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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ndn

49 replies

Dkr23 · 10/07/2020 23:30

Ndn has attached planters to my fence without at least telling me or asking for permission. They look really ugly, I can see them all lined up across the top of my fence. Have already had a few issues related with other things but I have never made a fuss and just let it go as didn’t want to spoil relations with them, life’s too short to dwell on small things, But it’s just really pissed me off that not even a quick text to tell me they planning on attaching things to our fence. I don’t think I’d be this pissed off if I had a bit of warning.

OP posts:
7yo7yo · 10/07/2020 23:31

Knock them of. And keep doing it. Blame it on cats.

labyrinthloafer · 10/07/2020 23:32

If it is genuinely your fence, not shared, then they shouldn't and you legally can remove them.

Whether you want to is another matter, lots of people say don't rock the boat.

If you can see them it is harder to ignore.

CyberNan · 10/07/2020 23:32

would a pre-warning text have made them prettier...? why not just ask him to attach them a bit lower on the fence so you cant see them?

Cherrysoup · 10/07/2020 23:35

Will they make the fence bow?

Original poster
Dkr23 · 10/07/2020 23:45

I’m just getting annoyed that they don’t seem to understand that it’s common courtesy to actually ask your neighbours first especially when they own it! They definitely know we own it as we put a new one up when they moved in - which they painted btw without asking and we still have paint stains on patio and it’s all seeped into our side - which they know about but never just a “sorry” or acknowledging that they should have asked first. I think being at home all day is making me crazy!

OP posts:
Original poster
Dkr23 · 10/07/2020 23:49

The 33% who voted YABU pls tell me why
As I’m genuinely curious. I don’t want this to turn into another AIBU nasty post but I genuinely want a discussion with different points of views.

OP posts:
IwishIhadaMargarita · 11/07/2020 00:00

We put up and paid for a fence Neighbours knew this but have attached a washing line to it. I would have been ok if they had mentioned it and would have asked them to put it round a post rather than wrapping it round a slag which is weaker. I saw red though when the line got lose and he used the next fence slat to tension it. I may have removed the line from the second slat.

namechange30000 · 11/07/2020 00:10

What would be the point in your neighbour telling you their plans? You would have said no, they would have put them up anyway and you would resent them for doing it anyway.

CardsforKittens · 11/07/2020 00:26

I think getting territorial about a fence is just going to make you miserable. Yes, it’s your fence. Yes, you think the neighbour’s planters are ugly. Yes, you probably could ask them to refrain from doing anything to your fence. Is it worth it? Probably not. It’s a fence.

The way I see it, this isn’t important because people are more important than things. If your neighbours are otherwise nice, look past it. If they’re arseholes, that’s the real issue rather than the fence.

Firstawake · 11/07/2020 06:35

I think in these situations ( yes, have nbeen there) one gets hung up on the feeling that you've been taken advantage off and it becomes a personal insult to you.
Try and let those feeling die down, how does it actually affect you?
If it's still too much, ask them to change them, explaining your issue. Flowers

pictish · 11/07/2020 06:40

All things being equal I wouldn’t much care what my neighbours put on the fence facing their side. Even if it was ‘my’ fence.

AgentProvocateur · 11/07/2020 06:44

I voted YABU because it doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things if they have their planter hooks on “your” fence. How often do you spend looking at the top of your fence? Really, if that’s the worst they’ve done, think yourself lucky. There are many threads about really awful neighbours on here.

Clutterbugsmum · 11/07/2020 06:51

I voted YABU.

Because I'd rather have NDN who look after their garden including fence then ones that don't.

SayakaMurata · 11/07/2020 06:56

It has never occurred to me to care what my neighbours do to their side of the fence, even if it's our fence and we paid for it.

Is it really worth falling out with your neighbours about this? It's beneficial for you to be on good terms with them if at all possible.

Bluntness100 · 11/07/2020 06:56

I also voted YABU, I assume they are hooked over their side. I couldn’t get worked up about this or be wanting folks to ask permission or getting all turf protected about a bloody fence.

pictish · 11/07/2020 07:00

Neither me. I don’t. understand being territorial over the other side of the fence at all.

Bluntness100 · 11/07/2020 07:05

Neither me. I don’t. understand being territorial over the other side of the fence at all

I’ve only ever seen it on mumsnet and am genuinely surprised folks get worked up about stuff like this. Fair enough if they were causing major damage, but this whole it’s mine and you can’t touch it without permission thing, is decidedly odd.

DappledThings · 11/07/2020 07:10

@AgentProvocateur

I voted YABU because it doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things if they have their planter hooks on “your” fence. How often do you spend looking at the top of your fence? Really, if that’s the worst they’ve done, think yourself lucky. There are many threads about really awful neighbours on here.
This.
heartsonacake · 11/07/2020 07:13

YABU. Yeah, it’s your fence, but if you’re only getting your knickers in a twist because you think they’re “ugly” and not because they’re doing any damage to the fence then you’re just being petty and need to let it go.

labyrinthloafer · 11/07/2020 07:19

I voted YANBU because legally speaking they are in the wrong and I myself would never do that with someone else's property.

That said I do think it possible the YABU types live happier lives Grin - provided they genuinely don't care, not just too scared to say anything.

Why not go nuclear and send a solicitors letter? It would make the thread develop nicely?

pictish · 11/07/2020 07:24

I genuinely don’t care.

DrManhattan · 11/07/2020 07:27

Get a new fence, just to piss them off.
I would be mad too. They are rude, entitled and thoughtless imo

Coronabegone · 11/07/2020 07:28

How do you even see the pls test on the other side of the fence to say they look ugly?

pussycatinboots · 11/07/2020 07:30

Amazing how far spray on weedkiller travels...just sayin' Wink

Bluntness100 · 11/07/2020 07:34

i would be mad too. They are rude, entitled and thoughtless imo

For hanging some planters their side of the fence? That’s a really strong reaction, honestly at first I wanted to chuckle when I read your post, but in reality that’s quite a concerning over reaction you’re displaying for something so minor.