Going behind my SIL's back?

[UserLibra78]

Long story short my OH and his two sisters were given his late mother's house. One of his sister is keen to sell, the other is thinking of keeping it to rent but is not capable financially. My OH and I are actually thinking of buying another house to rent so that in a couple of years time, our ds will be able to either stay/resell.

I spoke to my dad and he is adamant about not telling them and just deal with the estate agent. I am in two minds about it as my OH and his sisters are close and I hate to put him in the situation where he will feel like he is "betraying them". However if I were to tell them now that I am interested in buying the house, they will 100% turn around and say they have decided not to sell after all.

I am sure if my MIL is still alive she will not hesitate to sell it to me, so that we will keep it in the family. But since she is gone my SIL's, who are both very vocal and domineering, will not hesitate in demanding a higher price from me. The reason why I am keen on the house is that it in in perfect location, very good price to rent and my mil had look after the house. I am sure this house is a good investment and not expected to sell anytime soon should we bought it. We will be using my OH equity to tide over any unexpected shortfalls.

What do you guys think is the best way to approach this? Should I follow my dad and jus lt offer the market price? Or should I let them know I am interested at the risk of losing this house and incur a higher price tag?

Thanks

[SmudgeButt]

Surely the house was valued as part of you MiL's estate? I know this happens in some situations/countries so that the shared value of assets can be divided fairly. And the estate agent should be able to advise on the current price. If you want it that badly get DH (with you too?) to talk to his sisters about allowing him (& you) to buy it at a fair price that will give them a bundle of cash quickly.

to try to do it in secret, particularly without your DH knowing is a recipe for disaster and possibly divorce.

[Winter2020]

I think if you buy it at the moment then there is a reasonable chance it will be worth tens of thousands less in a year or two and your sister in laws will feel quite smug about that.

Be open and offer market value. Let them think about it. If no other offers come in they may want you to go ahead but will you start to get cold feet if no one else wants it at that price? If someone else offers more you will have to up your bid or lose it.

It feels like you want it as a way of getting one over on your SILs - like them knowing and agreeing to you buying it takes the shine off?

[Veiaola]

I think it's unlikely u can do it secretly, I personally would just tell them you want to buy it as it sounds perfect for what you want it for, if you paying the market price they should just be happy that it's sold quickly without any hassles quite frankly.

[Honeyroar]

If one of the sisters does really wants to buy her mother’s house then I think you should step back. If your oh thinks there will be a rift in his relationship with his sisters if you buy the house then perhaps you should buy something else. I know it’s your purchase, but it greatly affects him and will ruin your relationship with your sils (which obviously isn’t that good even now if you think they won’t sell to you or would put the price up).

[Freddiefox]

It’s all sounds like it will be very messy tbh, and I think it’s strange for you and your dad to be so fixed on buying this house.
It will cause a rift you and your dad know this.
Why do you want to cause a rift?

Put your self in your sil position, you have tried to purchased (in secret) their family home. Either be upfront about it, make a serious offer or look elsewhere, there are plenty of bargains to be had at the moment.

[UserLibra78]

@Winter2020

I think if you buy it at the moment then there is a reasonable chance it will be worth tens of thousands less in a year or two and your sister in laws will feel quite smug about that.

Be open and offer market value. Let them think about it. If no other offers come in they may want you to go ahead but will you start to get cold feet if no one else wants it at that price? If someone else offers more you will have to up your bid or lose it.

It feels like you want it as a way of getting one over on your SILs - like them knowing and agreeing to you buying it takes the shine off?

Hi I will not think of getting one over them in a million years. If I have, I will no qualms about doing thing my dad way (he is a businessman so he can't think like I do).

The same thing happened to another house my fil used to owned. Instead of keeping it in the family all three ( including my OH) of them decided for a quick sale and lost a shed load of money. Granted this was when they can't be bother with the hassle of renters.

My OH is totally on my side as he would love a side project to take on. The previous sale ( which I had advise him Not to sell and buy them out l) fell on dead ears. That is why this time he also wants the house.

[DDiva]

This seems like alot of hassle for a house that although in a good location is not that special to you.

I'd find a house without family complications.

[Ch0colatecake]

UserLibra78 If they are using an estate agent, won’t the price be what the market value Of the property is? Why would they want more from you, when it’s won’t be worth that much?

[WorraLiberty]

Your OH can't afford to buy his mum's house.

His sister can, so she should be able to.

You and your dad really shouldn't be getting involved.

[bitofasleuth]

What if you dad just buys it?

[MidnightCitrus]

Either offer or don't, don't go behind their backs.

It will be obvious if they are putting the price up if its to you as they have a price on it already?

[Sushiroller]

From experience. Sell it and Buy another house.

