Going behind my SIL's back?

[UserLibra78]

Long story short my OH and his two sisters were given his late mother's house. One of his sister is keen to sell, the other is thinking of keeping it to rent but is not capable financially. My OH and I are actually thinking of buying another house to rent so that in a couple of years time, our ds will be able to either stay/resell.

I spoke to my dad and he is adamant about not telling them and just deal with the estate agent. I am in two minds about it as my OH and his sisters are close and I hate to put him in the situation where he will feel like he is "betraying them". However if I were to tell them now that I am interested in buying the house, they will 100% turn around and say they have decided not to sell after all.

I am sure if my MIL is still alive she will not hesitate to sell it to me, so that we will keep it in the family. But since she is gone my SIL's, who are both very vocal and domineering, will not hesitate in demanding a higher price from me. The reason why I am keen on the house is that it in in perfect location, very good price to rent and my mil had look after the house. I am sure this house is a good investment and not expected to sell anytime soon should we bought it. We will be using my OH equity to tide over any unexpected shortfalls.

What do you guys think is the best way to approach this? Should I follow my dad and jus lt offer the market price? Or should I let them know I am interested at the risk of losing this house and incur a higher price tag?

Thanks

[Durgasarrow]

You can't go behind their backs. That would be a betrayal.

[UserLibra78]

@Durgasarrow

You can't go behind their backs. That would be a betrayal.

Yes I know. Thanks

[Anordinarymum]

Unfortunately Durgasarrow is quite right. There has to be a better way of doing this

[Cherrybakewellard]

You would have to declare your interest at the beginning of the sale under 'conflict of interest' legislation. It's a legal requirement with no way around. So being a secret buyer won't happen.

[UserLibra78]

@Cherrybakewellard

You would have to declare your interest at the beginning of the sale under 'conflict of interest' legislation. It's a legal requirement with no way around. So being a secret buyer won't happen.

I thought the conflict of interest is applied to the agent assigned to the house for sale, not for the person actually buying the house?

[UserLibra78]

@Sheenais

Your dad sounds like a right meddlesome old cunt.

He is the best dad in the world to me

[Monty27]

You sound a bit grabby OP.
Otherwise it just wouldn't be a drama.

[Leflic]

Just skimmed the thread but I would just let the three of them rent it out and divide the profits.

I think you are being a bit opportunistic Op. It’s your dads money not yours so I think the digs at the SIL’s are unwarranted. Everyone sees the potential for money in this. Remember their mum has gone and it’s not just about “a house of memories.”

[IgiveupallthenamesIwantedareg0]

It sounds as if you want a bit of one-upmanship over the SILs.You want to "secretly" be owner of the house and then you will turn around after the deal is done and say "it's MY house now". You should be open from the start, if I was one of the 3 inheritees I would rather sell for less than market value than sell the house to you!

[backseatcookers]

Hi thanks for the suggestion I do not think we can and want to keep it secretive from them, even though after the house is sold they have no reason to even visit the area again.

Yet you claim how important it is to want to continue to make memories in that house with your OH and son?

You sound like you use sentimentality and emotion when it suits you, then presume other people should make decisions based purely on cold hard finances (like you keep saying why wouldn't they sell to you if it's for the same price they'd sell to someone else).

The answer may be due in large part to the fact they don't get on with you and therefore the idea of you living in their parents house is upsetting and feels intrusive. Other people's feelings are just as important to yours.

You seriously don't see how saying stuff like "they have no reason to visit the area again" is unkind and not your place to say? I think you come across to people very differently to the way you think you do.

You had a wide eyed disingenuous reaction to someone saying you were being deceitful, saying you couldn't see how you were and to look further than your title. But you said this:

I spoke to my dad and he is adamant about not telling them and just deal with the estate agent. I am in two minds about it as my OH and his sisters are close and I hate to put him in the situation where he will feel like he is "betraying them". However if I were to tell them now that I am interested in buying the house, they will 100% turn around and say they have decided not to sell after all.

