Going behind my SIL's back?

[UserLibra78]

Long story short my OH and his two sisters were given his late mother's house. One of his sister is keen to sell, the other is thinking of keeping it to rent but is not capable financially. My OH and I are actually thinking of buying another house to rent so that in a couple of years time, our ds will be able to either stay/resell.

I spoke to my dad and he is adamant about not telling them and just deal with the estate agent. I am in two minds about it as my OH and his sisters are close and I hate to put him in the situation where he will feel like he is "betraying them". However if I were to tell them now that I am interested in buying the house, they will 100% turn around and say they have decided not to sell after all.

I am sure if my MIL is still alive she will not hesitate to sell it to me, so that we will keep it in the family. But since she is gone my SIL's, who are both very vocal and domineering, will not hesitate in demanding a higher price from me. The reason why I am keen on the house is that it in in perfect location, very good price to rent and my mil had look after the house. I am sure this house is a good investment and not expected to sell anytime soon should we bought it. We will be using my OH equity to tide over any unexpected shortfalls.

What do you guys think is the best way to approach this? Should I follow my dad and jus lt offer the market price? Or should I let them know I am interested at the risk of losing this house and incur a higher price tag?

Thanks

[Kasparovski]

I’d make a good offer and just leave that offer on the table - even if they reject it, just leave it on the table. Hosting viewings, getting EA feedback, presenting a house for viewing is a tiring business especially if it goes on for many months. They may say no initially but accept that you’re the best option in the end. I have to say though OP, I really question your motivations for wanting this ....is it a power thing? Is it flexing muscle over your SILs in someway? As an aside, I hope you’ve calculated the higher rated 2nd home stamp duty that you will pay?

[UserLibra78]

@MadinMarch

OP, did you say earlier that one of your SIL's and her children are currently living in the property?
If so, then it's very understandable that she would like to buy the house. If she can do this at the market value, it would be incredibly mean not to let her as the other sil wants to sell anyway, and your OH doesn't seem ( from what you say) hellbent on buying his mother's house.
If you did end up buying this house you would potentially be your sil's landlord. Alternatively if you insisted on vacant possession when you bought the house, you will forever be viewed as making your SIL homeless. Or, your sil may refuse to move out from the house and you will be embroiled in lenghy court proceedings.
It just seems an awful proposition for you to buy this house. Just go and buy another instead, and avoid the hassle and bad feeling that will probably last the rest of your lives.

The house is empty now nobody is living inside atm.

[Kasparovski]

You could offer to be a back up buyer if they can’t shift it to others? But obviously if you did get the house, given the personalities you’ve described, you should expect to have them stick their beaks into every small thing you’d ever end up doing to the place.

[mumwon]

if you are going to rent house out as business its best not to be emotionally attached to it - it wont be your home it will be the tenants home even if you won it - I say this as a LL
People often view being a LL as a straightforward way to make money - it isn't - there are rules & costs & maintenance & the relationship with the tenant (or agent & don't imagine they will do everything - you will still need to keep a close eye on it)
All of the above can break down & getting the "right" tenant" & keeping them (happy) is an artform & luck. If it were me in this situation I wouldn't buy this property - I would let the family sell it as I can see family issues ahead & bad feeling. Better to look around & find a good property & make a lower offer as you are paying cash & it will be easier for you to rent as you wont have personal feelings towards it if tenant doesn't take care of it the way you would -

[UserLibra78]

@Kasparovski

I’d make a good offer and just leave that offer on the table - even if they reject it, just leave it on the table. Hosting viewings, getting EA feedback, presenting a house for viewing is a tiring business especially if it goes on for many months. They may say no initially but accept that you’re the best option in the end. I have to say though OP, I really question your motivations for wanting this ....is it a power thing? Is it flexing muscle over your SILs in someway? As an aside, I hope you’ve calculated the higher rated 2nd home stamp duty that you will pay?

Pure investment + sentimental value supersede what I think of my SIL's. Considering what they done I am justified in how I feel about them. I rarely see them and they do not live in the same area as me.

[diddl]

What a bloody drama!

Can't your OH just tell his sister's that he wants to buy them out?

[Rainycloudyday]

Haven’t RTFT but they as the owners have every right to sell to whoever they want at whatever price they want. It’s not uncommon for vendors to accept a lower price from someone they want to sell to or vice versa. You have no right to be the buyer at the price you deem appropriate, by deceiving them and as PPs have said it’s probably not possible anyway. You will ruin your partners relationship with his sisters. You sound devious and thoroughly unpleasant. Make an offer and if they refuse it, but another house. You don’t have the right to buy this one, the owners (all of them) have all the power here. Is that what bothers you?

[UserLibra78]

@Rainycloudyday

Haven’t RTFT but they as the owners have every right to sell to whoever they want at whatever price they want. It’s not uncommon for vendors to accept a lower price from someone they want to sell to or vice versa. You have no right to be the buyer at the price you deem appropriate, by deceiving them and as PPs have said it’s probably not possible anyway. You will ruin your partners relationship with his sisters. You sound devious and thoroughly unpleasant. Make an offer and if they refuse it, but another house. You don’t have the right to buy this one, the owners (all of them) have all the power here. Is that what bothers you?

Thank you for your message. I thought I was being fair in trying to buy the house at the market price, and keeping the house in the family. I was trying to think of in what way am I being devious and unpleasant?

If you are my SIL's, you will be selling it anyway, does it matter who you are selling it to? And please do not forget my OH owned 1/3 of the house, he has a say too. And this is coming from someone who has witnessed you pleading various excuses in taking away valuable properties in the house without consulting your brother first.

