Is 46/ 47 too late for first baby?

[Everythingnotsaved]

My friend really wants a baby & is nearly 46 & would probably be 47 by the time baby came. I always read really really different views on mumsnet about babies and pregnancy and age so thought I’d ask:

Yanbu- it’s too old
Yabu- it’s entirely possible

I am assuming shes looking at donor eggs but is it just about that - what about the child too with older parents? I don’t know what I think really.

The menopause is shattering and exhausting and everything changes then.
Let alone with an energetic child.

Everyone is so mean with their 'way too old'.

If a bloke was a dad at 46, would you say the same?

Sorry but I think it's appalling the ageism towards women in this.

Guys are picking up from the pre-school school gates aged 65 and that's all lovely and what a nice man. If a woman did that it would be all hushed comment, rolling eyes and outright horror.

And here we are talking 48/9 at the school gates. And early 50s.

I hate that. And it comes from women, too.

@Magictreegossip

Too old. Not fair to the child. Adoption is an option, maybe adoption an idea

Why is adopting a baby at 46 more fair on that child than giving birth to one?

@LunaLula83

God yes! And nothing to do with you

Hurray!

Yes, this.

If a bloke was a dad at 46, would you say the same

The man wouldn’t be the one going through the risky pregnancy though would he? Or potentially being very close to going through the menopause when child is young? Surely that’s why a lot of people are saying too old and not just for the sake of it.

@Parkerwhereareyou

Everyone is so mean with their 'way too old'.

If a bloke was a dad at 46, would you say the same?

Sorry but I think it's appalling the ageism towards women in this.

Guys are picking up from the pre-school school gates aged 65 and that's all lovely and what a nice man. If a woman did that it would be all hushed comment, rolling eyes and outright horror.

And here we are talking 48/9 at the school gates. And early 50s.

I hate that. And it comes from women, too.

Maybe you don’t judge men for that but I certainly would. I think a lot of people would be secretly judging a 65 father of preschool aged children.

At the risk of commenting too much - I thought god yes she can if she likes - but I see it was god no she can't!

It's none of our business. Her body, her life. Choice should be respected at all ages.

I had a “surprise” baby at 45 after a 21 year gap . A relatively easy pregnancy as I was quite fit and still played competitive sport. His dad is the same age as me. I would not be without my son for a minute but the teen years have been hard as his dad turned into an old man and has MH issues. They have constantly clashed as his dad wants to be a fifties style parent! Eventually it got so bad my son and I had to leave with all the upheaval that entails and I am having to fight for my share of the house when I should be preparing to retire. My son seems to also be prone to anxiety and depression but has grown into a lovely young man . His older siblings are old enough to be his parents but they all have a fab relationship. I know it’s easy to say, as I have children,but nature stops us having children at a certain age for a reason .

At 47 you are old enough to be a granny. For me, it is definitely a big NO. It is not fair on the DC and at that age, it is a purely selfish decision.

@OldieMama

I had my first at 40, second at 46. The second wasn't planned. Both are such a joy. I have more energy and patience than ever.

You haven’t been a mum I’m your 20s or early-mid 30s so you can’t compare your energy levels. How old are your DC? I have a couple of friends (in our 20s) who either lost their DM, or their parents are really old with health issues. Their parents won’t meet or have a long time to spend with their grandchildren. They also had to deal with the whole “is that your grandma?” confusion.

My parents were in their early 20s and are in their late 40s now. They were actively involved in my schooling and personal life and never really tired. There wasn’t much of a generational gap (I’m the generation below them) so they understood me. I love seeing my grandparents who are in their 70s.

She could be peri-menopausal already in which case her energy levels could dip massively just as she's got an active toddler to contend with.

@Parkerwhereareyou

Everyone is so mean with their 'way too old'.

If a bloke was a dad at 46, would you say the same?

Sorry but I think it's appalling the ageism towards women in this.

Guys are picking up from the pre-school school gates aged 65 and that's all lovely and what a nice man. If a woman did that it would be all hushed comment, rolling eyes and outright horror.