Which would quite literally be devious and deceitful wouldn't it? And it's what you said you were considering, which is all people can go on on here as we only know what you've told us.

You sound like you're making life difficult for everyone involved and holding them and their emotional responses to a much higher standard than you and yours.

[myrtleWilson]

Great post @backseatcookers - I too was struck by the deployment of 'memories' 'keeping it in the family' on the OPs side versus "they" having no need to visit the area again expectation of the SILs...

[Idontgiveagriffindamn]

For me it’s the constant use of ‘I’ that seems off in this. And of course wanting to do it surreptitiously.
If you reframed it as your DH and you want to buy them out of the house that sits better. I’ve purposely put your DH first as he’s the one that currently has a stake in the house. I get that the money is coming from your dad but for this it’s irrelevant and just likely to get backs up.
If one SIL doesn’t want to sell are you willing to jointly own with her?
In any case I think it should be your husband driving the conversation with them and not you as that’s likely to antagonise them.

[UserLibra78]

@backseatcookers

Hi thanks for the suggestion I do not think we can and want to keep it secretive from them, even though after the house is sold they have no reason to even visit the area again.

Yet you claim how important it is to want to continue to make memories in that house with your OH and son?

You sound like you use sentimentality and emotion when it suits you, then presume other people should make decisions based purely on cold hard finances (like you keep saying why wouldn't they sell to you if it's for the same price they'd sell to someone else).

The answer may be due in large part to the fact they don't get on with you and therefore the idea of you living in their parents house is upsetting and feels intrusive. Other people's feelings are just as important to yours.

You seriously don't see how saying stuff like "they have no reason to visit the area again" is unkind and not your place to say? I think you come across to people very differently to the way you think you do.

You had a wide eyed disingenuous reaction to someone saying you were being deceitful, saying you couldn't see how you were and to look further than your title. But you said this:

I spoke to my dad and he is adamant about not telling them and just deal with the estate agent. I am in two minds about it as my OH and his sisters are close and I hate to put him in the situation where he will feel like he is "betraying them". However if I were to tell them now that I am interested in buying the house, they will 100% turn around and say they have decided not to sell after all.

Which would quite literally be devious and deceitful wouldn't it? And it's what you said you were considering, which is all people can go on on here as we only know what you've told us.

You sound like you're making life difficult for everyone involved and holding them and their emotional responses to a much higher standard than you and yours.

Hi thanks for your analysis.Will keep it in mind when I comes to dealing with people now.

Just wondering what do u think:

OH is now keen on the prospect of keeping the house, and I have the means to get it.
Now both SIL have decided they "might" want to team up themselves to buy my OH out.

Should I just let them have it or insist on selling it?

[Kasparovski]

Hi no worries we have decided to go ahead by telling them our intention to buy. Thanks well this now ends the debate; if the sisters want to them they will, if they don’t then they won’t.

[Winter2020]

Just tell them how much you are willing to bid. As you should bid the most you are willing to pay (and it should be based on market value) then if they are willing to pay more they can buy it. I'd play it pretty cool - give them your offer and ask them to think about what they would pay and get back to you. Even if they do say higher than you take it with a pinch of salt until they have seen a mortgage advisor and can back up their offer. There is nothing wrong with marketing the property. You could all agree that if Joe Public is willing to pay more than either of you then it will be sold on the open market.

[Kasparovski]

Putting an offer in by the way (and having that offer accepted) is the easy peasy part of the process of buying by the way; the honeymoon phase. Where all the hassle and aggravation occurs is

• Sellers agreeing to have all personal effects (indoors and outdoors) aka ‘junk’ completely removed from the house by exchange or completion.
  
• sellers getting all service contracts; for boilers etc up to date.
  
• sellers agreeing to pay for any indemnity polices which your solicitor deems necessary to cover risks to you from breach of covenants or any council planning etc.
  
• sellers being reasonable on fixtures and fittings costs; especially curtains, blinds etc.
  

