Going behind my SIL's back?

[UserLibra78]

Long story short my OH and his two sisters were given his late mother's house. One of his sister is keen to sell, the other is thinking of keeping it to rent but is not capable financially. My OH and I are actually thinking of buying another house to rent so that in a couple of years time, our ds will be able to either stay/resell.

I spoke to my dad and he is adamant about not telling them and just deal with the estate agent. I am in two minds about it as my OH and his sisters are close and I hate to put him in the situation where he will feel like he is "betraying them". However if I were to tell them now that I am interested in buying the house, they will 100% turn around and say they have decided not to sell after all.

I am sure if my MIL is still alive she will not hesitate to sell it to me, so that we will keep it in the family. But since she is gone my SIL's, who are both very vocal and domineering, will not hesitate in demanding a higher price from me. The reason why I am keen on the house is that it in in perfect location, very good price to rent and my mil had look after the house. I am sure this house is a good investment and not expected to sell anytime soon should we bought it. We will be using my OH equity to tide over any unexpected shortfalls.

What do you guys think is the best way to approach this? Should I follow my dad and jus lt offer the market price? Or should I let them know I am interested at the risk of losing this house and incur a higher price tag?

Thanks

[Nottherealslimshady]

Surely just let them get it valued and agree to sell at that price then say you'll buy it off them at that price.

Sounds like they haven't decided to even sell yet and you're wanting to buy it then if they dont want to you'll say it's to spite you. It's their mums house, give them chance to decide what they want to do.

[Notonthestairs]

If you are determined to do this you need to be straightforward and open. Make an offer and let them decide. They may decide to go to market and either you will outbid or they will come back to your offer. I think it would be reprehensible to try and disguise your identity as a buyer.

You've said your DH is close to his siblings don't damage that relationship- particularly given that they are grieving.

[UserLibra78]

@WorraLiberty

Guys is there any suggestion on how to break the conversation?

Yes, butt out.

Your OH can't afford to buy his mum's home. You can't afford to buy his mum's home either (hence your dad having to step in).

If his sister can afford to buy her mum's home then she should be able to do it.

My sil cannot afford to buy us out. My OH and I are able to? It shouldn't matter where the money coming from. Will it change the picture if I said my sil is using the money we loaned her to buy the house?

[TARSCOUT]

Listen if they won't even sell you ornaments they definitely won't want to sell you the house. Walk away. Plenty more houses to buy.

[WhereYouLeftIt]

Hmm. This does not sound like a happy set of siblings to me. Not sure I'd be too bothered about being in their bad books/shunned. Your OH may feel differently though and it's for him to decide whether to bring the hostility to the surface or whether to keep on pretending it isn't there.

The sisters would find out you are the purchaser and by the sound of it would withdraw from the sale through sheer spite.

You could try and progress the purchase up to the point when the purchaser's name comes out. Then take the line of "I didn't want you to feel obliged to sell it to me for less than the market value so I decided to be just a buyer like any other". (You know they'd increase the price but you can pretend otherwise.) They'd still probably withdraw from the sale.

I'd forget it, you're not going to be able to buy this house no matter what. Unless you're particularly keen to have them demonstrate their dislike of you by paying over the odds for the house.

Walk away. It's a can of worms. Poisonous worms.

[Fatted]

Just ask to buy them out. If they put up the price then walk away. Letting this house go is the risk that you take. Better to let a house and memories go than cause an absolute bloody shit storm destroy a family.

I also think if you are looking to buy a house to rent, then it is best to do so with one that doesn't have an emotional connection to you. I rented from an accidental landlord and it was terrible that they never accepted that it wasn't there home anymore. My DM considered renting out her DM house when the credit crunch kicked off and the house wasn't selling. But even she admitted it would be too hard to see someone else living in her mother's house. It was better to cut ties and walk away.

[lockdownalli]

TBH it just sounds like you want to get one over on them.

[UserLibra78]

@Nottherealslimshady

Surely just let them get it valued and agree to sell at that price then say you'll buy it off them at that price.

Sounds like they haven't decided to even sell yet and you're wanting to buy it then if they dont want to you'll say it's to spite you. It's their mums house, give them chance to decide what they want to do.

Thanks for the message yes keeping it in the family will be the Best option. I will not spite them for it.

[Iverunoutofnames]

DH wanted to buy his brother out of his share of his parents house. BIL wanted to charge him more! We walked away (I didn’t want to buy it anyway). But then he’s a twat so probably not a good comparison.

[WorraLiberty]

My sil cannot afford to buy us out. My OH and I are able to? It shouldn't matter where the money coming from. Will it change the picture if I said my sil is using the money we loaned her to buy the house?

Now I'm even more confused.

You've said it's not a joint purchase between you and your OH, so he's not able to is he?

You've also said Other sister that want to buy decided she has the money after all

So which is it?

[AlternativeVisionRequired]

Are you married, OP? If so, you need to be aware that the house is likely to be a joint asset should you divorce in the future, whether your OH’s name is on the paperwork or not. I hope you are involving your solicitor in all this.

