Is 46/ 47 too late for first baby?

[Everythingnotsaved]

My friend really wants a baby & is nearly 46 & would probably be 47 by the time baby came. I always read really really different views on mumsnet about babies and pregnancy and age so thought I’d ask:

Yanbu- it’s too old
Yabu- it’s entirely possible

I am assuming shes looking at donor eggs but is it just about that - what about the child too with older parents? I don’t know what I think really.

You may be right, at that. Maybe I've allowed myself to become blinkered by the three word replies.

@KittyHawke80

You may be right, at that. Maybe I've allowed myself to become blinkered by the three word replies.

I get that, it's easy to do. Frustrates me too because those kind of comments just lower the standard of the conversation.

I had my second and last child at 46. Natural conception.
He is 6 now. We are doing fine

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

Some of the comments on here are really horrid, with people who were fortunate enough to have the right set of circumstances at a relatively young age telling those who are a bit older that they want to pull up the rope ladder and that they're unreasonable for wanting the same thing when they're able to.

I was one of the last years to get free university tuition - it would be like me telling younger people (or those my age or older who were not yet ready to go) that maybe they should just accept that the possibility of university isn't for them.

We were fortunate enough to get our feet on the housing ladder before prices started going crazy, and we were married younger than average and so were able to buy together as a couple too - does that mean that others who want to do the same now should just be smugly told that maybe owning a home at some point in their lives 'just isn't for them'?

I think “ right circumstances” is a misnomer. Lots of babies are convinced outside of the right circumstances. It doesn’t make deciding your circumstances are “ right” at 47 to start trying, a good idea.

Having a baby isn’t going to Uni ( which everyone can do as it costs nothing until afterwards and you are earning reasonable wages) or buying a house which most could do if they made it the number one priority in life.

It’s creating a life. It’s inherently a lottery. You might have enough, perfect man etc but never get pregnant. Or completely the opposite.
Deciding to have a child right at the end of viability incurring massive jump in health risks to the child seems pretty selfish, How is that the “right circumstances”?

I would differentiate women who become pregnant randomly later in life because that’s the lottery of it again, But making the choice is pretty self serving imo.

No far too old. It's possible, but she would be 60 when the child is 13. Very unfair on the child.

I had my children in my forties as did my mother, 60 is the new 40. I see no problem at all it’s all about the right attitude

My friend had her 2nd child at 46 using donor eggs, unfortunately she got breast cancer 18mths later and died within 8months. Some of the doctors said it could of been because of all the treatment/ extra hormones, we will never know.

60 is the new 40?!

@user135664323455

Talk us through what being a friend means to you.

I thought this too.

The question asked was whether 46/47 is too old to have a baby, so there’s bound to be positive and negative replies, depending in people’s experiences.

@Dawninglory

My friend had her 2nd child at 46 using donor eggs, unfortunately she got breast cancer 18mths later and died within 8months. Some of the doctors said it could of been because of all the treatment/ extra hormones, we will never know.

I know children and adults with younger mothers whose mothers died from breast cancer when they were tiny.

I know it may be shocking to you but if you have a sibling/siblings who lost a parent when small people tend to be more open in telling you their own experience.

I had my son at 40, I'm now 48...found it incredibly tiring and hard work ...getting pregnant now horrifies me ...

Had my second pregnancy at 41 with twins. I am now 51 and they are 10. I am very active and keep fit. I am okay but recognise that they will be young when dealing with me as an older parent. The idea of having a child without a partner and siblings, might be very hard on the child. I know we hope to live to an ripe old age and healthy, but the likely hood is possibly not.

Redrum. On these threads people always refer to parents they knew who does young and make it seem like you are just as likely to. Die at 25 as you are at 55. That is simply not true.

The probably o getting breast cancer at 50 is about forty times higher than at 20.

It is a sad reality of becoming a parent later in life and something everyone should consider. I am not saying don’t do it in case you die, but be aware of the odds and be sure you plan accordingly.

Says by young parents die too is true, but it is much less likely and totally ignores the reality if the aging process.

I absolutely would not advise any woman start later than early 40s- too fraught with risk, high miscarriage risk, unfair on the child and too, too knackering.