All of this shit causes squabbles aplenty - so the very best of luck to you with that should you choose to progress with the SILS!

[Passiveaggressivewoman]

Three siblings inherit a property. Two of them (including one SIL and the OP/OH), want to buy the property to keep for rent then pass on to their respective sons. So technically, two siblings are interested and will be in competition to buy the house! OP’s dad suggests a sneaky way of beating the competition - a very bad idea IMO.
OP wants advice on how to best to win the ownership/purchase of the house. There’s a history of animosity btw the two SILs and the OP so the SIL who wants to buy the house will most likely win - as SIL who cannot afford to buy would prefer to sell it to the SIL who can. This will breed resentment from OP and her OH’s side.

There’s no way this will end well if it’s sold to any of the siblings. The best thing to do will be to sell the property to a non-member of the family and share the proceeds of the sale amongst all siblings.

OP- I think you come across as wanting to win it at all costs. You seem over invested in it. Let it go. Other properties in the same area will come up in future.

[UserLibra78]

@Passiveaggressivewoman

Three siblings inherit a property. Two of them (including one SIL and the OP/OH), want to buy the property to keep for rent then pass on to their respective sons. So technically, two siblings are interested and will be in competition to buy the house! OP’s dad suggests a sneaky way of beating the competition - a very bad idea IMO.
OP wants advice on how to best to win the ownership/purchase of the house. There’s a history of animosity btw the two SILs and the OP so the SIL who wants to buy the house will most likely win - as SIL who cannot afford to buy would prefer to sell it to the SIL who can. This will breed resentment from OP and her OH’s side.

There’s no way this will end well if it’s sold to any of the siblings. The best thing to do will be to sell the property to a non-member of the family and share the proceeds of the sale amongst all siblings.

OP- I think you come across as wanting to win it at all costs. You seem over invested in it. Let it go. Other properties in the same area will come up in future.

There's no winning here regardless of who got the house. I got it now.

If the SIL owned 2/3 of the house, can she insist on buying my husband share?

Thanks

[Passiveaggressivewoman]

That will be up to your husband to decide if he wants to be bought out of it really.

[backseatcookers]

Should I just let them have it or insist on selling it?

You can't really "insist" on them or "let" them sell something that isn't yours can you?

You sound like you're competitive and that's driving your decision making.

You don't get to make everyone else's decisions.

I'm not sure you've taken on what people have said - that you come across as wanting to win / using emotion and sentimentality when it suits you but not letting other people do the same.

[Whywhywhy321]

@Sheenais

Your dad sounds like a right meddlesome old cunt.

Whatever you think of the op buying the house, calling her dad a “meddlesome old cunt” is disgusting. How would you like it if someone called those YOU love cunts?

Some people on here like the above poster are certainly “C@@ts” themselves!

[lyralalala]

Should I just let them have it or insist on selling it?

You should quietly support your husband while he sorts out the issue with his family home and his sisters

[AllsortsofAwkward]

You're not involved no wonder they don't like you it's between the three of them. Let them have it Jesus you're enjoying this far too much and have a hidden agenda.

[UserLibra78]

@AllsortsofAwkward

You're not involved no wonder they don't like you it's between the three of them. Let them have it Jesus you're enjoying this far too much and have a hidden agenda.

Hi I explained on my previous post that my OH is the one sound out the option of buying the house in the first place. He is asking for my opinion and input as his wife and partner in life. Whatever decision he made will impact upon his family.

Then I went to ask my dad what should I do. He gave me his opinion and the financial support. Knowing the history of my SILs, he suggested the move of simply just dealing with the estate agents.

So when I say I. I was mainly thinking about how can I do to enhance the chance of OH getting the house. I feel that the way I had been portray is someone who just want to grab the house for her own financial gains, while leaving her own OH to stew with his sisters. This is simply not the case.

We will not living in this house should we get it. We have plans to rent it to someone that as part of the rent reduction agreement, will look after the house until my ds can take over. He will either live in or sell, is up to him.