Is 46/ 47 too late for first baby?

[Everythingnotsaved]

My friend really wants a baby & is nearly 46 & would probably be 47 by the time baby came. I always read really really different views on mumsnet about babies and pregnancy and age so thought I’d ask:

Yanbu- it’s too old
Yabu- it’s entirely possible

I am assuming shes looking at donor eggs but is it just about that - what about the child too with older parents? I don’t know what I think really.

So long as she up to date with all the risks......Her Body ......Her choice

I gave birth to my first son aged 40years, felt fit and healthy.
Then we went through the adoption process and waited and waited and waited. So when we were offered an 18month old when I was 47years I was slightly taken aback.

Yes, it's a massive adjustment going back to 'baby' stage but there are good things too....

I live in rural area so most people around here settle down and have kids in their 20's - so I am as old as most grandparents. Also most of my school friends have kids at university by now. It's not easy being the oldest mum at primary school.
BUT
I reckon I'm healthier than most of the mum's around here, I've never been asked whether I'm my son's Grandma and we have lots of fun. We will have to make up how things work over the coming years - but isn't that the way that most families work?!
Not 'perfect', but trying hard and generally happy.

My mum had me at 45 and my dad was 50. I have a lot of older siblings. They always said that my dad was stricter with them and didn’t have as much time to spend with them as he did with me. He worked a lot longer hours when they were young as there were so many of them to provide for but didn’t need to when I was born. I feel that I got the best of him. However, they got maybe 50+ years with mum and dad and I got 30.
I don’t know what is best to be honest with you. I feel I got the best of my dad but over a short space of time. I also grew up constantly thinking about their deaths and it made me a very anxious child and adult.

My cousin had her 4th at 46- hard on a only child but quite frankly what we think counts for zilch.

I think it’s ok if you’re prepared.
No one bats an eyelid at a man doing it.
I’m single with teenage twins in my
Mid fifties had them early forties

I reckon I'm healthier than most of the mum's around here
How would anyone come to such a conclusion?

10 years is more than half of person's childhood, of course it's a significant amount of time. By your logic, if 47 is ok then so is 57, which is obviously ridiculous. A line has to be drawn somewhere.

47 is still at the upper end of a lot of women's fertility window; 57 isn't.

It’s a difficult one. I can imagine if I had got to that age and didn’t have kids I would very much feel like a massive part of what my life should have been was missing. I can fully understand a woman making the choice to have children at this age. It is not for anyone else to judge.

However, I had my 2 at 35 and 37 (they are now age 4 and 2). I do find it exhausting at times. I am glad I didn’t have them later. Though count myself fortunate that I don’t have to make that decision to have kids later or have none at all.

It is interesting the points made about if people judge older fathers as harshly. Yes, there aren’t the same biological issues regarding the birth of the child. But feeling exhausted chasing after a child at an older age still stands. As for the chance of the child loosing a parent at a relatively young age, this is even more likely, as men have a lower average life expectancy than women. Yet society as a whole (as with many things) is much too eager to jump in and judge women.

I had my first at 43 and second at 45. Not what I intended but infertility scuppered that.

I have a friend from high school who's parents were in their 60s and she was extremely embarrassed about it at the time. She rarely had friends over to her house and when she did she'd ask us not to tell anyone about how old her parents were. Unfortunately they both had ill health and passed away before my friend was even 20. She'd spent most of her teenage years taking care of them and was completely lost afterwards.

The whole tiring teenagers thing makes me raise my eyebrows. My two are 18 and 15 and the teenage years have been a breeze and hands downp the easiest stage yet (knock on wood).

Some of the comments on here are really horrid, with people who were fortunate enough to have the right set of circumstances at a relatively young age telling those who are a bit older that they want to pull up the rope ladder and that they're unreasonable for wanting the same thing when they're able to.

I was one of the last years to get free university tuition - it would be like me telling younger people (or those my age or older who were not yet ready to go) that maybe they should just accept that the possibility of university isn't for them.

We were fortunate enough to get our feet on the housing ladder before prices started going crazy, and we were married younger than average and so were able to buy together as a couple too - does that mean that others who want to do the same now should just be smugly told that maybe owning a home at some point in their lives 'just isn't for them'?

