Is 46/ 47 too late for first baby?

[Everythingnotsaved]

My friend really wants a baby & is nearly 46 & would probably be 47 by the time baby came. I always read really really different views on mumsnet about babies and pregnancy and age so thought I’d ask:

Yanbu- it’s too old
Yabu- it’s entirely possible

I am assuming shes looking at donor eggs but is it just about that - what about the child too with older parents? I don’t know what I think really.

I'm 45 and know that my body just wouldn't cope with it.
I had my first at 23 and my 4th at 35. I noticed a massive difference in my first and 4th pregnancies!
However, we are all different, and I certainly wouldn't judge anyone for having a baby at that age.

Yes.. I think its too old. It's only about what the mother wants and not about what the child needs. Health problems increase in your 60s and imagine being that teenager worried about your mother's health and worry about them dying. Children need their parents and they want to have their parents around when they have children of their own. Chances if that happening decreases with age. It's a fact.

whilst I wouldnt judge someone for making this decision outwardly, inwardly I would be a bit.

I think its foolish to pretend there's no major difference at that age then say your 20s or 30s. but I had my child at 25 so who knows how I would feel if I still hadnt had children at that age and was desperate to.

Know someone who was 53 when she had her baby. Conceived naturally with her new husband who is about 5 years younger than her. The child is very demanding. Mum has aged and has found it extremely challenging. She is now 62 with an 8/9 year old son and looks like his Granny when she collects him from school. Sorry for the harshness, but it is the truth! Raising children is tough and that is why our bodies are conditioned to bear babies in our most 'fertile' years.

I think its too old personally, and I say that as an older Mum. I had Dd at 37, and have longed for another but after a miscarriage at 40, it hasn't happened. I'm 45 soon and I feel that I'm too old for another at this age, more so because I don't want to die when my child is still fairly young. Plus running the increased risk of birth defects. Its not worth it IMO. But everyone is different.

I know I couldn't do it. But if I did my main concerns would be that if the child was healthy it would be so exhausting and if the child had additional needs (which is common as you get older) how I would cope.

Far too old.

It is guaranteed that child will be responsible for very elderly parents by the time they are thirty at the latest.

I'd say adoption of an older child would be a far more viable option if they wish to become parents.

I asked my DS sth similar on a walk recently and being a reticent 16 year old I wasn't expecting much of an answer (mainly grunts these days) : he simply said he was glad I'd had him and his sister in my twenties because that meant we'd have more time together.

His words.

I am sure all this has been said, but I think over 40 is too old but definitely over 45. And the risks of a child having a disability are much greater, so you're not just older, but having to deal with a child with additional needs too.

I am 49 and a lady who was in my year group at school had her second baby last year - I was quite shocked, I hadn't even realised you could get pregnant this late in life! She might have had IVF I guess. Also I vaguely know someone through work who mentioned she was on maternity leave. I was a bit surprised as I thought she had mentioned adult children, and when I looked her up on LinkedIn she was at uni when I was, so presumably about the same age too.

And another friend I was at uni with had her first child at 46 and her son does have problems. Of course she could have had him at 26 and he might have had problems, but it's much less likely.

It's not unknown but not very advisable.

The problem is the sweet spot for having kids is 30-35, and that's not great when you are building a career. And of course you need to meet someone you want kids with.

@Sakura7

It's not fair on the child. I say this as someone whose oldest parent was a couple of years younger than your friend when I was born.

I had to deal with dementia, cancer and death at a younger age than any of my friends. It's very isolating, especially to an only child (or child with much older siblings). There is also a huge cultural difference.

My patent was 44 when they had me, didn't get unwell until 80. So 36 years of being ok. I understand that I was still young but I'd rather have had old fella than young disinterested parent.

Op it depends of the individual. As a woman it's old for first baby but if she's reasonably healthy, engaged in wanting to parent then there's far worse ideas.

I think early 40's is one thing, but 47 is too late as hard as that might be to accept.

*but I'd rather have had old fella than young disinterested parent
*
Bit confused. Are you assuming younger parents don't bond with their children?

I'd love another baby but I am 42, my husband is 51 and doesn't want anymore children because of his age. I know two friends who have had children at 45. Both very happy with no regrets.

Up to her. People have had babies naturally at that age. Why not.

These threads always suggest that losing a parent in your 20s or 30s is so bad it makes it not worth being born. I lost both parents in my mid 20s. Was it sad? Of course, it was. Would I prefer things to have been different? Of course! Did it make me wish I'd never been born? No. They were good parents who gave me a loving upbringing - something not everyone can say, regardless of their age. It's always sad when a parent dies, and watching friends cope with parents with declining health when they themselves are in their 50s with teen kids is certainly no fun either.

I think if she would be a good parent and is fully informed she should make her own choice on this.

It's up to her, but god no. I'm 45, not unhealthy and I simply don't have the energy levels for it. I can completely see now why if you do want children you should have them in your 20's, you need that energy only youth brings. I mean maybe if you really really want it you'd find it easier, but I just can not imagine how hard it would be.

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

No far too old. It's possible, but she would be 60 when the child is 13. Very unfair on the child.

I don't understand this. Having a mother a little older than everyone elses mother is worse than not existing at all? Hardly.

My mother had dc across 20 years from age 25 to 45. She was 41 and worked up to a week before she had me , as she had with the rest. When she had my younger sister she was in hospital for a couple of months with serious health issues.

The chances are slim for your friend to have a successful pregnancy.

There are always outliers to statistical data sets. I’m sure there are 47 year olds that can still run multiple marathons and pop out babies but they are the exception. I’m still quite healthy for my age but if you said lets go on a hike of 21 miles which is what I used to do I would think no thanks let’s do 15.

@swimlittlefishy - exactly. The choice is not have an older parent or a younger parent, but have an older parent or not exist at all. If a child has a good and caring older parent surely aren't they already luckier than the many children who have uncaring or abusive parents of any age?

Looks like the usual mean girls pounced on the thread to throw around insults and their judgemental views.
It's not selfish to want a baby in your late 40s nor is it stupid to want one. My aunt didn't have her first baby until she was 44 years old and he second at 49! Yes she was older and suffered a bit more than younger people might have but she's not 58 and has never looked back. My mum (her sister) had us in her early 20s and was very against it. She said it was exhausting being young and fit and my aunt would be stupid to have a baby when she was closer to menopause than anything. But she's been a fanatic mum and her children are so polite and loved and haven't missed out on anything.
She did have IVF for her second baby and the pregnancy was tough for her, she had to have a c-section and had to stay in hospital for 5 weeks after complications and it was really trying for her. But now she's got a 14 year old and her youngest about to turn 9 and they haven't missed out on anything and they run rings round their mum like any children and she gets on with it.

Your friend should do what she feels is right. If she has a good support network around her and is confident she can handle it (along with the complications that might come with it) then I hope the people around her can be supportive.

Silly idea.

So @KarensChoppyBob us children of older parents and particularly mothers would be better off not being born?

As that's what you are saying.

Wow , you've umped to a massive conclusion there Red, not what I was saying at all - I was giving my son's opinion. Maybe reread?

*jumped

I'm 47. Children are 11 and 8. No way would I want a baby now. Am permanently exhausted - can't imagine starting again. She could adopt or get a dog?