Anything else will lead to a shit show.

[Appuskidu]

However if I were to tell them now that I am interested in buying the house, they will 100% turn around and say they have decided not to sell after all.

Why do you think this?

Why do you think they would suddenly put the price up if they found out it was you buying it?!

[UserLibra78]

I had a lengthy discussion with my OH about the best way forward. To save them commission to the estate agents ( in turns saving my OH) too I am willing to give them the price the estate agent has quoted.

You guys are right that my SIL's and I do not have the best relationship. But why can't they just treat me as another potential buyer paying the price they are willing to accept after all?

I had try to picture if i am in their shoes. I will try to stump up the money, if I cant how can I begrudge the other sister or my brother buying the house? And what does it say about them wanting a higher price knowing is one of their family that wants it?

Guys is there any suggestion on how to break the conversation?

[Coffeecak3]

If your dil would want a higher price from you then personally I wouldn't be worried about the relationship because it doesn't seem good anyway.
Let them put house on the market at fair price.
Offer fair price.
If she tries to up price call her bluff and walk away.
Someone else offers market price.
Get estate agent to anonymously offer slightly more.
Underhand yes.
Fun, oh yes.
Play them at their own game.

[BBCONEANDTWO]

Get your OH to break the conversation.

[UserLibra78]

@Freddiefox

It’s all sounds like it will be very messy tbh, and I think it’s strange for you and your dad to be so fixed on buying this house.
It will cause a rift you and your dad know this.
Why do you want to cause a rift?

Put your self in your sil position, you have tried to purchased (in secret) their family home. Either be upfront about it, make a serious offer or look elsewhere, there are plenty of bargains to be had at the moment.

Haha my dad is not fixated at all he cannot care less. I was just seeking his advice to see what he will do.

[Andwoooshtheyweregone]

Are they not very nice people? Why would the drive up the price if they knew you were buying it that makes no sense at all!

[UserLibra78]

@BBCONEANDTWO

Get your OH to break the conversation.

Thanks I will let him know

[Coffeecak3]

Sil autocorrect

[chocorabbit]

@Davodia

They can’t decide not to sell. Your DH is entitled to have his share. If they want to keep the house they will have to buy him out. If they can’t buy him out they will be forced to sell.

Tell them that by selling to you they can achieve a quick sale that’s guaranteed not to fall through, and they won’t have to pay any commission to an estate agent. Or they can be awkward and sell it to someone else but they’ll end up with less in their pockets. Not selling isn’t an option.

Unfortunately, from what I have read you can't force your siblings to sell. In our case SIL is living in PIL's house rent free, bills free, they are both incapactitated and have various disabilities but she NEVER helps or tidies up her crap which is all over the house blocking entries and exits to the garden etc, she has broken so many things for which DH has paid so many times. She is "expected" to move out (they have said it for years) but we know that she will NEVER move out. Oh and her kids tell us that it's THEIR house and we should never visit.

You are welcome to correct me if I am wrong and I hope I am but MIL refuses to make a will and put a clause that specifies that the house is to be sold because she wants SIL to have a chance to live there if she hasn't moved out. From what I have read only that clause can force siblings to sell. In our case SIL might even pretend that she is willing to sell her share to DH only to request an insane amount of money in the hope that we won't be able to afford it and she won't have to move out.

[Honeyroar]

On one hand you say your oh won’t be involved in the purchase but then you say he wants the house too...??

Only you can say why they don’t want you to purchase the house. I get the feeling there are things in the family history where you’ve perhaps unwittingly done something that upsets them?

Perhaps let your OH tell them he wants to buy it? Or could that actually be the issue- that it won’t be still in the family as it won’t be your oh’s, just yours? Or perhaps they don’t want to see their mother’s house changed? They’d rather sell it to someone who they won’t see doing it up etc?

[WorraLiberty]

Guys is there any suggestion on how to break the conversation?

Yes, butt out.

Your OH can't afford to buy his mum's home. You can't afford to buy his mum's home either (hence your dad having to step in).

If his sister can afford to buy her mum's home then she should be able to do it.

[UserLibra78]

@Andwoooshtheyweregone

Are they not very nice people? Why would the drive up the price if they knew you were buying it that makes no sense at all!

They knew I can afford more that's why.

The same situation happened multiple times. When my FIl passed away they tried to sell several of his ornaments in the house. I said I will buy it at the price whoever offered ( I will beb uying at a loss here as I am buying them for keepsake purposes) but once knowing I am interested they will either change their mind about the price or keep it. Hence I know they will do the same with the house.

[Josette77]

I think you walk away. This is their mother's house and tied up in all their memories. You are not their sister, and you obviously don't get along well. I would not do this to them. It's cruel.