[Freddiefox]

I spoke to my dad and he is adamant about not telling them and just deal with the estate agent.

Bring adamant doesn’t imply ‘couldn’t careless’

I think you really want the house, and don’t really care how your in laws feel and the effect it will have on their relationship as long as you get what you want.

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1]

you won't be able to buy the house secretely anyway, because they will have to declare it's you buying the property and as you said yourself they will pull out.

so the whole thread is a moot point really.

[UserLibra78]

@WhereYouLeftIt

Hmm. This does not sound like a happy set of siblings to me. Not sure I'd be too bothered about being in their bad books/shunned. Your OH may feel differently though and it's for him to decide whether to bring the hostility to the surface or whether to keep on pretending it isn't there.

The sisters would find out you are the purchaser and by the sound of it would withdraw from the sale through sheer spite.

You could try and progress the purchase up to the point when the purchaser's name comes out. Then take the line of "I didn't want you to feel obliged to sell it to me for less than the market value so I decided to be just a buyer like any other". (You know they'd increase the price but you can pretend otherwise.) They'd still probably withdraw from the sale.

I'd forget it, you're not going to be able to buy this house no matter what. Unless you're particularly keen to have them demonstrate their dislike of you by paying over the odds for the house.

Walk away. It's a can of worms. Poisonous worms.

I feel so sad reading your post as it drudge up so much memories. I just hate the fact that they just sell sell sell with no regards of anything.

That is why I spoke to my dad. My OH is quite excited about the prospect of keeping the house and has no qualms about speaking to his sisters.

[Sometimeswinning]

So when you buy the house will it then be split between the 3. So dh gets your money but it's his?

[comingintomyown]

This all sounds ridiculous. Once a price has been agreed that the house will be marketed at and assuming you want to pay that then put your proposal to them to buy the house pointing out how they would financially benefit. It sounds so childish saying oh but then suddenly the asking price will go up because it’s you.
It all sounds very odd and there is a whiff of lady of the manor about you I’m afraid

[UserLibra78]

I do not think they will pull out if they get to that stage as they need/want the money. Is the aftermath.

[Winter2020]

They are perfectly entitled to decide not to sell the house to you or to want a higher price. Nobody has to sell to anybody they can decline an offer. If you buy the hoyse secretly expect your husbands relationship with his sister to be over.

You say that your dad operates by different rules as he is a "businessman". Businessmen do not have to screw over their own family.

If people are not clamouring to buy the property but you want to I assume it is priced fairly for the area. So why not buy it openly? Or if they decline your offer buy another house priced fairly for the area? I think you do want to get one over on them even if you don't like that side of yourself. There are other houses. What's so special about this one that no one except for you is seeing?

How did they "lose money" on FILs place? Because they sold it and it later went up in value? or it rents for a good price? They took that money (it's value at the time) and spent it or saved it. They lost nothing. If they wanted to put it towards an investment property they could have. Surely other similar houses in the same area went up by the same amount or rented for a similar amount?

[Notonthestairs]

They are entitled to sell their inheritances as they agree between themselves. You seem very invested in their items. It's a bit odd.

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1]

You keep changing your story. First you said they wouldn't sell it to you, now you're saying they would sell it to you.

[Boulshired]

My SIL did something similar but she waited until they had an offer then matched it. It meant everyone knew the offer was market value and stopped any future questioning of guide prices. Right now estate agents are guessing. It was a bit shit on the person who offered and the estate agent but no family disputes happened.

[Yankathebear]

This sounds very driven by you rather than your Dp.
Do you always get your own way?

[UserLibra78]

@comingintomyown

This all sounds ridiculous. Once a price has been agreed that the house will be marketed at and assuming you want to pay that then put your proposal to them to buy the house pointing out how they would financially benefit. It sounds so childish saying oh but then suddenly the asking price will go up because it’s you.
It all sounds very odd and there is a whiff of lady of the manor about you I’m afraid

Haha please trust me I am no lady of the Manor. The assumption on price hike is based on previous dealing with them.

I will be asking my OH to tell them we are willing to buy the house once they are ready to sell, at the market value, and see if I can match/outbid potential buyers.

Thank you guys for the suggestions.

[MatildaTheCat]

We sold my PIL’s house last year. I cannot ever imagine trying to have bought that house secretly and it having a happy outcome. Houses are homes, have huge emotional ties for many people and clearly you don’t care at all about this and seem fixated at getting the house at any cost to family relationships.

It’s a very, very strange desire and you appear to be deliberately taking some of the advice here in a way that suits you and not as intended.

This will not end well. Stay out of it and buy another house.

[Blueroses99]

I think honesty is the best policy. How about saying something like “I’ve been looking to buy a rental property and MILs house is perfect. I’ll offer X (asking price) and you will receive Y without any estate agent fees taken off. Otherwise you’ll have to take your chances on the open market but then there will be fees to pay and it looks like house prices might drop over the next couple of years.” Leave it at that. Don’t enter into negotiation on higher prices or convince them to sell to you. If they decide to sell to you, it’s a win win. If they don’t, be prepared to walk away and look for another house.