If you, again, as my sil, will you be thinking of your sibling first if you have the means to buy the house? Or would you also sell it to other people rather than buying the house for yourself? If you try various ways to stop your brother (your sil) buying the house just because you do not like them, what does it says about you?

[Notonthestairs]

"in what way am I being devious and unpleasant?" Have you forgotten the title of your thread?

[SummerCherry]

Sounds like a can of worms there. Why do you particularly want this home and not others? There has to be a massively good reason to not tell SILs and I don’t think yours is good enough.

[Techway]

Many people have explained why your SILs won't want to sell to you and it would be devious to go behind their backs. You seem to lack empathy?

You don't like your SILs and they don't like you so stay out of his family and don't do anything to cause him to have to take sides. If you try to "win" by buying the house then you are not a nice person. Respect their feelings and walk away without bitterness if they reject your offer.

Let it go and it might be the start of building a bridge.

[diddl]

I'm guessing that the SIL's also don't like their brother then & wouldn't want him to own the house?

[UserLibra78]

I find it distressing about some of the implied poster's view that is well within their right to be mean towards their inlaws if they are marrying into the family, especially if you do not like them. How can they feel as part of the family if you are already discounted them in the first place?

[UserLibra78]

@diddl

I'm guessing that the SIL's also don't like their brother then & wouldn't want him to own the house?

Sil knew my OH will not be able afford the house on his own.

[UserLibra78]

@Notonthestairs

"in what way am I being devious and unpleasant?" Have you forgotten the title of your thread?

If you read pass the headline, going behind their back....... So that they cannot raise the price or refuse to sell the minute they knew I am interested.

But you know what I was resistant in the first place to go down that route, so my OH and I have decided to let them know the minute the house is on the market.

[UserLibra78]

@Techway

Many people have explained why your SILs won't want to sell to you and it would be devious to go behind their backs. You seem to lack empathy?

You don't like your SILs and they don't like you so stay out of his family and don't do anything to cause him to have to take sides. If you try to "win" by buying the house then you are not a nice person. Respect their feelings and walk away without bitterness if they reject your offer.

Let it go and it might be the start of building a bridge.

I understand is well within their right not to sell it to me. Is well within their rights. And you think is right because they do not like me? What does it say about them?

If you are my sil who is able to buy the house, would you do it?

I have no idea how does empathy fit in this scenario. Are you saying they will be missing out emotionally by selling the house to their sisterinlaws, in comparison to outsiders?

[FuckYouCorona]

I'm confused. Are you married? You say OH, so I assume not. In that case you are not part of their family, so I would stay out of this tbh. You may mean well, but its not worth the grief! I have personal experience of my sisters underhandedly trying to buy DM's house (in this instance at a lower price in an attempt to deprive the state of dads care home fees). Dad & I have been NC with them ever since. If you think anything of your OH, & I have no doubt you do, then I would stay out of his family business!

[Girlsjustwanna]

I’d avoid this like the plague

[myrtleWilson]

You keep saying that its better to keep the house 'in the family' but it sounds like to 2/3 of the siblings they would not perceive you owning it as 'keeping it in the family' - so I don't agree with your train of thought at all.

Plus, the deviousness of 'going behind their backs' doesn't paint you in the greatest of lights regardless of what you say about your SIL's behaviour - two wrongs and all that...

[Viviennemary]

The house isn't being kept in the family. You want to buy it for yourself and your family. Are you and your partner even married.

[Techway]

I suggested you reverse the situation and imagine how you would feel if a SIL you didn't like, tried to buy your deceased parent house. Empathy is where you can relate to their feelings.

I think you want people to say, they are horrible people, go ahead..but most aren't.

I'm out. I hope for your Oh's sake he doesn't have to choose a side.

[Veganforlife]

Is this a power thing between you and the sisters
From the sounds of things you could offer double market rate ,and they would not sell to you .
That was their mums house ,they have memories there ,and you will ge able to change the house in any way ,they may not like or want
So that gives you power over them .
It is very clear they do not want you buying the house
For you to push forward with this ,makes you a not very nice person.
You are meddling ,and getting involved where it does not concern you .

[2020Rainbow]

What you are proposing to do is nasty and sneaky.
How could even think about going behind their backs? No wonder they wouldn't want to sell to you.
As for your partner, it would put him
In a terrible position and cause all sorts of friction between the siblings.
Choose another house and have a long hard think about your mean intentions.

[FilledSoda]

Are you married?
You said it would be your purchase , as in you alone . So would your OH receive his third when the sale goes through ?
Why isn't your OH just buying them out ?
Sorry, I think there have been some contradictions and I'm confused.
I think it would look very underhand to do as your df is suggesting . It sounds as though your relationship isn't the best with one or both of the sisters as it is .
Just be above board with it all and if they won't sell to you well that's their prerogative.

[UserLibra78]

Hi yes we are married. It will be our house but with the money coming from my side of the family. So yes the house will be in the family, unless you do not consider my OH as part of the family.

The replies that I received just confirm the sort of nastiness that I do not want. One poster above is asking me to put myself in my sil shoes, and asking me if my sil who I hate wants to buy the house will I be happy?

The answer is no I will not. But I will also try to think about whether I will be able to raise the monies myself to buy it, if it belongs to my parents. If I am in no condition I will have to sell it to her. There is no way I will block her purchase, but I will also have nothing to do with the house henceforth.

Thank you guys for the helpful advice. I will keep in mind for future reference