Mum died 11 years ago tonight - anyone else understand this?

[Ilikeviognier]

Feeling fragile today. My mum died right in front of me 11 years ago tonight. I was 30. She never met my kids, which really kills me. My father also died within 2 years so I’ve had to navigate the world without them for so long I can barely remember them being around.

For some reason, I need to acknowledge the anniversary - and it’s like no one else in the world will. My brother is my only surviving relative and he never remembers stuff like this. He thinks I’m morbid I think for remembering.....And in a way he’s right- it doesn’t serve any real purpose does it?

Anyone else experiencing similar? None of my peers really get it and still all have their folks very much alive.

People remember things in different ways. I thankfully still have both of my parents, but they both had a parent die young. My mum's dad died when she was 10, and my dad's mum died when he was 27.
My mum can tell you exact dates, what she was doing when she found out etc. My dad probably couldn't even tell you the year if you asked him now. That's not to say he loved his mum any less.

My gran died 6 years ago now. It'll be burned in my mind forever, as I was there when it happened. I could tell you the time down to the minute.

it's so hard..I lost my mum in 1982.....I still feel the loss today x miss her so much x x

I get it, OP. 13 years for me. I was so lucky to have such a lovely mum. Nothing is quite right without her.

I put my DS to bed last night but when I went up an hour later he was crying because he missed his grandpa (my Ddad, who died last year) I took DS into my bed and we talked about grandpa and grandma (who he doesnt remember) and hugged and cried. DH came into our room and asked why DS was in our bed. I told him and he just shrugged, and didnt say anything else. It's good to share on here when in RL people dont understand.

My dad died five years ago, a few weeks before I got married and never got to meet my daughter. Every single day I think about how much he would have adored her. On the anniversary of his death me and my husband usually go to the pub where my dad worked in his younger days and raise a glass and then go for curry (his favourite food). We didn’t this year because of lockdown, but hoping to go soon.

Butteredtoast, I completely understand that. I find it hard on my birthday to not receive a birthday card with 'daughter' on it. Also not being able to call them mom and dad in the present tense.

I also remember when I was pregnant being asked by the midwife if my mum was excited.

I didn’t have the heart to tell her so I avoided the question!

Your feelings are completely natural imo. Allow yourself to think about it and feel sad, there's no need to bury these things.

It's nearly 3 years since I lost my mum. I was exactly 24 weeks pregnant with my son when my brother called me to say she had died. She was 67 and it was very sudden and unexpected. The day my son became officially viable was the day she stopped being. Like others, a large part of the sadness is in her not meeting him, she loved babies so much.