YANBU - I am the child of parents who were this age and here I am at 35, parents long gone and I desperately need support through my current circumstances. Losing parents at 26 sent me spiraling out of control. I paid the price for them wanting a life before kids.
In my personal opinion, speaking from the best experience possible, it's selfish. Very self-serving.
If I haven't had another child by next year (unlikely) then I will not be having anymore past 36, definitely not.

My husband's mum was 47 when she had him. He was very spoiled and loved. However sadly he was 15 when his dad died and 21 when his mum died.
He became his mum's carer in her later years and struggled with friendships etc

@Alwaysinpain that's so sad I hope you find the support you need.

@scotsllb Thankyou. So do I.....
All my extended family are also long dead. I really wish people would realise the long term effects of late parenting. When times are hard, I honestly feel abandoned

Maybe we should also take into account socio-economic status in this. I find the gap in life expectancy quite depressing in the UK e.g a female in Camden will on average live to 87.0 whereas a female in Glasgow will on average live to 78.8.

To the people saying invalidating people's experiences with older parents by saying "but we're all embarrassed of our parents", I had a young mum (early 20s) and was always really proud of it and thought it was so cool that we were closer in age, especially at parents evening. I was never embarrassed. I think there is a lot of dismissing people's actual lived experience going on, just because it's something you don't want to hear so you pretend it's rubbish.

It’s possible for women in their late 40s to conceive naturally because not all women start menopause that young. However, speak to some teens/adults of elderly parents. Find out their story, rather than from the mothers of young children. Get the full picture. I have young parents, but I have friends who’s parents were double my parents’ age when they got pregnant. As teens/adults they have found it difficult. Also, there are increased risks for mother and baby when you’re in your 40s. Just have to weigh that up.

I am a grandparent carer age 58. My gs's are 18 and 15. It was fine when I was 40 as they lived with me as babies, but I feel sorry for them that I am not younger. I am always surprised that they are not embarrassed by me when we go shopping or walking etc but they look shocked if I mention this. No-one is bothered. Some people think they are mine which is funny.

I always remember being faintly embarassed by my older parents as I was adopted. I always remember a girl at primary school saying "God your mum is really old..."

You may manage ok in your forties but they soon become your fifties and as you get older you get health issues. I have arthritis despite keeping fit and keeping my weight down. My DH has numerous health issues. It is part of getting older and it is a lottery. Lately I feel I have been pushing myself to fulfil my role so to speak and I have been a bit grumpy. But I look at my younger gs in particular and how he thanks me for little things I do.

I sometimes feel resentful over the worry I have for them both as rather than the physical side, it is the normal worries we all have for our children. I actually find that the hardest.

I am afraid to say that 46 is too old. I have brought up a second family and you really do run out of steam. At weekend my youngest dd told me that it was now time to start caring for ourselves and not everyone else and perhaps it is time to retire.

However, speak to some teens/adults of elderly parents. Find out their story, rather than from the mothers of young children. Get the full picture.

Absolutely. Sadly, as evidenced by this thread, people won't seek out this perspective (and will flatly reject it if it's presented to them). They only want to hear from the people who say 'go for it' and if you have a different opinion you must be mean, judgemental and ageist. Real trauma is dismissed, and we're told that we're overly sensitive, negative people who should be grateful we were born at all. And we're the mean ones?

I can only offer my perspective as a child of parents who married late (aged 30) and didn't start a family for a good few years after marriage.
As a child my school friends thought my dad was my grandad and to be fair it was natural for them to assume this given that he was in the same age range as their own grandparents. I did at first correct them but I was never believed when I said he was my dad, everyone thought I was joking!

Unfortunately my mum died when I was 3 and my dad when I was 25.
I'm in my 40's now and my parents would be nearing 100 if they were still alive.
I'd have loved for my own children to have a grandparent/grandchild relationship.
So I would definitely say that there does come a point when someone is too old whether they are male or female.

we're told that we're overly sensitive, negative people who should be grateful we were born at all.

I just don’t understand this idea that parents owe their children some kind of ‘ideal’ experience. Why?

My friends mother is disabled, should she not have had her? There were a lot of things her mother couldn’t do with her growing up. My friend got bullied for it too, because children can be little shits.

Everyone of us could have had more ‘ideal’ parents, whether that’s richer, better educated, better connected, better looking, more extended family.

My parents never had much money. That impacted our childhood significantly, but I never thought to hold it against them. It’s just your lot in life.