting it wasn't going to work. I am eternally grateful to our donor for making it possible for to become a mum. My kids are amazing and happy.

Have people not noticed that this is a zombie thread from July last year or do they not care?

I had mine aged 39 and 44. 46/47 is fairly old for a first child, but if your friend's body is up to it and she is in good health then why not. Parents can die at any age - my DH's mum had him and his sister & brother in her 20's but died aged 35.

I see this is an old thread that's popped up again - OP has your friend had any success?

Had one at 42 and second at 44. Has worked well for me, and I think kids have had a good lifestyle and are good socially. I do not think there is one right answer to the right time to have kids. Honestly it is what is right for you. On average, I would expect to live to my mid 80s (no guarantees, but this is an average predicted by fairly sophisticated software), so it does mean that my kids will have had forty years with me at least.

Menopause at 45

@Wombatstew

What is too old is this ZOMBIE thread from Jul 20.

Baby is probably born by now. 'Adopt or get a dog' poster will be disappointed.

My DM was 38 and DF 46 when I arrived 8 years after the youngest of my 3 siblings. This was in the 60s and I always felt cheated that I had 'older' parents and vowed i wouldn't do that myself. My DF died when I was in my 20s and I had sole responsibility for an aging mother and I found it hard work and she was only 38 when she had me.

Granted, women are having their 1st babies older nowadays but I feel 47 is too old and not fair on the child.

How do Zombie threads come back again ?

Would not dream of it. Not because of the baby but because of teenage years . My kids are 17 and 19, I am 55. It has been a nightmare and I think I would have dealt with it more easily if I were younger.

@theDudesmummy

I have answered to many of these threads in my time...I always feel annoyed when people say things like you are insane, way too old etc etc. It is so rude. I was 45 (not my choice to only start then, had multiple miscarriages). I was not insane nor way too old. I am 57 now and don't expect to be decrepid by 65.

I agree and think that although I'd have preferred to have been a mum younger (got pregnant at 17, abortion etc and other pregnancy stuff) if you are pregnant when you're late 30's or 40's you can still be a good mother.

There was a funeral yday for someone I went to school with who was 48 when he died - had kids - my own dad died suddenly at 51 - you can die at any time or live to a good age and be healthy too.

There are lots of medical advances now re conceiving older with or without donor eggs.

@Pyewackect

How do Zombie threads come back again ?

someone finds them and resurrects them.

often not great if you don't find out what happened to OP but can be useful if e.g. now as lots have responded.

I had my dc2 when I was 38 and we decided to stop there but fell pregnant again (unplanned) at 42 and dc3 was born when I turned 43. I'm totally drained. I honestly think 46 it's too old to start.