Is 46/ 47 too late for first baby?

[Everythingnotsaved]

My friend really wants a baby & is nearly 46 & would probably be 47 by the time baby came. I always read really really different views on mumsnet about babies and pregnancy and age so thought I’d ask:

Yanbu- it’s too old
Yabu- it’s entirely possible

I am assuming shes looking at donor eggs but is it just about that - what about the child too with older parents? I don’t know what I think really.

I think if she 100% passionate and dedicated then she should try.

I know a few grandparents who raised their grandchildren in their 40s, 50s and 60s and they found it challenging and needed support. Although often finding it rewarding as well.

So I think it could be similar to their experiences. Take the positives with the negatives. And as a friend you need to recognise that she may find it more challenging than younger parents and you could offer her support if she does.

*I don't hear these comments about men who become fathers at that age.

Why the difference?*

You really need to ask, pregnancy and birth alone are just a little bit different for the father to the mother 🙄!

Too old IMO.

How depressing to see how judged older mums are. Selfish and unable to cope with teens apparently. As I said in an earlier post, I had 2 kids in my forties. They, and the pregnancies were fine., I am conscious of the disadvantages of course but this is how it worked out.

The tone of some of the comments on here is not nice.. There are lots of older mums on this thread and on MN.

I think if she wants a child, go for it. Youth isn’t a guarantee that your parents will be around, and 47 now isn’t the same as 47 decades ago.

I personally wouldn’t want to deal with teens in my sixties, but that’s a very personal thing.

My dad was in his 50s when I was born. An excellent, loving father.

Everytime these threads occur there are spoiled whiney 40 year olds complaining about how hard life was with an older parent. If this is the worst thing that happened to you....goodness what a blessed life. If you’re trying to say you wish you didn’t exist....I mean that’s obviously nonsense.

trixie, unfortunately that is how some people feel. I am glad to be alive and would have welcomed another child at any age. Ageism is so rife in our culture.

My DH is the son of an older parent. Her age was never an issue for him because she was just his mum. That’s all he knew.

There are many worse things to inflict on a child than being an older parent, hopefully in a stable relationship with an income to support them.
What about the lives of children born to young girls, or taken into care, or with absent fathers? All far worse .

People I know of where I live have had their 2nd child- she's around 40, he's 45. I don't for a minute regard them as old parents. The fact he will be 60 when his child is 15 is not something that crossed my mind.Equally, I know of people who lost a parent when in their teens.

@Everythingnotsaved
It's entirely possible.
Could take a lot of money and time. She only has until 50. That's the usual cut off for treatment.

Should she? Personally, I think that it's too old. Likelihood, if successful she's closer to 48. So when lo went to school would be 53. 66+@18years. Likely dead by age 30-35,if not earlier.

Even as a lone woman, there's very little justification of leaving it until this late.

That's before things like how healthy she is etc will impact on the child...

I’m 46 and have no intention of having more but if I didn’t have any then yes I would. I’m no more knackered than I was in my 20’s, who are all these people who are on the wind down from 45. Of course your children could end up with no parent quite young but so could any children. My husband and died at 47, that wasn’t great for my kids.

Both my grandmothers lived to their mid nineties One had some mild dementia, the other was sharp as a whip to her death.

One of my cousins had her first child at 45, naturally. She waited until she married. She’s in good health and doesn’t regret her child for a moment.

I think it’s up to the woman, and no one else’s opinion really matters.

Could take a lot of money and time. She only has until 50. That's the usual cut off for treatment.

That’s just in the UK. There are clinics in Italy and the Ukraine who will treat women in their 60s.

Anyone remember Patricia Rashbrook? Now 76 with a 14 year old. Treated in Italy.

Too old on my opinion, but also none of my business

@trixiebelden77 Is it 'whiny and spoiled' for those who had older parents to share their experience? Don't think it is. They're the ones who felt the impact on their childhood/early adulthood, not you. Just because YOU had a good experience with an old parent doesn't mean everyone else did.

Yes but there is an assumption going though this thread about how awful it is to have an older parent. I was pleased to see someone redressing the balance a bit.

DH is 53 and we have an 8 year old. He is full of energy.

A lot of people are healthy and full of energy at that age. Wonder how many of those with no energy are eating crap, not exercising and drinking too much. Having a child older is no more selfish than having a child and being unfit and unhealthy. The latter are probably more likely to die young.

We've all been there with that yearning feeling.

I've got two children and didn't 'yearn' for them! We decided to have children and did. I adore them, and wouldn't be without them though!

This is a decision for your friend to make. We don’t know people’s circumstances and if she really wants a baby, who are we to judge.
More and more women are having babies well into their 40s now. If she is fit and healthy, then it’s up to her. It’s all about your mindset. Some people have a young, active attitude towards life whatever their age and some not so. It all depends on the individual.
If your friend really wants a baby and she thinks she can manage well good luck to her, go for it!

I wouldn’t do it. I had DS when I was 34, he’s nearly 14 now and I thought that I was old, I was even told I was old a few times too!

I personally could not imagine going back to dirty nappies, sleepless nights etc at my age.

@trixiebelden77 same with me(he was in his 40s). Just a side note, I had them on the older side also; my second one nearly broke me (which I believe she would have done if I was in my 20s) and my Dad, at 80, pretty much took over with DD1. He was brilliant. He still minds them both for me regularly. I know having children younger is healthier but there are other factors (patience being a massive one).

I am 47, I have a reasonably healthy lifestyle, I walk miles with my dog every day to stay active, and we have a happy, stable home, my youngest is nine. I dont feel a day older in my head than I did at say, age 30.
Now while my family is complete, I still feel that if it wasnt, the home we would be welcoming a new baby into wouldnt be any different to how it was 9 years ago when dd was born.
47 looks old on paper when its written down but how does your friend feel in herself?

I'm that age and think I'm too old for more but a friend just had her first at 47. Health, finances, work, support structures etc all come into play. To be honest I would love for dp and I to have a child but I don't think it's fair

My old next door neighbour was pregnant at 50, she seemed to cope really well. I think the distress of not being able to have children was the reason she did so well. Her step son was also excited about becoming a big brother.

I know a 49 year old who had a baby, she had private IVF abroad, she was very very unwell throughout the pregnancy and from very early on her blood pressure soared. I don’t think her body could handle the pregnancy at all but she’s determined to have another and has some eggs frozen and told me she would try again around 52.

Before contraception was invented women of that age did have children. Dh lost both his parents as a teenager for different reasons. They had him during their 30s. Age is not a guarantee you will live. The most important thing to have is good enough health in my mind to handle babies and offsprings.