To say this needs fixing before she visits?

[Jenjar]

Shortly after start of lockdown, my (adult) DC cracked the loo seat in their bathroom. As a temp measure they taped it up however I told them they needed to replace it, I would pay for it but I needed them to source a replacement. I have been working FT from home, they are both furloughed. Also it's not a standard loo seat so I knew it wouldn't be a simple trip to B&Q. I have my own bathroom.

So months have passed. It's not been done because they are both lazy and I have enough to do without micro managing them. Eldest now wants girlfriend to visit (not sure if this is within lockdown rules, however they and her family all seem to think it's fine so whatever). I've said they need to fix the loo seat before she does. Cue lots of huffing and puffing and how unfair I'm being and they haven't got time etc.

So AIBU?

Take a photo for us. Maybe we can track something down, between us!

Photo to show the solid base etc. I don't expect anyone to find one for me though, that is very much my DC job!

I would be really fucked off with this. I suspect it would take about ten minutes to find a suitable replacement online and order it.

Having said that, I would just seethe silently if they don't want to replace it. You're not using it and you're not having other visitors, so I'd just kind of shrug and allow them to get their pubes stuck in it and the GF if they're happy with that.

Or remove it and make sure you have a lock on your en suite door . Adult children should have some responsibility to the home they live in, IMO.

Make them take responsibility and sort it. This is a battle worth having. I have older teen Dc and they still need to be taught some life lessons.

The last thing you want is to have him grow up into an entitled man who expects other people (women?) to sort everything out in the home.

They agreed to do it and haven't bothered. What are they waiting for? For it to snap In half entirely?!

It's about respect for you, their home and the gf, as well as understanding that you should do what you have agreed to. Being adult about problems.

Stand your ground op!

We have a weird loo seat like that. DH removed it took it to the bathroom shop we bought it from and they had to order one that would fit.

£100 cost nearly as much as the entire loo and seat when we bought it as a direct replacement wasn't available!

YANBU at all. It's about the toilet seat. But it's not.
It's about their laziness and complete disrespect.

It's your DS stopping his GF coming. She can come. As soon as he does the one simple task he's had months to do.

He's an adult. If he doesn't like the rules he can move out.

Of course you are not unreasonable, if your dc haven't been arsed so far, no loo seat=no girlfriend is a good pressure point.

The responses on this thread about your house, your responsability clearly aren't the same posters, who usually pile on to say that after 18, no help for dc whatsoever.

Your dc are adults, tell them to get their fingers out, not just on the loo , but with general helping out or they are welcome to get their own households to maintain.

I’m confused why people are saying OP should do it. She’s working and her GROWN UP children aren’t. What else would they be doing?! Sleeping, on the internet, watching Netflix etc so nothing especially important or worthwhile. Everyone needs to contribute to a household

The loo seat needs fixing, it sounds unhygienic and unsightly. They have already left it for ages

I guess the mystery of why some men / women are so lazy around the house; they think their parents should plan and do everything. Then when they get a partner they should take over

YANBU! They're adults fgs. I wouldn't want any guest parking their arse on a broken toilet seat, child's partner or not. It's embarrassing and makes you look like you don't take care of your house. Their bathroom, their job and they need to grow up. Stick to your guns!

Just to update, they've not done anything about it. Apparently the GF won't mind

@Jenjar

Just to update, they've not done anything about it. Apparently the GF won't mind

Sod that for a game of soldiers, YOU mind.

It's your house, and a condition of them having a guest is that they sort out something that they broke. If they don't like that tough shit.

Stay strong op!

Op, your answer to that should be 'but I do'.

Please don't let them get away with this, your parenting should turn them in to considerate and capable partners/humans, not lazy sods expecting others (mum) to do the work.

@Jenjar

Just to update, they've not done anything about it. Apparently the GF won't mind

You mind though (so would I), so they need to get on with replacing it as you've asked.

I sat on a loo seat in a pub once that was cracked and it was fucking agony. It pinched the skin on the back of my leg.

Back to you op, stand firm on this. Tell them to get on and fix it, regardless of whether poor gf "minds". She might be too polite to say Urgh is that 3 month old tape holding your loo seat together?

It's not going to magically repair itself and they'll be moaning if the whole thing breaks and can't be used at all.

I know it's annoying for you to have to keep telling them this. My furloughed 19 year olds default position is lying down busy with Netflix so I feel your pain.

God, just replace it . Who has the time and energy to create a huge hoohaa about a bloody toilet seat, of all things?

I think the adult dc are creating the hoo ha. Huffing and puffing that they've been too busy to fix it while on furlough for 4 months. Poor things.

You are not being unreasonable. Make sure you stick to what you said x

SmileyClare my DCs default position is similar to yours. They have spent so much time lying down since March I was starting to get concerned they'd end up like the humans in Wall-E and lose the ability to walk entirely!

Thanks for the cheerleading all, I am standing firm. Riot act has been read! Will report back later.

I agree with you on this. They're adults!

They just cant be bothered can they?

It's funny actually that when my teens tv broke during lockdown there was suddenly a flurry of activity, frantic online research and their bank cards appeared. They were very capable and efficient in that respect.

I suggest changing the WiFi password too until it’s sorted, they can use their phone data to look for a replacement seat but I’m sure it won’t last too long if they are sat watching Netflix on data alone

@Jenjar good on you for the standing firm. Running round after them for everything won’t do them any favours

@SmileyClare yep it’s weird they could source and pay for a TV so quickly

MN is the WORST for babying adult children.

Yes this is part of routine maintenance for the house these ADULTS live in. !! Time for them to wake up and get responsible. !

You tried the carrot now the stick. They want something and you want something.. it's called helping each other out... not just sitting on your arse while your mother works here socks off !!

Good grief. They need to grow up and replace the seat! They're being disgustingly lazy.

I agree with PP that if I could find a way to remove it, I'd be tempted to just take it off and throw it away. (Or hide it somewhere until they have a replacement on order...)

@disorganisedsecretsquirrel

MN is the WORST for babying adult children.

Yes this is part of routine maintenance for the house these ADULTS live in. !! Time for them to wake up and get responsible. !

You tried the carrot now the stick. They want something and you want something.. it's called helping each other out... not just sitting on your arse while your mother works here socks off !!

Surely the babying adults has come from the parent of two children who don’t do anything around the house?