Going behind my SIL's back?

[UserLibra78]

Long story short my OH and his two sisters were given his late mother's house. One of his sister is keen to sell, the other is thinking of keeping it to rent but is not capable financially. My OH and I are actually thinking of buying another house to rent so that in a couple of years time, our ds will be able to either stay/resell.

I spoke to my dad and he is adamant about not telling them and just deal with the estate agent. I am in two minds about it as my OH and his sisters are close and I hate to put him in the situation where he will feel like he is "betraying them". However if I were to tell them now that I am interested in buying the house, they will 100% turn around and say they have decided not to sell after all.

I am sure if my MIL is still alive she will not hesitate to sell it to me, so that we will keep it in the family. But since she is gone my SIL's, who are both very vocal and domineering, will not hesitate in demanding a higher price from me. The reason why I am keen on the house is that it in in perfect location, very good price to rent and my mil had look after the house. I am sure this house is a good investment and not expected to sell anytime soon should we bought it. We will be using my OH equity to tide over any unexpected shortfalls.

What do you guys think is the best way to approach this? Should I follow my dad and jus lt offer the market price? Or should I let them know I am interested at the risk of losing this house and incur a higher price tag?

Thanks

[Viviennemary]

It's up to you how you go about it. But if I was in the position of your sils I wouldn't be keen to sell to you either under the circumstances. Especially as your OH is to have no part of the house. I'd rather lose money.

[SusieOwl4]

@UserLibra78

Who is handling probate and the estate?

I can’t see the point of anyone putting the price up . You get three valuations . Offer what you want . The executor either accepts or refuses . If they don’t like your offer then just leave it sitting there?

Who cares who gets the house as long as it’s market value?

Then the funds get split 3 ways.

I can’t see what the drama is .

[Techway]

Your OH has a good relationship with them so it was up to him to raise FIL properties. If he was upset he should have raised it. It isn't up to you to judge or stir.

They don't like you so they won't help you. That is a shame for you and your OH but this isn't a vital purchase so not worth the risk of impacting his close relationship. People act weird after losing a parent so cut them some slack and let the 3 siblings sort it out.

You buying it is an option but one they can legimately refuse. It's not irrational to sell to who you want, maybe they would like a new family to move in and make it a family home once again.

[SusieOwl4]

@Viviennemary

Why ? He will get a third of the value of the house from the estate whoever buys the house .

He is no worse or no better off ?

[Viviennemary]

It probably isn't logical. But I'd rather it stayed in the family or went to a stranger. I wouldn't really consider sils true family if I wasn't keen on them. You sound out to make a quick buck out of this. Not nice.

[UserLibra78]

@DramaDromedary

Why do you want to buy all your PIL’s things? First ornaments, now house. It’s weird, they’re not your parents, and if I was your sister in law, I wouldn’t want to sell to you either.

Does people not keep family heirlooms anymore?

[UserLibra78]

@Viviennemary

It probably isn't logical. But I'd rather it stayed in the family or went to a stranger. I wouldn't really consider sils true family if I wasn't keen on them. You sound out to make a quick buck out of this. Not nice.

A quick buck? How can that be if I am paying the market price?

[Chloemol]

Just advise them that you would like to buy the property at market rate, and make an offer of asking price

If they say no, then say ok and walk away, if your dh and his sister want to sell, then the sister that wants to rent it out loses and it’s sold, proceeds split and that’s it

But also tell them if you walk away then all three remain responsible for the property until it is sold, which may take months

[DramaDromedary]

But they’re not your parents! They’re your sisters-in-law’s parents. Why are you claiming an emotional attachment to their parents’ stuff? Is this part of the reason they don’t like you, would you say? (I realise I’m not solving your problem- I just think the way you talk about it is very odd...)

[Notonthestairs]

You are making this about you. It's your husband and his sibling heirlooms. They need to reach a joint decision they are all comfortable with.

Make your offer and then step back. You can't control the outcome here so don't try.

[HyacynthBucket]

This happened to me when my mother died, and I inherited a third share of her house with my brothers. One of them said he would like to buy the house if the other two of us would agree. I did agree to sell my share to him, but unknown to me, the other brother who did not ask me anything, was also a buyer, so they ended up jointly owning the house, having bought my share. It is hard to describe the sense of betrayal I had from the brother who went behind my back in this way.
Keep it above board and open. Your husband could offer to buy his sisters' shares of the house, and your name could be added later if it is a problem for them if you are a buyer now.

[UserLibra78]

@DramaDromedary

But they’re not your parents! They’re your sisters-in-law’s parents. Why are you claiming an emotional attachment to their parents’ stuff? Is this part of the reason they don’t like you, would you say? (I realise I’m not solving your problem- I just think the way you talk about it is very odd...)

They are my OH's parents!

I think I had used the word 'I' too much and sounds as if I have been coveting my OH's family items. The truth is in my opinion, they are worthless but priceless. They represent memories of my OH when he is growing up, having something physical in the house, in a way for me is having a piece of memory with you. And I would like that for my OH and our son. Is this bad?

