To say this needs fixing before she visits?

[Jenjar]

Shortly after start of lockdown, my (adult) DC cracked the loo seat in their bathroom. As a temp measure they taped it up however I told them they needed to replace it, I would pay for it but I needed them to source a replacement. I have been working FT from home, they are both furloughed. Also it's not a standard loo seat so I knew it wouldn't be a simple trip to B&Q. I have my own bathroom.

So months have passed. It's not been done because they are both lazy and I have enough to do without micro managing them. Eldest now wants girlfriend to visit (not sure if this is within lockdown rules, however they and her family all seem to think it's fine so whatever). I've said they need to fix the loo seat before she does. Cue lots of huffing and puffing and how unfair I'm being and they haven't got time etc.

So AIBU?

Seems a bit petty. If it works fine and they are not bothered about it then does it really need fixed straight away? You can't see it and it doesn't affect you. Just let it go. If it annoys them when they are here he may be more inclined to fix it.

Surely as the homeowner (I’m presuming) it’s your responsibility to get it fixed?

Unless she was knocking bricks on it or something?

Seems a bit odd to link the two in my view. I think personally I would set a date for it to be done, after which you will find someone to fix it and DC would be responsible to pay.

what a weird deadline. partner can’t visit until it’s fixed?!

How exactly does this affect you since you have your own bathroom?

Your right Op.

They're adults and have agreed to pay for a replacement. All they need to do is find one online and order it. Get a screwdriver and attach it.

All the huffing and puffing and saying they haven't got time is silly.

A taped up loo seat is manky.

Give them a kick up the bum to do it, otherwise it'll never get done.

YANBU. Your house your rules. Your DC is too lazy to do it for normal 'it's the right thing to do' reasons. So why not motivate them with 'because if you don't your GF can't visit' reasons?

I’d be annoyed that they haven’t bothered and guess it will be a good incentive to make them do it.

Bit confused by your post...

Do you all live in the same house? Their bathroom implies ownership, so do you live in your child(ren)'s house?
'They' need to fix it - one child or more? Which one broke it?

If the seat still works, and is safe, I can't see an issue to get so worked up over. Do you use that loo?

I think this is a brilliant way to encourage them to get it done tbh. If they really haven’t got time they can pay for someone to do it.

I'm assuming that you want it fixed because the crack in it could house germs and, during Covid times, that's a particularly bad idea? In which case, I think you are being entirely reasonable. Having someone else in your house increases risk, being unable to properly clean surfaces that are exposed to aerosol spray from that person further increases risk. Your house, your rules.

Sorry it is eldest child's GF who is visiting. I may not have made that clear.

It's a cracked loo seat covered with white tape. It doesn't look great nor is it particularly hygienic. I don't think it's suitable for guests.

I can't get someone to fix it as that will involve me still buying the seat (no handyman round here does a job unless you provide the parts, based on past experience and as I said I've not got time to trawl around trying to find a seat the right size and shape hence asking them to do it).

All sounds very petty to me!

If you don’t use that bathroom then you either leave them to sort it when they are ready or if it’s really bothering you order one yourself

Seeline - it is my house, all 3 of us live here. I have an ensuite bathroom, they (2 adult DC) share the main bathroom which I refer to as theirs.

No one knows who broke it, a crack just appeared. Possibly it was a hairline crack that worsened, I don't know.

I only use the loo in my ensuite but of course DCs girlfriend will be using the loo in main bathroom with the dodgy seat.

I think if no one knows who broke it, then you just need to sort it really, really unfair if DC who can’t have their GF visit wasn’t actually anything to do with it.
Also thus is just General wear and tear isn’t it?

I agree with you, it’s not hygienic, you can’t properly clean a taped up loo seat. Furloughed adults should be capable of pitching in and getting it sorted out.

Frankly it sounds like YANBU to ask your adult DC to take some responsibility for maintaining the house they live in. If they don't like your rules they could of course move out (unless I am misunderstanding something here)

So it's not really their bathroom, it is the house bathroom used by everyone who visits the house. So the crack is probably just down to wear and tear, if none was actually mucking about.

Your house, your responsibility. Just grab one from B&Q that nearly works until someone has the time to search for a new one. The DC can fit it, it's not difficult.

Stick to your guns. They've been furloughed and say they haven't had time?! They've broken it, they are adult and they should fix it.

OP can't get one from B and Q as per the opening post.
YANBU it's very wearying trying to motivate lazy adults.

Are these the same grown up dc who don’t do anything around the house and you had a thread about them refusing to help you sort the garden? Ignore me if not it’s just ringing bells for me... I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. Stuff like this is what adults have to do. They need to sort it out.

😂

The OP asked her adult DC to sort this out weeks/months ago and they aren't working.... they couldn't be bothered and now posters pile on the say OP should sort it.

At what point do some people think their adult DC should actually do anything to help the rest of the household?

Surely you can just order one online instead of 'trawling around' looking for one?

I don't think it's expecting too much. If they were 12 yes but they are both over 18. I'm trying to make them into capable adults - whilst I have been working, shopping etcI thought it was something constructive they could have done.

We rarely have any visitors and obviously none during lockdown so it's not been an issue sooner but with the suggestion she visits next weekend I feel it needs doing, and makes us look pretty grimy and unhygienic otherwise!

By trawling around I meant trawling online. It's an odd shape and size, with odd fixings. A standard loo seat would not fit at all. I suspect it would mean a fair bit of time going through various online retailers to locate a suitable one.

@RandomMess

😂

The OP asked her adult DC to sort this out weeks/months ago and they aren't working.... they couldn't be bothered and now posters pile on the say OP should sort it.

At what point do some people think their adult DC should actually do anything to help the rest of the household?

This ^^ in spades!

YANBU OP if that's the only way it's going to get sorted.