Is 46/ 47 too late for first baby?

[Everythingnotsaved]

My friend really wants a baby & is nearly 46 & would probably be 47 by the time baby came. I always read really really different views on mumsnet about babies and pregnancy and age so thought I’d ask:

Yanbu- it’s too old
Yabu- it’s entirely possible

I am assuming shes looking at donor eggs but is it just about that - what about the child too with older parents? I don’t know what I think really.

Sorry, that should say "a woman who becomes a mother when she is in her late 40's"

Nowadays- fine. We are fitter for longer. The only problem is she might find it difficult to conceive.

@myblackboots did you have her naturally? Just curious because I'm in my 40s and would like another

@DisobedientHamster

Children who are the result of egg donation are not genetically the carrier's (except if the donor is also the carrier), toner, no matter how offensive fact my be.

If you re-read my post, I think you'll see that is exactly what I said. Nobody is stupid enough to think otherwise!

Unless she is desperate then I don't know why she would want to make life difficult for herself.

It's hard enough having kids in your 30's, why anyone would you want to still be dealing with a teenager at 76 is beyond me.

@PrincessSD did you have them naturally? I'm interested because I would like another in my 40s

It does seem odd to me that saying that as you get older things get harder. They do! Its not ageist, its just a fact

Not necessarily. As I've got older I've found life has got much easier, I have more disposable income, I'm in a stable,happy relationship, we have a house and I feel far more confident than ten years ago.

Its fine to say it's a terrible idea but if you're saying this having easily had children then maybe consider it's not easy for all of us to get pregnant.

@Sakura7

It's not fair on the child. I say this as someone whose oldest parent was a couple of years younger than your friend when I was born.

I had to deal with dementia, cancer and death at a younger age than any of my friends. It's very isolating, especially to an only child (or child with much older siblings). There is also a huge cultural difference.

I agree with this. My mum had me in her late 30s and my gran had my mum at 40 and I too lost my mum when I was much younger than most. My dc have missed out on having their gran. Lots of friends my age still have grandparents and even although I wouldn't change anything about my childhood I wish I had my mum for longer and I too missed out on having grandparents into my adult life. This is a completely selfish view I know but just a view from the childs perspective as they get older. X

It depends on lots of things. It's certainly not too old but it's an individual's personal decision. Experience here. We did it, no regrets.

@dreamboatquickfuck I didnt think there was any proven link between IVF and increased risk of behavioural and learning difficulties?

It's hard enough having kids in your 30's, why anyone would you want to still be dealing with a teenager at 76 is beyond me.
Your maths is a bit off

Fuck that

To me yes, but I can understand why she might want to. I might feel differently if I hadn't had my kids by that age. 42 is my max (given birth by end of being 43 at a stretch)

So much ageism on the post. Particularly weird how people think it would be embarrassing to have an older parent. Don't have children because you might embarrass them?

I'd rather have worldly 45 year old parents than young parents who had me at 19 or 20, live next door to their parents in a weird parochial/tribal bubble, and have no world and limited life experience. Any day.

@Sakura7

If that's what she wants then there's no harm in trying.

There is actully, to the child who could end up losing its mother or becoming a carer at a far far younger age than they should. It's a massive burden to place on a young person who's barely had a chance to get their own life started.

My mum had me at 29, and died from cancer at 43 - she had been sick for 7 years. I helped care for her and and she died at hone with me and my younger sister by her side, I was 14. Do I wish I hadn’t been born? Of course I don’t. She was the most beautiful, kind and selfless person that I’ve ever met and the short time I had with her made me the person I am today. I miss her every day but she taught me so much and I am eternally grateful to her. I value life so much, as we all should, none of us know what time we have left.

I think people need to let others make their own decisions and stop being so judgemental. There are far younger women having children who I’m sure are less fit, less patient etc. and would be worse mothers than OP’s friend. Age means nothing, there are reasons it’s illegal to discriminate against someone because of their age.

