Is 46/ 47 too late for first baby?

[Everythingnotsaved]

My friend really wants a baby & is nearly 46 & would probably be 47 by the time baby came. I always read really really different views on mumsnet about babies and pregnancy and age so thought I’d ask:

Yanbu- it’s too old
Yabu- it’s entirely possible

I am assuming shes looking at donor eggs but is it just about that - what about the child too with older parents? I don’t know what I think really.

We've all been there with that yearning feeling.

I've got two children and didn't 'yearn' for them! We decided to have children and did. I adore them, and wouldn't be without them though!

I wouldn’t do it. I had DS when I was 34, he’s nearly 14 now and I thought that I was old, I was even told I was old a few times too!

Thank you for showing that the 'acceptable' age for women to conceive is cultural! No-one in their right mind would consider 34 old now! Natural conception between 40 and 45 is fairly common for women who want to: the rise in abortion rates has been for over 40s, so I read, due to the common misconception that it is REALLY hard for over 40s to get pregnant - it isn't - so they are careless with contraception. Less common past 45 but still possible until you have gone through full menopause. So it is still 'natural' to conceive at these ages.

I had my last child at 39, and whilst I love him, it is exhausting.
I would not want one now nearly ten years later and have taken active steps so we don't. We just dont have the energy levels to look after a child full time.
I know ppl seem to want to say its a personal choice, but its really not, there are many risks to the child in later pregnancies and whilst it may work well for some children I am not sure we should actively promote it.
Its true that health can be an indicator, but age is still more important in my view. There are more unfit 40 year olds then there are fit 65 years olds after all.

Also I lost my dad in my 30's and my mum to advanced dementia at that age. I was an adult by then with my own life. I don't really get the 'its too young to lose your parents' argument.

@Cheeseandwin5

I had my last child at 39, and whilst I love him, it is exhausting. I would not want one now nearly ten years later and have taken active steps so we don't. We just dont have the energy levels to look after a child full time. I know ppl seem to want to say its a personal choice, but its really not, there are many risks to the child in later pregnancies and whilst it may work well for some children I am not sure we should actively promote it. Its true that health can be an indicator, but age is still more important in my view. There are more unfit 40 year olds then there are fit 65 years olds after all.

So just because you are unfit at 39 and can’t cope nobody else should? Nice.

The facts are that when modern women have their first kids later they tend to be wealthier, healthier, and fitter, and have better longevity as a result. It probably explains the new crop of data that suggests their kids to better than those whose parents are younger or who have big age differences.

What is the average life expectancy now? I'm sorry but cancers crop up out or nowhere. Cervical cancer, tumours, breast cancer. No one likes to think about it but they definitely increase as you age. Also dementia is a bitch. There is a much stronger chance your child will have to deal with this. From first hand experience, I can tell you that it's painful.

I’m 47 and couldn’t imagine anything worse. Albeit I do already have 2 children.

And my family tend to be very healthy fighting fit people. You can't always predict things like this.

I think it's far too old. I can't imagine wanting to start over with newborns and toddlers at that age. When I'm that age my kids will be 27, 23, 21 and 20 so may be something to do with how I feel about it.

Sorry, but 47 is old enough to be a Grandparent. You could have had a baby at 21 and that child now has a couple of DC at age 25. One of my friends, who is a couple of years younger than me, is now a grandparent.

After 4 months in lockdown a quick look in the mirror at 47 will show you how old you really are. Grey hair, wrinkles and boobs going south. Having a baby at that age is all about YOU and what you want, not about what is best for that child.

Also I lost my dad in my 30's and my mum to advanced dementia at that age. I was an adult by then with my own life. I don't really get the 'its too young to lose your parents' argument.

I was younger than you and I fully agree. If you asked people who lose their parents in their 50s, 60s, even 70s whether they'd have preferred to have them for longer, almost all would say yes, but however much they'd like it, it's not going to happen for many of them. Same as if you asked if they'd like to have £10m and believed it would make their lives nicer - they'd all say yes, but again, the real world just isn't that way. Better to have loved and lost and all that.

I liked the time machine comment above - it's very true. I'm reminded of the old joke about the people on a country lane who ask a farmer the best way to get to a nearby town and he says "Ooh, I wouldn't recommend starting from here, if I were you!"

There's also a variation on that joke where they ask the farmer "Does it matter which way we go from here to get to X town?" and he replies "Not to me, it don't!" That's also maybe a lesson for some overly-prescriptive posters on here....

If you can still get pg then it's not too late. Not sure how I feel about needing donor eggs at 47. It wouldnt be for me but I had plenty of opportunities to conceive before 40. I had my first mc at 43 and tried half heartedly until I was about 44. Personally for my biology although I'm still fertile the good eggs seemed a bit sparse. That's really your limit for natural fertility. Under 45.

