To say this needs fixing before she visits?

[Jenjar]

Shortly after start of lockdown, my (adult) DC cracked the loo seat in their bathroom. As a temp measure they taped it up however I told them they needed to replace it, I would pay for it but I needed them to source a replacement. I have been working FT from home, they are both furloughed. Also it's not a standard loo seat so I knew it wouldn't be a simple trip to B&Q. I have my own bathroom.

So months have passed. It's not been done because they are both lazy and I have enough to do without micro managing them. Eldest now wants girlfriend to visit (not sure if this is within lockdown rules, however they and her family all seem to think it's fine so whatever). I've said they need to fix the loo seat before she does. Cue lots of huffing and puffing and how unfair I'm being and they haven't got time etc.

So AIBU?

I think it’s a little strange to task your adult with sourcing an item needed for routine home maintenance, especially when they’re fairly young and you know it will be hard to find. I would understand you holding them responsible if they had dropped something on the seat and caused it to crack but this just sounds like something that has broken due to normal wear and tear.

If they don't do it now with the incentive of a girlfriend coming around then they will never do it. If I was the girlfriend this would be a definite turn off. Not even adult enough to source a loo seat. It's not even as if you are expecting them to pay for it. No doubt in a few years some poor woman will be on MN complaining that her partner doesn't do anything around the house. I think you probably are doing too much for them already.

If it is an odd shape loo seat just type in the brand of loo and find it on the manufacturer's site and order one online.

You do not need a handyman to fit a loo seat. They will come with instructions and it is a very simple task.

Further the way you described the breakage is as though your DC was doing parkour from it. It is a simple wear and tear issue , in your house, so just sort it out.

I don’t think it matters what it is it’s the principle. If it was mowing the lawn or defrosting the freezer I think you should stick to your guns.

They’re old enough to be furloughed they’re old enough to carry out simple household tasks.

Screwfix or amazon will have a toilet seat to order, just put your dimensions into the search? . I wouldn’t be getting worked up about it

I think it's your house, so you need to get it sorted. You can ask a tradesman to come and have a look at it, if you are struggling to get a seat that fits. Also if it's not a straight forward b&q job, then how can your children help sort and fix it?

They can spend time measuring it and looking on the internet. I am working full time and have been since lockdown started...I am not the only adult in the house, why is everything my job?!

Neither loo seat nor loo have a brand or manufacturer name. A standard loo seat simply will not fit.

Re a handyman...so I have to spend time finding one of those too and dealing with j one? Another thing that's my job?

I honestly hoped the shame of GF visiting might spur them onto do it. They've not achieved much else in the last 4 months.

I'll guarantee that even if I waste my valuable time finding and buying one they wouldn't even fit it.

Like some people on this thread they seem to think everything is down to me.

It's one job you have asked them to do. Not a big deal really. They have just been lazy. Stick to your guns.

They are adults. I imagine they are living their for substantially less than if they chose to move out and rent somewhere. They use the bathroom every day and are off work so have plenty of time. I think it’s very reasonable to expect them to contribute their time to the upkeep of the house, especially the areas they use more than anyone else.

I can’t believe some people on here suggesting OP needs to do it, based on the post I get the impression she probably has to do a lot for them anyway - when they are just as capable as she is. If they were in their own homes they would be expected to do it. Or is OP meant to do it in between wiping their arses because they are still living at home?

I'm with you OP.

This is a reasonable task for a young adult to take on- it's not rocket science, but it is a bit fiddly. Not the end of the world if it doesn't work first time.

What do they do to contribute to running the household?

They've had months to get this seen to. No visitors until it's fixed sounds just fine to me.

It doesn't sound very welcoming and makes you seem a little odd to the GF? Let her stay and remind them about fixing it. Their bathroom, their problem, unless you want to be nice and do it anyway.

@TimeWastingButFun surely it’s the son that’s not welcoming, he doesn’t care enough about her to fix the toilet seat for her visit! This was their reminder.... it’s up to them now!

🤷‍♀️ I'd just do it if it was me.

They clean their own rooms, unload the dishwasher, help move any heavy items I can't carry and put things in the loft as and when...and that's about it.

If it was as simple as ordering a standard one from Amazon or picking it up from B&Q I would have done it myself and left it for them to fit which almost certainly wouldn't have happened. But it's not simple hence delegating it. They have no other responsibility.

You do not need a handyman to fit a loo seat. They will come with instructions and it is a very simple task

You wanna come to see our ensuite loo. Me, DH and 3 different plumbers it took to get ours sorted, and it’s still not brilliant now. Bloody stupid ‘clip on / off’ fixings where the mounts just.wont.stay.in.the.fucking.holes.

Do they do their own washing?

For me, minimum would be own rooms, bathroom and washing.
Load and empty dishwasher.
Vacuum shared areas- hall, stairs, landing.
Take turns to mow the lawn.

Re meals, sometimes having help/someone else cooking is harder, but perhaps a rota to help cooking so they learn from you and a meal a week each that they shop for and prepare.

If they pull their weight, the loo seat won't feel like such a big task.

It's about their attitude isn't it, neither of them have even tried!!

If they had measured and looked and sent you a few links of possibles or said I couldn't find any thing on x y or z fair enough. They just haven't been arsed!

I don't really understand why the loo seat bothers you so much when you don't even have to use it. I would expect them to do more around the house in general though. Do you do their washing and cook for them?

Take the broken seat off and throw it away. This may prompt some action from DC to get a replacement.
Blame it on the Government guidelines on hygiene and Covid living in crevices etc.

Take the broken seat off and throw it away.

Was just going to say this too. But make a note of what it is first so that a new one can be sourced, by them.

I have no idea how to even remove it. The base of the loo is solid so you can't unscrew it from anywhere - there's no underneath if that makes sense?

I'm not bothered for me but for the GF who is visiting. I would be horrified if I went to someone's house and had to sit on a loo seat covered in tape...

I was an adult DC who moved back in with my parents when a relationship broke down.

I'd have done this, and I did hundreds of other things for them.

They're now retired and I'm now moved out but I'm doing more than ever for them - including ordering and fitting a disabled loo seat replacement that I/ they haven't been able to find one of this particular type for about 10 years! I had a look on a specialist website out of interest randomly last week and there it was! So I also ordered some other stuff they needed too and I'm going round to fit it all this afternoon.

All the time I've been working full time and running a business.

That's just a normal adult child and parent relationship, isn't it?

TL:DR I've been the adult child. Of course they should get on with it, and you're a genius for handling it the way you have.