I wish OP’s friend all the luck in the world on whichever path her journey takes her, I only hope she has some better friends to support her along the way.

There is a real disparity between the opinions of children of older parents on these threads and those of the parents themselves. My mum had me much later in life and my siblings in her early 20s. I absolutely love my parents to pieces and we are probably the closest out of all siblings but... I too have felt embarrassed by their age when I was a child, all GPs passed away by the time I was 5, I don't have any cousins close in age, aunts and uncles are all elderly too now and I had to deal with my DF having cancer when I was early 20s and a stroke. When I was struggling to have children, I was very aware that the longer it took, the less time my children would have with their GPs themselves so a case of history repeating itself. I'd say they've only really started to 'age' noticeably once they turned 70, they say having me definitely kept them young. But they are also v aware of their own mortality now. Of course these things can happen to any one at any time but children of older parents all seem to share the same views/experiences. I appreciate from my own experience it's not always that easy so I guess all I would say to anyone is please do not leave it too late because there are real cons. I am lucky I have siblings and my nieces and nephews are more like siblings as we are closer in age than me and my own brothers and sisters. For parents having the first child later, the child would likely have to face these issues alone and I think that would be v tough

A friend was in mid 40's and DP late 60's. They are very happy and he is young for his age but.....yes feels,old

I had ds at 45. It was not a planned pregnancy but it’s been fine, he is now 12 and a bright happy boy. I’m now a lone parent so I do everything.

But - I have worked hard to build my fitness so I can cope. I cycle and ski with ds. I have almost given up on my social life so I can give ds a settled childhood - which I don’t mind.

And I accepted that ds would be an only child so I’m careful to make sure he is close to his cousins.

If I had fallen pregnant at 46 I would probably have gone ahead. But it is a very personal decision.

@Nik2019 Wise words. I am sorry you lost your Mum at such a young age. Cancer is cruel. There are definitely no guarantees in this world. As Mums we hope for the best for our children. We also hope we are there to protect and guide them. It sounds like your Mum did a great job in the time she had.

@Snowfallst

It does seem odd to me that saying that as you get older things get harder. They do! Its not ageist, its just a fact

Not necessarily. As I've got older I've found life has got much easier, I have more disposable income, I'm in a stable,happy relationship, we have a house and I feel far more confident than ten years ago.

Its fine to say it's a terrible idea but if you're saying this having easily had children then maybe consider it's not easy for all of us to get pregnant.

No one easily has children.

But physically, age takes it toll. I have birth to DC1 at 17 and it was tough but I bounced back almost immediately, same with DC2 at 24. I had DC6 at 38 and I would say it took a good few months to feel anything like ok again. The tiredness was so much harder to cope with, my body just felt spent in a way it hadnt when I was younger.

I have more money, more time, more assets and a better approach to life than I did then. But none of that makes having a baby when it is physically harder and more risky for both mother and baby is a good idea.

I would say that if she has a big support network and is financially In a very good place, it may be possible.
I am only saying this thinking of the child/children (if contemplating IVF this is a distinct possibility).
Regardless of our opinion she will do it, but I’m wondering about what the child’s experience will be like:

• I think it unlikely that she will have the energy to play around with them as they may want
• they will probably be dealing at a younger age with the ailments that affect older people, and even loss of a parent
• the age gap may prove too much for the children

For your friend, there will be the pressure of a risk pregnancy, the possibility that there may be some genetic problem (these things can happen with age), postnatal depression can really be brutal (and at that age!).

It takes a village to raise a child as the saying goes. If there is love and support from friends and family, anything is possible and with good outcomes.

Not typically straight forward TTC but people are different, older can be more energetic depending on many factors, overall health, wellbeing & lifestyle. It’s normal for women to work well into their 60s, which (depending on the job) could be equally demanding.

Is she happy to deal with a teenager in her sixties?

My parents had one of my siblings much later and they are probably the closest and have most in common. I hated having young parents and they were just as embarrassing when I was a teenager! Kids often judge their parents.