Notmyrealname855

"Italiangreyhound no offence but if your parents were in their 30s then neither was an older parent!"

No offence taken. They were considered older at the time. And I felt my mum was a fair bit older than my friend's mum. But yes, of course 30 something is not old.

"One of my friends - her dad was 73 when she was born hmm she never even knew him, very sad. Nice for him I guess."

It must be very hard to have a parent who is so much older yes, I 100% see 73 is very old. My dad died at age 74. However, I'm not sure why it is necessarily nice for him. I don't know the situation but maybe some men end up married to/in a relationship with much younger women who've not had children and then feel they need to have a baby with their partner.

I always wanted kids and it didn’t happen for me until I reached 44. My daughter is now 13 and not for one minute have we regretted having her later in life. It’s been tough at times as grandparents were too old to help out with childcare but we’re both fit and healthy - walk, run and cycle miles. I keep up to date with social media/marketing for my freelance work, my husband’s an IT consultant, and we’re far fitter and more tech-savvy than many of our younger friends. I find it quite insulting that people can dismiss older parents per se or start questioning their suitability to be parents. Surely it’s up to your friend to decide for herself, not sure why you’re even asking the question tbh

There are pros and cons for either.
She may be more financially secure, have a more stable relationship, be mortgage-free or almost, she may be in good health, her baby may not have autism it any other maternal age-related condition, she may be fit and healthy into her 80’s. But then that list or parts of it could be the opposite. Could she cope, would it be fair on the child?

Conditions like preeclampsia and gestational diabetes can affect ladies at any age or at any part of their pregnancy. I had both with my second in my early 30’s but not with the third at 40.

I think she should make an informed decision after speaking to an obstetric and gyne consultant. The decision is really only for her and her partner to make. What we think is irrelevant - it's going into the situation informed and prepared for if the worst should happen, is all that matters.

I have a friend from high school who's parents were in their 60s and she was extremely embarrassed about it at the time. She rarely had friends over to her house and when she did she'd ask us not to tell anyone about how old her parents were. Unfortunately they both had ill health and passed away before my friend was even 20. She'd spent most of her teenage years taking care of them and was completely lost afterwards.

Most teenagers find something about their parents to be embarrassed about, though - it could be their music taste, their fashion sense, anything really. It's a normal phase in distancing yourself from them and finding your own identity as you take the first steps towards independence. It's very sad that she lost them so young, but as you said, they suffered from ill-health, which can beset anybody of any age - it's not like they dropped dead of natural causes through being so very old and completely spent.

My father was 50 when I was born and died when I was 17. Most people thought he was my grandad when we were out together and I did feel embarrassed when kids I got playing with on the beach asked if he was really my dad! I do feel sad that I never had a relationship with him as an adult and that he wasn't there on my wedding day and never met my DH or my nephew.

they suffered from ill-health, which can beset anybody of any age

But are much more likely the older you get. Let's not pretend that health conditions are uniformly distributed at all ages!

If its her only chance, maybe try , but think further ahead, raising teenagers is hard, and would be incredibly hard in your 60's...……..im exhausted and stressed with mine and im 45.

Why are people still trying to pretend that the link between age and declining health doesn't exist? It's extraordinarily deluded.

My friend is 52. She has an 18yr old, 9yr old and 5yr old. Her mum had her at 39 so her mother is now 91. My friend never mentions her age in relation to having 5yr old but he wasn’t planned and she is a “get on with it” type of person. My dad was 60 (his wife 37) when my youngest sibling was born. Having a little one kept my dad young and he never really became a slow old man. It definitely would not have been his choice to have a child at 60.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll
Every time a poster comes on here and gives anything less than a glowing review of having older parents, you pick apart and challenge everything they say. Would it be so hard to respect people's experiences and their right to talk about them? You clearly have a different view which is fine, but please don't invalidate the people who have taken the time to post about their own childhood and young adulthood.

It does seem odd to me that saying that as you get older things get harder. They do! Its not ageist, its just a fact.

And pointing out that a woman who becomes a mother is more likely to die or need care when her child is still relatively young is not ageist, that is also a fact. Yes death and illness can hit any of us at anytime but it is far more likely the older one gets.

@dreamboatquickfuck the donor eggs wouldnt be from women in their 40s tho, so how does this relate?