[CherrytreeView]

We had a very similar situation recently. We waited until it had been agreed that the house was to be sold, and then had the valuations done - at which point we then told the others we were interested in buying and offered the market price. Annoyingly, one estate agent had (we got 4 valuations) gave a very unrealistic valuation of £30k-£50k higher and the family didn't want to accept our offer, because they thought they could get more for it. It went on the market for 5 months with no offers, then it had 2 offers at the price we offered and in the end they went ahead with ours.
That said, there were some issues with the family. For instance, they felt it was unfair because others in the family couldn't buy it. However, we made it clear that we could afford it, and if the others could then they could also put an offer in. They seemed to think we were being handed the property and not buying it!!

If you're all close, you could express interest - they can't demand more than market value for it anyway. However, I'd personally wait until you'd all agreed you wanted to sell it and then offer once you've had valuations. If you don't say anything and "anonymously" buy, they'll find out the buyer and that will cause more issues because it looks dishonest.

[MirandaGoshawk]

I would butter up the one who wants to sell ( or better, get DH to) and tell her what a good idea it would be to sell to you - no hassles with chain, you'll pay the (agent's) asking price without haggling, etc.

[DramaDromedary]

And I would like that for my OH and our son. Is this bad?
That entirely depends on how your OH feels about it. What you want is entirely irrelevant, IMO.

[RedOasis]

Just make an offer to estate agent. Tell them you want remain silent at this time. Once offer is accepted you are good to go. Surely that won’t go back on acceptance and then demand more money from you?

[Whywhywhy321]

@UserLibra78

If the situation reversed my sil decided to buy the house herself, should we just step over and let her have it? Or can we also raise the price ( which I will never do) or insist on selling it to an outsiders?

Something like this, but the opposite way, happened with my dm’s house. House was left to be split between myself and 3 siblings when dm passed away. ‘D’b decided he would like to buy it but cheaper than valuation. It wasn’t a sentimental decision, and he had never lived in the house, but a business proposition to add to his other 3 rented accommodations. House was valued at £160k and he wanted to buy it at £120k which would be £90k after his share taken off. He also wanted all contents to be left in the house (despite them being left exclusively to ds and I in dm’s will) and I know he took things that he had no right to, which he denied. To be honest I would have rather burned it down than let him have it at that price. It was put on the market much to his annoyance and an offer came in at £165k, which was fair, but brother then said that he thought that wasn’t enough and we shouldn’t sell it so cheaply!! Luckily he was out voted and the house was sold.To give you an idea of how mean ‘d’b was he claimed £1.50 from the estate, for a light bulb! I am now NC with him.

IMHO there will almost always be issues when one sibling wants to buy parents house,

[Seeingadistance]

You do seem to be overly involved in your OH’s family matters. It’s for the three siblings to decide what to do with their inheritance. They haven’t even made a decision about whether or not to sell and you’re already anticipating all sorts of problems when you make an offer to buy.

You’re looking for trouble here. Buy another house.

[GrumpyHoonMain]

@Coffeecak3

When my fil died it was as if my dh didn't count and his 2 younger siblings were the only ones grieving.
He often got phone calls along the lines of ' I've been to the house and I'm taking ..specific item.
Whatever it was my dh always said ok.
One day I said to dh that his mum's old Kenwood would be ideal for dd but perhaps his siblings may object.
He finally snapped back. They were my parents too.
Many pp's on this thread have a similar opinion and forget the Op's dh has the same emotions as his sisters and he counts too.

My aunt and cousin did this with the very few bits of jewellry my grandmother owned. So the grandchildren she lived with / raised (us; her son’s kids) now don’t have anything left to remember her by. I was so furious especially since my cousin didn’t even bother to see my gran, but was banned from saying anything by my dad. Years later this still stings because I would never in a million years behave this way to my neice.

[Greydrapex]

It’s a shit thing to do and you know it!

[sonicbook]

This would be awful and I cannot help but feel you'd enjoy it on some level which makes it worse.

[pinotgrigio]

Could you buy it via a trust so your name isn't exposed? I don't know how it works in the UK (so no idea if it is possible) but in Oz I rented a house that was owned through a trust and never found out who actually owned it.

[bluebells1]

In the long term, is it worth all this angst? Just let it go, and buy another property. It is not worth spoiling any semblance of a relationship just for this.

[UserLibra78]

@sonicbook

This would be awful and I cannot help but feel you'd enjoy it on some level which makes it worse.

Just so you know I rarely see them but my OH used to meet up with them at my MIL once a month. So in short following your logic of try to get one over them, I will not have the chance per se.

I have long since learned that there's is no point bending backwards over trying to win over people that just do not like me. There will be no love lost between my SIL's and me.

[MadinMarch]

OP, did you say earlier that one of your SIL's and her children are currently living in the property?
If so, then it's very understandable that she would like to buy the house. If she can do this at the market value, it would be incredibly mean not to let her as the other sil wants to sell anyway, and your OH doesn't seem ( from what you say) hellbent on buying his mother's house.
If you did end up buying this house you would potentially be your sil's landlord. Alternatively if you insisted on vacant possession when you bought the house, you will forever be viewed as making your SIL homeless. Or, your sil may refuse to move out from the house and you will be embroiled in lenghy court proceedings.
It just seems an awful proposition for you to buy this house. Just go and buy another instead, and avoid the hassle and bad feeling that will probably last the rest of your lives.