And here we are talking 48/9 at the school gates. And early 50s.

I hate that. And it comes from women, too.

Yes it’s ridiculous, you are all acting like she’s going to squeeze a human out of her body or something! And following that straight up with sleepless nights!

Or acting as though men can and do bigger off - the very thought!

And as for the notion that women’s mental/physical health generally takes a hit with menopause - so so sexist

It is definitely quite old for a mum. Dads can get away with it more I think because they are not carrying/ breastfeeding the baby so don't have that stress on their body. But it will be demanding on both parents at that age. Does she have a partner to help her?

It also depends on her and her energy levels of course - some people in their mid/late 40's have the same energy as 20 and 30 year olds. It will be a bit sad for the child though to have an older mum and face looking after an elderly parent when they are only in their 30's.

There's a lot to consider for sure, but the drive to have a child can be so strong. It sounds like you are trying to be supportive whatever she decides and that is the best thing you can do.

Kind of think you should mind your own business.

The joy of mumsnet

I had my dc at 19 and 24. I'm 38 now and I don't think I could hack having a baby now let alone 47. I know no one knows how long they've got but having a baby later in life greatly increases the chance of the dc losing their parents at a young age or having to care for them plus I have no where near the energy I had back then but thats just me

Unless this is a reverse, I never really understand the objective of these kind of posts. No one can make a true decision about how hard something will be unless they are the one making the decision. If you are a true friend, you’ll leave your friend to make her choice and be there to help whatever the outcome. Life is too short to predict what life might or might be like for someone else.

Personally I think it’s too old so have clicked on YANBU

The chance of complications with the pregnancy are high for both baby and mother. The chance of the child losing a parent whilst they are still a child is much higher too, I wouldn’t want my child going through losing a parent at such a young age. The risk of DS is high and being a parent of 2 disabled children I know for a fact that raising another in my late 40’s would be bloody hard work.

I am that age with tweens and perimenopause . It can be exhausting and I think a new baby would be very hard indeed . Being a parent has been the most amazing experience though and I can fully understand why she would want to . She needs to have her eyes open and a plan should anything happen to her before her child is an adult .

But isn't it just up to each individual? Shouldn't we respect their choice and them?

Being older doesn't mean necessarily that you have less energy and find it harder to cope. Maybe I'm lucky but I haven't experienced that yet. And I thing for many women pregnancy is an amazing time, with a v special energy. None of us can say how it will be for another person. We can't say it will be bad.

If someone wanted to go for it, at their very last chance, I wouldn't feel it my place to say they shouldn't.

And let's face it, her chances of a successful pregnancy are now most likely much reduced, unfortunately. I would just say hey sure go for it and see what happens.

Zombie thread. OP’s friend might have had a baby by now! Come back and update us @Everythingnotsaved

I’m 47 and whilst I can’t think of anything I’d like less than having a baby now that mine are older I can’t see any issue at all. People are acting like 47 is close to geriatric. I absolutely am not too tired or too out of touch to have a baby. I doubt I could conceive but to look after abs mother a newborn and still be able to do it in my 60’s. Can’t see why not.

And 47 being grandparent age. Not in my world, most of us still have primary age kids although to be fair, mainly KS2

@FrozenVag
"And as for the notion that women’s mental/physical health generally takes a hit with menopause - so so sexist"

No, biological.
I think it was sexist to expect women to just deal with it because every woman goes through it. There is a massive change in your body during menopause. You might not feel it as much as some women, but it's happening. The mental side has only started to be discussed more over the last ten years. A few celebrities spoke out about their menopause induced anxiety, Carol Vordeman being one. HRT has improved, but GPs are still behind in their training. Anxiety is now enough for HRT to be prescribed. The antidepressants often prescribed won't help and carry greater risks than HRT. You can come out the other side, just as you were, or often more confident, but support to do that is needed. It links in to the lack of research in women's health and heart attack risks, as we age, which menopause contributes to.

That sounds utterly exhausting! And actually quite selfish on the child

I had my last period at 45!