AIBU that this is likely to happen?

[LastRoloIsMine]

OK so this may be a hoax/fake news from twitter but regardless of that and given I have seen so many my tesco/Asda/Hermes driver text me and asked me out posts on MN this worries me.

Back story she went to the pub the bar tender brought her drink said no charge.
She has not been on Tinder for 2 years & has a boyfriend plus her FB is set to highest settings.

AIBU to think this will happen to lots of women who hand over their personal details and I fear it could go further than just a message?

I'm not treated differently because I don't act differently

Victim-blaming much?

I expect it will work both ways, some women are just as pushy as some men.

Sigh. Do these women pose a threat to men in the same way and in the same numbers as men do to women?
The factual answer is no they don't.
Let's not pretend this is an even split it just muddies the waters and makes women6d concerns seem trivial.

I'm not treated differently because I don't act differently.

What does this even mean?

@LonginesPrime Yes, but surely how women choose to respond to societal structural oppression in some sense determined by their own upbringing, and how their personality has been shaped by their own experiences? I have never in my life felt oppressed or that men in general pose a threat - others will feel the opposite. A societal concept just because it is defined as such, will not equally affect everyone.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is, I don't feel especially under threat from predatory men as a result of the track and trace system, any more or less so than I did before it. I therefore have no issue with providing my details to places. Despite the idea of societal oppression of women, that's still the way I feel. I have no reason to be fearful of men because my personal life experiences haven't shaped me in that way. It might have been the use of the word "conditioned" that made me object - it makes women sound like passive objects being "done to" and victimised, as opposed to being active and helping to shape society and their lives.

It might have been the use of the word "conditioned" that made me object - it makes women sound like passive objects being "done to" and victimised, as opposed to being active and helping to shape society and their lives

I can see what you're saying in terms of 'conditioning' implying there's an intention on the part of the person conveying certain messaging. But its not something people deliberately or consciously convey. Patriarchal structures, like other forms of structural oppression, are insidious and often invisible to the naked eye. That's how they thrive.

Personally, I've never viewed the acknowledgement of structural oppression as suggesting that women aren't the captains of their own ships, but I can see what you're getting at in terms of victimhood. Social conditioning is everywhere. No-one in society is immune from social conditioning and it affects everyone (including men) in all sorts of ways and contexts, so it's not that I see women specifically as victims of the patriarchy - we're all victims of the patriarchy (although women are disproportionately disadvantaged by it).

Is it that hard to give false details if this is such a cause for concern?

Or do bartenders want photo ID and a bank statement with address 😂

I've always booked online for restaurants in recent years.
there was a similar thread on here a few days ago (inappropriate text from a delivery driver)
If you receive unexpected contact from leaving your details in this way, report it to the business owner as breach of GDPR regulations - penalties are high, so they will probably take it seriously.

Personally, I'd submit details online, but would refuse to write them down in an openly viewable (to subsequent people signing in) physical register or log.

Personally, I'd submit details online, but would refuse to write them down in an openly viewable (to subsequent people signing in) physical register or log.

The sensible way of doing this is for it to be in an envelope, opened only in the situation where it's necessary - envelopes shredded after a week. Online has plenty of other weaknesses.

Is it that hard to give false details if this is such a cause for concern?

But that defeats the proper purpose of collecting the information that you may want to participate in, simply refusing is likely better, there's no legal requirement to provide (or collect) details.

It means that I expect and accept the same standards from men as women, and I give the same standards to men as women. If someone doesn't show the same courtesy I challenge it regardless of their sex. Men don't hold some special power to do more harm than women, both can be equally damaging or rewarding depending on how you cultivate your interactions with others. In the case of the OP it doesn't actually matter whether this is a man or woman sending the text, it's the breach. Raise the standard, report the breach to his manager (or tbh as I would do, return to the establishment and tell him clearly you wish to speak to the manager to report a breach of GDPR!) rather than it ending up as an excuse not to contribute to efforts of public protection.

Men don't hold some special power to do more harm than women

Erm, ok then

Women should not have to stay at home just because men may target them. I'm involved with various support groups for sexual assault survivors and this type of thing has happened to 8 women I know of.

Test and trace won't work if people are having to give fake numbers.

"Don't go out" is the new "don't wear a short skirt". Rape culture is alive and well sadly.

I'm not treated differently because I don't act differently I was in a relationship for a number of years before he started sexually assaulting me and raping me regularly. I finally had the strength to leave when one night he turned violent and nearly killed me. Please tell me how I could have acted to avoid this? And please tell all of us survivors how much better you are than us because clearly it was our own fault.

some women are just as pushy as some men. Please educate yourself, look up the statistics for female on male violence, rape, sexual assault and murder and then look up the same but with male on female. You don't want to look ignorant and thick your whole life surely?

@Yesitsthethruth123 I can’t remember what he was charged with now, it was around 2004. The police reassured me he’d been arrested though. I still can’t believe he was able to keep his job. Maybe they never found out! I did email them at the time but never got a reply.

Realitea I'm so sorry that happened to you

I had a creepy Dominos driver text me a pervy message once a good fifteen years ago... he got my number off the label on the box!! This isn’t new is my point, creeps are creeps and as long as there have been creeps they’ve found ways to be creepy, this is just a new way. I reported the Domino’s perv and this woman should report this barman.

@yorkshirecountrylass

It means that I expect and accept the same standards from men as women, and I give the same standards to men as women. If someone doesn't show the same courtesy I challenge it regardless of their sex. Men don't hold some special power to do more harm than women, both can be equally damaging or rewarding depending on how you cultivate your interactions with others. In the case of the OP it doesn't actually matter whether this is a man or woman sending the text, it's the breach. Raise the standard, report the breach to his manager (or tbh as I would do, return to the establishment and tell him clearly you wish to speak to the manager to report a breach of GDPR!) rather than it ending up as an excuse not to contribute to efforts of public protection.

You're deluded. The special power men hold, to do more harm than women, is that they're bigger, stronger and tend to be more violent.

I take it you're one of those women who are 6ft 2 and built like a sumo wrestler/bodybuilder, to feel this way?

Some of us are 5ft tall and built like a 12 year old child and definitely feel men can be a threat.

Also, my personal experiences of sexual assault, and other unwanted sexual activity (flashing, public masturbating from strangers) have shown me that some men are definitely a threat.

If you've never experienced that, then good for you. But some of us have.

Thank you @WaterOffADucksCrack 💕