It's up to the individual and none of my beeswax but i guess i might inwardly raise my eyebrows at someone who only had a strong urge for a child nearer 50 than 40. Why not before? That part when you rarely hear of woman having ivf at 50 because their partner is childless also at 50-60
I can't get my head around. So suddenly at 50 your missing out? That part is strange in my personal opinion. I had my last at 40 so who am I to say. She is one of 4 all spaced out between me being 29-39 when I conceived

@Hyperfish101 There is balancing the situation and there is basically telling people to shut up and be grateful.

Sorry, but 47 is old enough to be a Grandparent. You could have had a baby at 21 and that child now has a couple of DC at age 25.

It is, but it's still not the 'norm' to become a GP in your 40s.

I once read about a British woman who was a GM at 27. Does that mean that, because her life went in that direction, nobody else should have a child after 26, because 27 would make them old enough to potentially be a GP? There was obviously some illegal activity involved there, but it would legally be fully possible to be a GP at 33, so are we saying that nobody over 31 should ever become a parent?

People are different - you wouldn't say that a 30yo, 40yo, 50yo, 60yo should be shamed for wanting to learn to drive or go to university, just because most people do it before they're 20. Most people who get married do so in their 20s or 30s, but that doesn't make old folk who do so much later in life in any way wrong.

nobody over 31

Nobody over 32 - not that it makes a big difference.

It's easy to say you shouldn't expect to still have your parents in your 20s and 30s, but when everyone around you does it's a very lonely road. There was a thread here a while ago from a woman in her mid 30s who had lost both parents, she was bereft and felt all alone, having no remaining close family. She asked what age others were when this happened to them, and the vast vast majority of respondents were much older, and talked about how their parents were there for them well into adulthood and they don't know how they would have coped otherwise.

The vast majority of young people in their 20s are not having to deal with a parent's dementia. It's a devastating experience, but it's made so much harder when you've barely become an adult yourself and have not established your own life.

Of course if you're the type of person who thinks a child immediately transforms into a fully fledged adult the moment they turn 18, with absolutely no need for any further parental support (emotional or practical), then I guess all of the above isn't important.

@ScouseDottir

Sorry, but 47 is old enough to be a Grandparent. You could have had a baby at 21 and that child now has a couple of DC at age 25. One of my friends, who is a couple of years younger than me, is now a grandparent.

After 4 months in lockdown a quick look in the mirror at 47 will show you how old you really are. Grey hair, wrinkles and boobs going south. Having a baby at that age is all about YOU and what you want, not about what is best for that child.

So is 32.

Best get sterilised before the awful spectacle of a 33 year old who is old enough to be a grandmother but has got pregnant anyway is seen in public.

People are different - you wouldn't say that a 30yo, 40yo, 50yo, 60yo should be shamed for wanting to learn to drive or go to university, just because most people do it before they're 20.

It's not in any way comparable. That person's decision to learn to drive is not going to adversely impact another person's life.

It's a huge gamble, and if something does go wrong it's the child who pays the price. All because the parents' desires were the no.1 priority.

Hiding this thread. I had a child at 46. Albeit accidentally. Some of the judgement on here is horrible. Should I have aborted him because I might have ‘saggy boobs and grey hair’???

There is a way to suggest older parenthood might be tricky but consider there are older parents on here who you are making feel like shit.

Health is a much more important consideration than biological age. I have a friend who had her ds when she was 45. She is full of energy, blissfully happy and her ds (now 8) is thriving. A family friend was born when her mother was in her 40s and her mother lived in excellent health until she was over 100.

Selfish and ridiculous to have a child so late. If you couldn’t find time in the last 25-30 years then it’s your own fault.

If you've already been through the kids thing and "knackered yourself out" by the age of 40, as seems to have happened to so many people on this thread, it stands to reason that you wouldn't want to do it again. It's a weird place from which to judge other peoples' desire to have children, though.

@Hyperfish101

Hiding this thread. I had a child at 46. Albeit accidentally. Some of the judgement on here is horrible. Should I have aborted him because I might have ‘saggy boobs and grey hair’???

There is a way to suggest older parenthood might be tricky but consider there are older parents on here who you are making feel like shit.

I agree, it's a really obnoxious thread. I had my first at 42 and, 10 years later, seem to be still going strong despite my disgusting grey hair and saggy body.

My mum became quite disabled in her 50s. I became her main carer and it's physically and mentally exhausting. I was only in my 20s and should have been having my own life but instead I was tied to her, with endless appointments and helping in the house. I feel like it robbed me of a huge chunk of my life.

I still care for her now but thankfully her condition is in remission and she isn't as dependent on my help.

Just another perspective of having a parent who is older.

@Hyperfish101

Hiding this thread. I had a child at 46. Albeit accidentally. Some of the judgement on here is horrible. Should I have aborted him because I might have ‘saggy boobs and grey hair’???

There is a way to suggest older parenthood might be tricky but consider there are older parents on here who you are making feel like shit.

Would you have deliberately planned a child at that age though? Big difference.